Eighteen Years

She waved to her children who were seated in the backseat and watched till the car took a turn and disappeared. She stood there for a while, staring at, what would seem to someone passing by the street, the neighbors’ weeks of uncollected mails in the mailbox. That happened a lot these days. She would zone out in the middle of conversations or would get lost in her own head, mostly when she was alone. 

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

‘Don’t worry Sana, they’ll be back very soon’, her husband said in a voice which was just above a whisper. 

She smiled weakly and closed the door. With his hand still on her shoulder, he led her to their bedroom. 

‘You need to rest now. I’m going to go get ready for work’. 

With that he left her to herself. 

She sat down on the couch which was just below the window sill. She liked sitting there, with the full view of the sky from the huge window of their master bedroom. It felt peaceful. It felt like therapy on the hectic days when she could barely find time for herself. 

She closed her eyes for what felt like a moment, but was perhaps a little more than that.  

*** FLASHBACK ***

‘Can you please stop doing that’? She said while blushing, hiding her face with her hand. 

‘Do what’? He smirked. 

‘You know what I'm talking about’. Her hand was still on her face. 

He could see the smile she was trying so hard to hide, but was failing. He liked doing that. Just stare at her, admiringly, as if she was a piece of art, as if she was the most beautiful girl in the world. 

To him, she was the most beautiful girl in the world. His eyes would say it all. 

He enjoyed teasing her by making her nervous like that. She would try so hard to maintain eye contact with him, but she couldn’t do it for more than two seconds. 

‘Sana’. He held the hand she was using to hide her face. 

‘What’? She said while looking straight in to his eyes for what lasted not more than two seconds, as usual. 

‘There is something I need to tell you’. He said in a serious tone. 

It made her look at him instantly. 

‘What is it’? 

‘Not here. You need to come with me.’ 

They got up from their chairs and made their way out of the restaurant. He held her hand till they arrived where his car was parked. 

‘Faaris, you’re worrying me with this 12 o’ clock face of yours. You know it makes me anxious'. 

‘Just trust me’. He said while opening the door of the passenger seat.

She got in. She trusted him with her whole life. 

The whole journey, both of them were quiet. She would glance at him every now and then trying to find an answer to what it was that he needed to tell her. But all she managed to figure out was that it was something serious. 

*** 

‘Honey, I’m leaving for work'. Her husband said while kissing her on the forehead. ‘Rest well, I need you to get better and walking around the house soon.’ 

She smiled. ‘I will. Goodbye’. 

‘And remember. If you need anything, you give me a call. Just one call’. 

She watched him collect his wallet and phone from the bed side table and leave the room. 

Rameez was the type of a husband any woman would wish for. He had a charming personality, good looks and a very attractive voice. But on top of all that he was a caring husband and a loving father. 

They were married for twelve years now and had two children. Their children had left that day with their uncle for a one week holiday away in the northern areas. 

Sana had everyone thinking that all the pressure at work had got her feeling sick and she needed a few days at home, which is why Rameez had sent the children away with their uncle to make sure his wife had all the time she needed, to herself.  

But no one knew the truth behind it all. 

She poured a cup of coffee and took a sip of it while looking out the kitchen window. From there, she could see the mailman shoving another mail in to the mailbox of the neighbors.

*** FLASHBACK*** 

‘Sana, I know we both have a lot to figure out in our lives.’ 

Faaris had stopped his car just by the sand that was wet from the waves of the sea. They stepped out. 

‘And I know we both have our goals and dreams we want to achieve before deciding anything serious about our future’. 

He looked down. He did that when he was trying to find the right words to say. That was the only time she could glance at him for as long as she wanted to, when he wasn’t looking at her directly.  

He took her hand and reached for something in his back pocket. 

‘Sana..’ He went down on his knee. 

Her heart skipped a beat. 

He opened the box he had reached for in his pocket and held it open in front of her. 

‘You’re my entire life, Sana. And I want to spend my whole life with you’. 

She didn’t realize when her hand went on her face again. This time, she wasn’t nervous but rather, surprised at this unexpected and sudden gesture he had pulled in front of her. She stayed like that for a moment, trying to figure out if it was a dream or reality. 

‘So do I have to finish the rest of the statement or are you going to give me an answer already’. 

They both laughed with tears rolling down their eyes. 

Only he could do that. Make her so happy she would start crying. And this was just one of those moments, but perhaps the biggest one up till now. 

‘You have to complete the statement’. 

‘Okay then. Sana Amir. Will you do the honor of marrying me’? 

Sana couldn’t control her tears. She had imagined Faaris and herself together many times but when the moment finally came, it was hard to interpret it. 

She couldn’t believe it was real. It felt like a dream. 

‘You don’t have to give an answer right away. You know I can always feel what you’re thinking and right now...’ 

‘Yes.’ 

‘Sana, you can still take your time if you want to. There’s no rush.’ 

‘I don’t need any more time to think, Faaris. I would like to marry you.’  

*** 

The doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts once again. 

She put down the cup of coffee that was now cold and went to see who it was. 

‘Parcel for Mrs. Sana Rameez’. 

‘That’s me’. 

Sana had almost forgotten that she had ordered an online gift for her daughter Sarah’s birthday a few days earlier. After the incident she had forgotten about almost everything. Almost. 

She put the parcel in her cupboard and laid down on her bed. She stayed like that for a while, staring at the ceiling, taking long deep breaths. 

A tear fell from her eye and rolled down on the bed sheet from the side of her cheek. 

Then another. 

And just like that she started crying. 

The crying turned to screams. 

And the screaming turned to complains. 

‘Why? Why did this happen to us Faaris? Why did you leave me like that? We could’ve had the life we always dreamed of. We could’ve had so much more even’!

She dug her head deep inside her pillow and cried her heart out.

*** FLASHBACK *** 

-Eighteen Years Ago-

‘Why do I always have to be the one to understand? It's our big day for God’s sake! And you’re saying it's going to take one more day’? 

‘Sana, I know you’re upset honey, I would be as well if I was in your place but please you have to try and understand. If it wasn’t this important, I wouldn’t have stayed even a second longer. You know how much you mean to me. I had been dreaming about this day since..’ 

‘Yeah, that’s what you say every time you want to shut me up. But Faaris I am so done now. With you shutting me out like that. You cannot just delay our marriage two days before with something like “It’s really important you have to understand”. No, you’re the one who needs to understand that this is not how things work!’ 

‘I know this is not how things work and I promise I will make up for everything, but right now you need to trust me, Sana. I will come back in a few days and explain everything to you. I need you to trust me’. 

‘No Faaris, either you come back right now or we’re done. It’s up to you to decide’. 

She could hear him take a deep breath on the other side of the phone and just as he was about to say something, she hung up. 

He called her several times after that but she didn’t pick up his calls or respond to any of his texts. 

After some time, she had stopped receiving any calls or texts from him. She thought he might be on his way back from his village and would show up on her door at any time. 

A day passed. But he didn’t come. She kept checking her phone, kept looking out her window, hoping, praying that he would show up any minute. But he never came. 

On the day of their marriage, she called him on his phone to ask him one last time if he was coming or not. 

His number could not be reached. 

She tried calling him several times that day. Called all his friends to ask if any of them had been recently in contact with him. But no one knew anything. 

A week had passed. Then a month. Then two months. 

It was like he had disappeared in thin air. No one could reach him. No one knew where he went and when he was coming back. Or, if he was coming back. 

It wasn’t like him at all, to leave everything and just vanish. He loved his family and friends. Most of all he loved Sana and would never do anything like this to her. 

But then again, the question remained, where was Faaris? And why hadn’t he shown up? 

Everyone’s confusion ended when finally, after three months of his disappearance, his car was found from a lake near his village. 

But there was no body inside. 

The police had searched everywhere for a person named Faaris, dead or alive. The lake was searched thoroughly for a dead body, nearby villages and hospitals were searched, his photo was shown around in every possible place where someone might have found and brought him for refuge. But he was nowhere to be found. 

After six months of search, he was presumed dead.

*** 

-1 Week Earlier- 

After the incident, Sana had no will left to live. She had thought of ending her life many times but there was something that stopped her every time she tried to. The thought of Faaris being somewhere out there. The thought of the two of them having the happy life they had always imagined. 

Everyone told her he was never coming back. They said if he were to, he would’ve already come back or the police would have found something. No one just disappears like that. 

But Sana never gave up her hope. She never stopped waiting. Even after her parents had forced her to get married to Rameez, she had never let go of the hope that Faaris was somewhere out there and he would some day show up on her doorstep. 

Until a week earlier, her wait had finally ended. 

‘Dr. Sana? Can I come in’? A woman dressed in black, looking like she was in her late thirties, knocked on the half open door to Sana’s room. 

‘Of course, come in please’. 

The woman came in and sat down on the chair across the table between them. 

As Sana was writing something on a patient's file, the woman kept looking at her without blinking. At first Sana thought she must be in a hurry to get herself checked like many of her patients are, so Sana politely said to her with a smile ‘Just wait for a minute, I’ll come to you and we’ll see how I can help you out’. 

‘We both have waited a long time for this moment’. The woman spoke up without looking away from her for even a second. 

The sentence made Sana stop writing whatever she was and put her pen down. She had a strange feeling since the moment this woman had walked in. 

‘Excuse me? What do you mean?’ 

‘I don’t mean to scare you. It’s just that, I can’t believe I have finally found you miss Sana. You don’t know how long I have been searching for you.’ 

Sana was confused. She didn’t know what this woman meant, but she had a feeling it wasn’t about a doctor-patient issue. 

‘Are you feeling well? Have you had no luck with other doctors regarding your illness?’ 

‘I’m not ill, I’m perfectly fine. But I knew no other place I could approach you. And I have waited so long to pay off this debt I have been holding for the past eighteen years’. 

Sana’s heart skipped a beat to the last two words of her sentence. Eighteen years. 

‘You know, he loved you a lot. Fought till the very last breath just to be with you. We did everything we could to save him, but he had no more time left’. 

Sana felt a lump in her throat. She couldn’t breathe. She wanted to say something, but it felt as if her whole body had gotten numb. 

‘I can tell by your face you know who I am talking about.

I was on a road trip with my parents and my husband that day. It happened right in front of us. The car lost it’s balance while trying to bypass a truck and fell right inside the lake. I don’t know if the truck driver had seen it or not but he didn’t stop and drove off before we could stop him. There was no other car or any person nearby to help. My father and husband jumped in to the water. He was in the water for about twenty minutes before they were able to break his window and pull him out’. 

Sana’s eyes had filled with tears. 

‘He was alive when they pulled him out. And till his very last breath, your name was the only thing he said. 

We rushed to take him to the nearest hospital, but it was at least three hours from where we found him.’ 

The woman took out a piece of paper and started reading from it. 

I had written down the last thing he ever said so I never forget. “Please find my Sana. Tell her I love her and I tried my best to make it to our big day. Tell her I want her to know nothing is more important to me than her. The moment she hung up my call I left everything to be with her. I would do anything that made her happy, even if it meant I had to give up my own life. Just tell her I tried. Tell her I tried and I love her.’ 

She put the piece of paper down and put a hand on Sana’s, who was now struggling to breathe as she tried swallowing the words she had been told by this stranger. 

‘Too much water had gotten inside his lungs. He struggled till his very last breath. My father drove the car as fast as he could. But he had died long before we could get to the hospital. 

Since that day, we tried searching for you everywhere. We couldn’t find any of his belongings so we didn’t know where he was from or where you were from. 

All we knew was your name. Sana. 

A few months back, me and my husband were traveling North with our children when we stopped at a village on the way. Our children always wanted to visit a village to see how the people there lived. So we decided to stay there for a day or two. 

The people there were very kind and hospitable. One of them offered us to spend the night in their little hut. And we accepted the offer. 

That night, the man who owned the hut told us about this man who helped them out with a property case many years back. He told us this man was a lawyer and just days before his marriage, he helped them win back their land from a bunch of greedy, corrupt landlords. But after he left the village that day, he was never found. Three months later his car was found from a lake nearby, but his body never found. 

That is when I knew our wait was over. 

We collected all the information we could from the villagers and it helped us find you’. 

She took a deep breath. 

‘All these years, we have felt your pain, Sana. All these years, we have waited just as much as you have. And I know it’s not going to make things any easier, but he died fighting like brave soldier who loved his country. And you were the country to this brave soldier’.