My Hidden Thorns

Tw:selfharm,abusing parent

My Hidden Thorns  

“She doesn’t need that she needs this” I stand next to my mother who I trust with all my heart the hairdresser looks to me with eyes full of concern and ask 

“Alec which hairstyle do you want this time?” My mother rages at the thought of me choosing then she grabs my wrist and says that we’re leaving and we won’t be coming back when all I wanted was the cute braided hair the other girl had. I wake from that bad dream which was a memory that I feel like will never stop taunting me, that she has control over my whole life. Hearing the sounds for the morning alarm clock I sit up from my bed that has the plain blue sheets, I hate the color blue as I stand expecting to feel Sandy’s furry tail on my legs like I do each morning. I don’t Scared thinking that something happened to my child. I rushed to the kitchen with my red hair that she hates falling out of my morning bun into a frizz. 

As I feel the cold tile under my bare feet I see her with a ugly lime green robe “where is sandy?” I ask calmly with the undertone of a death threat 

“whatever do you mean, she was in your room last night last time I checked” I know she’s lying with those deep brown eyes that almost look black she takes a sip of her coffee and smirks knowing she’s lying I respond 

“okay well don’t be surprised if you know who goes missing” that stupid smirk drops from her face just like how she was dropped as a child I assume 

“you better not do anything if you dare touch him I will I will” will what? I ask challengingly 

“that’s it Alexia I’m taking your clothes that you chose there horrid anyway” I watch as she brushes past me with the ugly lime green robe my nose fills with the smell of coffee and vodka I mutter a ew under my breath as I watch her strip my personality from my closet. 

After she’s done she throws me the grey shirt and light blue bootcut jeans 

“there now you look so much better” I look at myself in the mirror after changing into the boring clothes all I see is a blob with a white crew neck long sleeve shirt with bootcut jeans and off brand vans she got from Walmart 

“I’m not wearing this” I say with a disgusted voice “then you can go to school naked” as she leaves the room I see the cream fur on the back of her robe I know exactly who’s fur that is I take the clothes off and look at my body in the mirror the cuts up my stomach and the burns on my inner thighs. 

“Fuck it” I take the clothes and grab the chid safety sisscors off the wood desk with markings on it I cut the shirt and pants looking in the mirror one last time I smile knowing what she’s going to stay and knowing I wont be back in this room for now I do what I want without her guidance and rules. “What are you wearing, young lady!?” “The clothes you choose for me of course” I smile as her wrinkly face sneers at me while turning beet red 

“those are not the clothes I handed to you how dare you disobey me after everything I’ve done for you!” 

“You know what you’ve done for me mother!? You’ve chosen everything thing I do and you choose the things that you think are good for me but there not news flash your perfect daughter that you think you have is not perfect when I leave for school I’m not coming back and when I don’t come back I want to tip check the second drawer under there is something that will open your eyes to the fucked up world you brought apron me” she looks at me in disbelief her eyes now black not the deep brown I knew look at me 

“get out of my house” I snatch up my bag and before I leave I say 

“you should check on Charlie I just saw him and that poor fish is not looking to good” I say with the sweetest voice I know what she did to Sandy so I did it back to her perfect pet except I helped this fish it was on the way home anyway

 “you bitch I know you didn’t touch my Fucking fish” she thows her coffee cup at me as I slam the creaky back door.

     “Hey Alec I didn’t think you were coming today you almost missed the bus” as we start to get on the bus that smells like sweaty kids and cheap perfume, owen starts to harass me with questions I don’t know the answer to because my thoughts are elsewhere. Knowing I just left my life behind I have nowhere to go and I don't know what to do because she didn’t teach me anything. All she did was make my choices for me this is the first time I get to choose what I want to do. Owen is still babbling away about some Star Wars episode. I look at Owen 

“Hey do you know any motels around here I know your dad owns a few?” He looks at me with though the glasses that make his eyes 20 times larger with a confused look he asks 

“why would you need to know that?  Are you taking a vacation soon” ugh he’s so nosey before I can respond the big puke yellow bus stops at the school 

“never mind I was just curious” I give him a smile as we get off the bus and into the fresh air that smells of car exhaust and axe body spray the boy with the dirty blonde hair gives me a crooked smile and says 

“okay well I guess I'll see you around then” knowing that I probably won't see him again I give him a smile. Instead of walking into the stone building full of hot and sweaty teenagers I walk towards the library hoping the garden is open this early so I can figure out what my next move is. 

I see the old librarian give me a nod as she gets up ready to open the garden door for me

 “how's it going sweetheart” she says in her old voice 

“great!” I respond with a lie and she looks at me suspiciously 

“hey I may be old but I know when something is wrong come to my desk for some candy before you go okay?”

 “Okay Ms.Peach” I love her, she's every girl's hopeful grandmother. She walks back towards her desk with the photos of her family and their happy faces pointed at the camera. As I sit in the garden trying to come up with a plan on where to go and what to do next I see the roses have bloomed

 “oh I gasped” for the colors so vibrant that they could be an expensive paint color I want to touch them and see if I can suck up the color of vibrant red. I touch the stem and feel a prick looking at me tan finger I can see the droplet of blood forming then It hits me, as I wipe the blood on my pants my mind creates the plan I smile and thank the beautiful roses for helping me find my thrones and for helping me come up with the plan to keep on living.