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Horror Science Fiction Suspense

"Thank you for calling the Mumbo Electronics Customer Service Hotline. Para Español diga, 'Español.' To order a Mumbo Bot V-3 say, 'Order V-3r.' To speak with a representative, say, 'Speak to a representative.' To report a malfunction or a defective unit, say, 'Report defective unit.' For more options say, 'More options.'"


"Report defective unit."


"Okay. Before we proceed, I need some information about your personal Mumbo Bot unit. Please say the eight-digit PIN, located at the back of the unit's neck."


“Six, two, five, four, four, zero, two, two, one.” "Thank you. Hold please.”


“We’re sorry, but the PIN you entered isn’t in our records.”


“What?”


“Please, say the eight-digit PIN printed on the back of the neck.”


 “Six, two, five, four, four, zero, two, two, one.”


“Thank you. Hold please.”


“We’re sorry, but the PIN you entered isn’t in our records.”


“Please wait, while I connect you to one of our customer service representatives.”


“Ah, jeez…”


"For quality assurance, your call may be monitored or recorded."


“Mumbo Electronics Incorporated prides itself in satisfying customers all over the world. Just this year alone, we were given the Excellence in Customer Satisfaction award...”


“Hello, my name is Steve. How may I help you?”


“Yes, I’m trying to report a defective unit, but your machine said that the PIN doesn’t exist.”


“I’m sorry about that. Let me key in the PIN for you right away.”


“Thank you! It’s…six, two, five…four, four, zero…two, two, one.”


“Okay…give me one moment, please… I’m sorry sir, but could you repeat it one more time.”


 "Six…two…five…four…four…zero…two, two, one.”


“Umm…I’m sorry about this sir, but I’m not seeing the PIN anywhere in our records."


“What?”


“Are you reading the PIN behind the model’s neck?”


“I’m looking straight at it!”


"Are there any scuffs, scratches or stains on the unit's neck?"


"Nope. I just bought it a few weeks ago!"


“Okay, no worries sir. Do you have a receipt for Mumbo Unit or purchase order?"


"Who holds onto something like that? It's either lost in my car or I threw it in the trash."


"I see. I'm sorry about this sir, but unless you have a valid PIN or proof of purchase, there’s nothing I can do."


"What am I supposed to…"


"Please hold, while I patch you through to Customer Security."


"Security?"


"Please, hold..."


"Mumbo Electronics Incorporated prides itself in satisfying customers all over the world. Just this year, we were given the Excellence in Customer Satisfaction award. While you wait, would you like to answer a quick survey?"


"Sure, why not?"


"I'm sorry I did not understand your response. Please say 'yes', or 'no.'" "Yes."


"On a scale of one to ten, how helpful was your customer service agent?"


"Uhh…six."


"On a scale of one to ten, how friendly was the customer service agent?"


"Eight."


"On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your overall experience?"


"Uh… a four."


" Thank you for taking the survey. Thank you for calling Mumbo Electronics Customer Service. Buh, bye!"


"Buh, bye, what? Hey, wait a minute. I was on hold! On… oh what a bunch of… I'll show them! Hang up on me, will you?"


"Thank you for calling the Mumbo Electronics Customer Service Hotline. Para Español diga, 'Español.' To order a Mumbo Bot V-3, please say…"


"Talk to a representative."


"Okay. Please wait, while I connect you to one of our customer service representatives.”


"For quality assurance, this call may be monitored, or recorded."


"Hello, this is Jane with Costumer Service. How may I help you?"


"Yes, I called in to report a defective unit, and I was being transferred to Security when you guys hang up on me!"


"I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like to register a complaint?" "I would, but I want to report my defective unit!"


"I understand, please hold while I transfer you to Customer Security." "Thank you!"


"Mumbo Electronics Incorporated prides itself in satisfying customers all over the world. Just this year alone, we were given the Excellence in Customer Satisfaction award. While you wait, would you like to answer a quick survey? If not, please stay on the line."


"Hello?"


"Yes. Hello? Who's this?"


"Hello, this is Customer Security. How may I help you?"


"I'm reporting a defective unit, and the guy, his name is Matt, said the model wasn't in your records, and he transferred me to you."


"I'm sorry. I do not understand."


"What? Am I talking to a human or a machine?"


"A human."


"No, you're definitely a machine. Connect me to a real person, please. Otherwise, I’m going to make a complaint!"


"Right away. Please, hold…" "Finally!"


"Thank you for calling Mumbo Electronics Customer Service. Buh, bye!"


"No! Don't you hang up on me! Wait, wait! Uggg! Unbelievable! I can’t believe…"


"Thank you for calling Mumbo Electronics Customer Service…"


"Talk to a representative!"


"Okay. Please hold while I connect you to one of our representatives."


"Hello?"


"Oh, wow! That was fast! Listen, I want to call in a complaint."


"Sorry to hear that. What is the nature of your complaint?"


"Every single time I get somewhere, you dummies put me on hold!”


“I’m sorry, I do not understand.”


“Don’t tell me you’re a robot too! What type of customer service is this?”


“How can I help you?”


“I want you to connect me with a real human being! Not a machine, a real human being! Do you understand that?"


“I’m sorry, I do not understand. Is there any way I can help you?”


“Transfer me to a real…human… being! Not a machine. A human being!”


“I’m sorry, I do not…”


“If you say, ‘I do not understand,’ one more time, I’m never going to buy a Mumbo… Wha-What? I thought I turned you off! How did you... Wait what are you doing? No, no, no! Please! Stay away! Get back! BACK! No, no, wait, NO…!!!”


“Thank you for calling the Mumbo Electronics Customer Service Hotline. Buh bye!”

February 22, 2023 03:39

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