Found + Lost & Lost + Found

Found + Lost & Lost + Found 

Once upon a time there was a overly sensitive sweet little girl as happy-go-lucky as anybody could be.....

She loved living in her head’s “LaLaLand” and lived loving straight from her in all reality!

Don’t get me wrong she made millions of mistakes (double meaning pun intended) and held even more regrets thus far,

But all the hatred she had for her most hated actions were absolutely nothing in comparison to the loved she got from her Mother, Sandra.

See despite being born with a white-golden spoon in her mouth, she faced much to much betrayals,

However, she tried her utmost best to be better than those who had hurt for as long as she forever had her beautiful Mother; she would always strive for picture perfect portrayals.....

Until that dreaded day when she got the call that her Mother was calling and rushed to hospital to hear those unthinkable words the doctor had to say;

Her Mother had only been hospitalized for less than 24 hours for what she thought was nothing more than a fever, so this was the shocker of horrors!

As she pulled the curtains and saw her worst nightmare right in front of her, she fell to her knees by the bedside and despite looking directly at her most horrific sight she couldn’t believe her own eyes.....

After a while she managed to pick herself up just enough to move over on to the bed where she took the ventilator mask of her fairy Mother’s fair face before slowly closing her eyes as she stifled back her own cries.

And it was then and there when she closed her very own Mother’s eyes that she became lost in a dark abyss of complete blindness!

She had willingly and knowingly entered into a trance where she no longer could phantom a care about anyone or anything in life any longer, nothing or no one no longer held a chance.....

How the 6 days till the funeral passed her, she, herself doesn’t know and how the day of the funeral changed her, everyone saw for it did show. 

After the Bandara she became no different from any of the many pillows on her bed, 

She’d lie down day & night wishing/hoping/praying to be dead!

Everything got more and more hard; including what could be considered as the simplest of things such as getting up and showering, not to mention eating or sleeping causing her health to get even more bad.....

She was grateful for those that rallied around her and reached out trying to help her but it didn’t stop the depression for taking its toll on her which strange enough she was somewhat glad to remain sad,

See she, who once beautifully beamed with pure hope + faith was now beaming with nothing other than true anger.

A few months had passed with her wrath still very much present till she got a present on the first birthday of her Mother after.....

Besides her fortunately being able to have dreams of her Mummy frequently trying her utmost best to convince her that she was in fact at peace and couldn’t be any more safer or happier,

She managed to miraculously manifest a once in a million meeting with the moon the late midnight/early morning of her Mother’s birthday!

What started out as just another night where her anxiety and insomnia got the better of the worse of her, she ended up sitting on a chair in her Mother’s orchid garden and as she looked up in such an intense stare at the magnificent moonlight that shined right on her, cutting straight across through the stillness and darkness of the night, which was exactly when she was finally able to actually hear what her Mother had to say.......

“Moonshine” is the first thing she heard, which is what her Mother always called her,

Then her long lost smile grew drowning right under the endless tears her tired eyes drew as she silenced the rest of the physical world to listen to the precious long awaited words from ever so gracious Mother:

“Moonshine remember how I forever telling you that all your prayers would be answered because my blessings always with you.......well it’s true!

God heard you, where I am; I’m as safe and happy I can be,

All I need now is for you to continue on smiling along so I can enjoy my peace till your time is ready.”

Before she could start to give her reply, the bright moonlight sent a beam straight from the now luminous lit sky down right to between her eyes (if I may say - her third eye) and she became no different than a desperate deer caught in the most dazzling headlight!

In complete awe she stood up in a sudden stance staring straight back at the moonlight that overtook the darkness of the night as she listen while her Mother continued.

“If you love me as much as you say you do then know even now I still will not leave you, but believe me babygirl I’ve left the best of me within you,

I’m with you emotionally & mentally in every way possible as our love is far too great to merely be physically and I know your faith in God is shaken so please while you carry me with you then have & hold mine; it’s yours for the taking, if not then hold on as tight as you might to your faith in me and I promise you together we shall continue to fight through.......

I know it hurts like never before but it’s during this pain you must find the gains again and again by doing what I’ll do which is love you more than ever before!

I know it may feel like I’m far apart but now I’m closer than ever because I’m in your heart, always & forever.......till we can once more be back again together together!”

Then the full moon shined with such a glorious glow that turned the dark night sky into a nothing less than a magic show.....

With one blink of an eye a cloud came and completely covered the moon just a moment too soon before she could come out the shock and blow a kiss to the splendor that was the sky.

The next morning arrived and with it somehow she woke up and actually smiled,

She was still mad but now she could no longer afford to be fully sad.....

As she had realize that the tables had turned and it was her turn as a daughter to live for her Mother, her Mother who from the very moment she had her; started living the rest of her life for her daughter!

And with this she despite the high heights of hurt she was enduring, she decided to lower her threshold for tolerance from any other,

For even though she was accustomed being used and abused by one or another, she no longer lived alone within her but her heart now began to beat for her second and first for her Mother.

Deep down she still drowned in her countless regrets but now she found herself deciding to put those damaging thoughts and feelings to rest, determined for her greatest blessing; her Mother to live what’s left of their lives intertwined together no less than beyond the absolute best.....

But the most shocking part was that for the first time in forever she started loving herself , like never before,

As the days went by she learned to love herself more and more.......

Was it the power of love from a Mother for a daughter or from a daughter for a Mother, one would never know but could only wonder.

She continued to carry her dark abyss with her but the only difference was that now her Mother’s love which was within her was so true and pure that just like the moon light shined that night so bright; it overtook the darkness!

Today there’s an emotional young lady living her worst nightmare lucky to still have her Mummy make her happy regardless.....

Now she’s living a life she saw herself hating, all due out of respect of loving. 

written by - S.ArunaBassie!