Tears Among Tulips

Tears Among Tulips

By Cynthia Brennan

           “I cheated.” Greg said as they walked among the brightly colored flowers.

Valerie wasn’t sure she had heard him correctly. She turned to look at him and asked him what he had said.

“I said I cheated.” He repeated, looking desperately sad.

Still unsure what he could be referring to, she steered them toward a park bench that had just become free. She didn’t want to believe that what he had said could mean what she was terrified it did. They had both been working hard to eat healthy and increase their fitness lately. Maybe he meant he cheated and had a cheeseburger and fries or something. Or maybe his big winnings at poker with his buddies the previous week had been gained dishonestly and it was nagging at him. She hesitated to press him because he knew she might hear something that would change everything.

“Cheated at what?” she asked, knowing that the chances of it being anything other than the obvious were slim to none.

“Come on, Val. You know what I’m talking about. I cheated with someone.”

She sat watching the throng of visitors walk through the gorgeous display of every shade of tulip imaginable. The Tulip Festival in Albany, NY drew crowds by the thousands each year and was one of their favorite activities every spring. What had been a glorious sunny day filled with beauty and entertainment was now ruined by the impending storm forming over their relationship. After a few moments, she finally replied.

“When? With who?” Did she really want to know the answer to either of those questions? Would it make any difference?

“Last month when I went to that conference in Cleveland. It was no one you know.” Like that made it better somehow.

“Someone you work with, you mean?” Tears were starting form and she tried not to blink and allow them to spill down her cheeks. She wanted to be angry, not sad. Not sad yet, anyway.

“Sort of. She works at another branch of the company. We’ve spoken on the phone many times over the years and developed a kind of friendship. This was the first time we’d met in person.” He kept his eyes on his feet while he relayed the details. He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eyes.

“How could you do that? Why would you? Aren’t we enough for you anymore? You needed more excitement or something?” A salty drop rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing it.

“No, I love you. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It was an accident. A bunch of us were at the bar and she I were the last ones left at the end of the evening. I guess I just had too many and did something really stupid. I’m so sorry. I’ve wanted to tell you since I got back, but I was afraid. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Hmph. Sounds to me like you could have prevented it if you had wanted to. You certainly should have realized that you were drinking too much. And obviously you were attracted to her and enjoying her company if you allowed yourself to be the last one with her at the end of the night. Seems like you didn’t try very hard to do the right thing at all. You never even gave us a thought, did you?”

He said nothing. She was right. He had been instantly attracted to Roxanne when he finally met her in person. In truth, he’d already developed some feelings for her just from the conversations they had shared over the phone the last few years. She had a soft, sultry voice and he was thrilled to discover that her physical features matched it perfectly. He hadn’t even tried to stop what they both knew was going to happen. He just believed he’d be able to live with the secret. He thought he could scratch the itch that had been building all those years with Roxanne and get it out of his system. Then he could return home to his safe, comfortable life with Valerie and go on as if nothing had happened. At first, it seemed like that was exactly what was going to happen. He was so happy to see her when he got home and knew what a fool he had been to risk losing such a wonderful partner. After all, Valerie was also beautiful and smart, and her temperament and personality suited him perfectly. But soon the guilt started to creep in. They would be watching a movie where one of the characters would be unfaithful, and he would find himself unable to sleep that night. Or they might be driving in the car and a song would come on the radio that had been playing in the bar that night at the hotel and his mind would be tortured for the rest of the day. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and knew he had to come clean.

Before they could say anything more, an elderly couple sat down at the other end of the bench. Not wishing to have their dirty laundry aired in front of strangers, they got up and began to walk again. He didn’t dare ask what this was going to mean for their relationship. He waited for her to speak.

At last, she did. “So, what am I supposed to do with this revelation? Am I supposed to accept your apology and forgive you? Just pretend like nothing has changed and life goes on as usual?” Her voice had a sharpness in it he had never heard before. It scared him.

“I certainly wish you would do that. I hope this doesn’t ruin what we have. You mean everything to me.” Desperation was started to creep in. He was realizing just how lost he would be without her.

She uttered a completely humorless laugh. “Please, Greg. If I meant everything to you, then you would have made sure that you were safely in your hotel room alone that night and not allowed such a betrayal to happen. Obviously, your desires and your needs are way more important to you than I am. Or that we are.”

He began to argue, but she held her hand up to stop him. “You know, when this conversation began, I thought how selfish and cruel it was for you to tell me this here, in a place that you know I love so much. I thought that it would forever tarnish its beauty and that maybe I would find it impossible to ever return and enjoy it. But you know what? I’ve decided that you don’t get to take this away from me. I’ll be like these magnificent flowers instead. When they start out, they are shoved underground and covered with all kinds of ugly and unpleasant things like compost or fertilizer, but then they use those ingredients to grow and flourish until they emerge into something rare and beautiful. That’s what I’ll do, too. I’m going to take a little time to replenish myself and I will come out of this better than ever.”

“And I’m guessing you’ll be doing that without me, right?” He knew that would be the risk he’d be taking by clearing his conscience.

“That’s right. Did I ever tell you what my name means in Latin?”

He shook his head.

“The name Valerie means strong and brave. And that’s what I intend to be. Goodbye Greg.” She left him standing among a block of bright red tulips, becoming smaller and smaller as she walked away.