LOVE LIKE WINE

22ND MAY 1960

The warm air hits me hard and I let out a protest at the sudden change in my environment. Minutes ago I was cocooned safely in the place I had come to know and love as home. All of a sudden, I felt an irresistible urge to push my way through my home and into the arms of this person. Strong yet gentle arms hold me and prod here and there. In a little while I'm placed in the arms of a crying, smiling person. Her lips are moving and sounds I can't comprehend are coming out. Although I can't understand the sounds no matter how I try, I can tell by the look in her eyes that I am safe.

23RD MAY 1960

I have learned that the crying, smiling woman will take care of me. Already she has nursed me and attented to me whenever my screams of protest over one thing or another came out. Few people come to my new home. Smiling people, carrying colourfully wrapped items. Although one person stands out; a frowning man who looks scary. My caretaker carries me towards him and I'm scared until relief replaces fear as I realise he is refusing to carry me. My caretaker has a new look on her face I haven't seen before. I try to make sense of it all but before long I feel the familiar blanket of sleep over me.

22ND MAY 1964

A lot has happened in the last four years. To be honest, I can't remember most of it. I do know that today is a day called my birthday, I am four years old, my caretaker is my mother, my name is Jamie and I am a boy.

7TH SEPTEMBER 1964

It's my first day of school. I'm a bit nervous to leave home but mostly excited because my mother and her few friends have told me that I would make lots of friends and become a big boy. By the end of the day, I realise they lied. I haven't made any friend and I don't feel any bigger than I did this morning. Back at home my mother assures me that it would take some time and showers me with love and kisses like she always does. In no time, I feel better. Mother is medicine to me.

24TH AUGUST 1964

It's getting late in the evening and my mum is still nowhere to be found. Aunt Bertha, her friend is looking after me like she has all the times my mother was not around. Finally, just as I'm dozing off, i hear her footsteps and voice.

"....so sorry...I lost track of time"

"It's fine. Did you have fun?"

A schoolgirl giggle escapes my mother's mouth. I love the sound of her laughter but this one sits a bit differently with me.

"Oh yes" pause "William is amazing"

Ah....William. Have I mentioned him? He is my mother's friend, a stranger invading our perfect little world.

"Jamie darling" she gives me a kiss on my cheek and lifts me up into her arms with some effort. I know I'm not as easy to carry anymore but I let her knowing that such moments are getting fewer and farther in between.

26TH DECEMBER 1964

Today, the day after Christmas, my mother got married. I have mixed feelings about it but I can see how happy she is. Uncle Williams, a tall lanky man makes her happy in a way I never could. Besides, I'm old enough to know that I should have a father and as far as replacement fathers go, uncle Williams is not so bad. Other than the fact that he calls me kiddo and always ruffles my hair.

12TH JULY 1975

There's a soft knock on my room door. "Come in" I answer. The door opens and my mother steps in.

"Hey Jamie what's up"

"Nothing" there is silence for a couple of seconds before she comes over to sit beside me on my bed.

"Come on, you've been moody of recent. Something is bothering you and we" she gestures to both of us "know it"

Knowing that she won't drop it I sigh.

"Fine. I thought I had a good thing going with this girl in my class" she gives me one of her mum smiles.

"Oh Jamie" now it's my turn to smile. That was what she always said whenever I was little and caught in a mischief.

"But you're only 15" she says. I look at her incredulously. She must be joking right?surely she realises 15 is much different from 5 or 10 for that matter.

"Okay. You're um...a really sweet, handsome, super smart young man and any girl that doesn't realise that doesn't deserve you"

Of course she would say that.

"Yeah, thanks"

"I hope you're being careful" I roll my eyes so hard it's a wonder they don't get stuck in the back of my head.

"Don't worry mum. I won't be making you a grandma anytime soon"

She let's out a laugh then gets serious all of a sudden.

"My sweet baby. It seems like just yesterday you were born. Where did the years go?" Looking at her, I see her eyes are misty. She's right, the years can feel like they're flying by. Other times as if they're crawling but whether they're flying or crawling, they bring changes with them. For example, the grey hair on her head and my two younger sisters. Both of them aged 9.

"I love you" she says to me

"I love you too" I reply. She kisses me goodnight, it feels weird after all these years but I try not to grimace. Many things have changed but some haven't. For example, my love for her. Though sometimes I feel I can't say the same for her.

8TH JUNE 1978

I did it! I'm officially a high school graduate. Just last weekend, I was attending my birth father's funeral which felt weird to be honest, like the funeral of a stranger and today I'm celebrating my graduation with my family which consists of my mother, uncle Williams and their two daughters; Olive and Bethel. My girlfriend Mia is also here to celebrate with me.

"I'm so proud of you honey" my mother says as she gives me a big hug.

"Yeah" uncle Williams says as he ruffles my hair "good work kiddo" Yep. Some things never change.

25TH NOVEMBER 1984

I've been out of college for a couple of months. I made it with honours in finance and I've been staying on my own. My relationships, family and romantic have sort of taken the back burner with me trying to find my feet as an independent adult not to mention, moving out of state for career purposes. My mum and I communicate often enough and I always make a mental note to go over for the weekend. However, she beats me to it.

A knock on my front door wakes me up and a glance at the clock tells me it's past 11pm. With caution, I approach the door and looking through the peep hole I see my mum. The door flies open as I let her in and she crumbles in my arms. Panic rises like bile in my throat as I imagine different horrible scenarios.

"He's leaving me" she says between sobs.

"Oh mum....." the next couple of hours are spent with me comforting her and trying to get information from her. Apparently things between her and uncle Williams had been rocky for a while and he had decided to file for divorce.

26TH NOVEMBER 1984

This morning my mother woke up super embarrassed over her breakdown in front of me.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know where else to go"

"It's fine" I answer honestly.

"How come I don't have any friends? I made him my whole life and now this?"

I don't know what to say to that so I keep quiet.

"How are the twins handling it?" She gives me a pointed look.

"Your sisters" she emphasizes the word sisters "are upset but old enough to know that we've been unhappy for a while and that things like this happen"

"There won't be any custody issue right?"

"No. God no"

"Good. Cause I know how much you love them"

She gives me another look before replying "Why did you say it like that?"

"Like how?"

"I dunno. Like an accusation"

I scoff. " no one can accuse a mother of loving her children"

"And I love you too okay?"

"I didn't say otherwise"

"Oh my God" she's looking right at me "don't tell me all these years you have been jealous of them?" I laugh like it's the most hilarious joke in the universe

"Mum, what 24 year old is jealous of his younger sisters?"

"I dunno. The kind that felt neglected because of them"

"Oh. So you admit it?"

"Unbelievable. All these years...." the rest of the sentence hangs in the air just like many other things between us.

She leaves the next morning but not before she says

"I thought about everything last night and I realise now how a 4 year old boy could have felt replaced by a step father. I realise that I did make him the centre of my world but you have to realise I thought I had lost my chance on love with your father and I didn't want to lose what I felt was my last shot. I know it worsened with the birth of your sisters and I'm sorry about that. I love you so much"

"I love you too"

To be honest I feel kind of silly bringing up such insecurities at this age, now of all times.

13TH MAY 1990

"Happy mothers day Grammy" my 3 year old daughter Paris gives my mum a hand made card. Five years have passed since my mum got divorced, a little over three years have passed since I got married to Mia my high school sweetheart and just a year has passed since we invited my mother to move in with us.

My mum with tears in her eyes collects the card.

"Thank you so much honey. I feel so overwhelmed and blessed to have you all. Have I shown you what the girls got me?" She asks for the umpteenth time.

"Only fifteen times" Paris says not so under her breath causing all of us to laugh. I'll admit the handmade quilt with our names and dates of births was a thoughtful gift for a sentimental person like my mum.

"I love you all so much"

"Aww, we love you too" Mia says. My heart swells with joy as my beautiful wife and daughter embrace my mum. Yup, many changes have come with the years but the love between my mother and I hasn't changed. Well, actually, it has in a way. Like fine wine, it only gets better with time.