Wake up

May my lover be the light of my future. May my lover be the one to help my heartbreak. May my lover do the impossible. May my lover take caution. May my lover slow down for me to catch up. May my lover be me. That’s what she said!- okay not a joke.

They say to love someone else, you need to love yourself. What was the point in loving yourself when yourself, you are ugly. Your wild heart may live a life but these were the days that killed the spirits built inside of you. You would meet up with her, laugh with her, live with her, nurture her, pull her out of the gutter in the darkest of times... and she does this.

Nathan stared down at his clothes, ripped, shredded. He was in the gutter but where was she. New man: new identity. John to Nathan. Coward to man! Yes he had anger issues when at a young foolish time but couldn’t she look past that. With her hooking up with every single man in the city, why wouldn’t he be angry? Looking down, he felt the bitter, painful tear splash onto the ground that stood opposite of her building. Sharply he looked up at the window, a scene splayed in his visions.

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“John! Johnny! Pizzas here, get the door.” Hannah bewilderedly raises her voice and leaches out to the remote. Her pizza energy was low, she needed to keep it up.

Whistling in the distance, John staggers through the door and speedily sets the pizza on the coffee table. Eyes seducing the pizza box, he opens the box and without looking, he grabs the biggest, cheesiest pizza slice and nabs a big bite.

Hannah stifles a laughter as she steadies her body, “The look on your face!” Breathing out, she rolls off of the sofa laughing as John chuckles slowly. Until it cuts off.

“Why did you order pineapple? I hate them and you know that!” John shouts irritated.

“All right! Calm down! Half is pineapple and half is plain cheese. Okay.” Hannah says as she blows the wisps of hair out of her view.

“Still! It’s not funny. You could’ve told me!” He continues.

“Don’t get butt-hurt! Stop acting like a baby.” She argues as she stares at his scarlett, humiliated face...

“Look, I know it’s a big deal after your parents died. They were like parents to me as well.”

“Just because your mother dumped you off at our house every time she went off on her shopping spree, doesn’t make my parents yours.” He announces as he cuts her off. A new, harsh side she had never seen.

“Look I’m sorry but my mum...” Hannah stuttered as she looked ashamed at the ground. John walks away angrily and stomps into her bedroom.

Stumbling after him like a goat. One by one, her things were flung down the stairs into a heap of mess. Exasperated she stomped into the eerie, idle kitchen and grabbed her coat. As she cautiously stepped over the heaps of clothes and shattered glass bottles.

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But obviously she didn’t know he knew about her cheats and certain friends. Pulling his head out of the clouds, Nathan looked down at his watch, fifteen past six. Dinner. Somewhere romantic. Dark like herself, the devil. Presumably fine diners... nearby with no onlookers. Maison Bleue probably.

Absorbed into the heat, she walked unsteadily on the rickety path, where she meets her over generous friend. Pulls in her driveway is an expensive car, sports car to be precise; Aston Martin DBR1. “Gold digger.” Nathan mumbles through gritted teeth. Spitting on the ground, he pulls his hood up and steps back against the wall to camouflage in with the jealous darkness. Out comes a tuxedo man with a tinted french accent. As Hannah pulls him close, painfully, he pulls away his eyes from the scene and walks down the alley to his Jeep Compass. Riding it out at a safe distance, he follows the car to the place he knew she would go.

It felt like he took out gasoline and poured it over his self esteem. Entering the restaurant, he hid his face with the menu. “Good afternoon sir, how has your day been?” Stumbling out of his chapters, he eyed the man confusedly in front of him until he finally understood.

“Oh, umm, sorry. Distracted, you know. How has your day been?” Nathan uttered out.

“Exceptional, What would you like?” The man asked with a smile as he looked away as he looked at me extra well. Great, now he thought I was a psycho wrapped and trapped in his thoughts. Nathan was starving, all he could eat for breakfast was the pecks of toast. “Buttered sautéed potatoes: £3.50. Mixed green vegetables £3.50. Espresso £3.50. How much does that cost?” Nathan asked, he hadn’t been to school for long, he had to drop out to step up for his fathers place, his dad was right. Getting married without certainty will always bring trouble and end up with the right getting hurt. But he didn’t get married to Hannah, she was his friend to girlfriend to cohabitation.

“Sir, did you hear me? £10.05. That’s what it makes.” The man says as he turns his back as fast as he could to serve another table, yup, definitely thought to be a psycho.

Peering over at the table Hannah and her “......” had their hands wrapped around with their fingers laced. Eyes sparkling with ‘pure’ love, Hannah giggle sweetly, girl-like at him as his face became sweaty.

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“John, do you love me love me?” Hannah asked as she stared into Johns eyes.

“What do you think?” Questioned John as his expression stayed sour. nte he

“No! I want to hear it from you.” Hannah pleaded as she folded her arms like an adult trying to convince a lying child. “Go on then!”

“I - I can’t say it.” John stuttered, ashamed of himself.

“Why? You are so pathetic. You go on about love when... you don’t even actually love me. You psycho! I knew you were a psycho when I saw you. But I still approached you, what luck!”

John couldn’t say anything. She did this to him. She made him a coward and he wanted revenge he vowed for it.

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Once the food had arrived, it’s steaminess added to the scene. Hannah’s leg climbed the mans leg as he quivered and grinned. Nathan gripped his fork as his knuckles bleached to white. “Coward” roamed in his head. It tortured him. All the pictures of her with other men tortured him.

Suddenly looking up, she wasn’t there. Searching around frantically, there she was, walking towards the back. The restaurant was fairly empty and Nathan needed to pull his name back. Give some get some. Pushing his chair back, he strides over to the back of the restaurant where she stands all alone, in the corner, under the stairs. Why was she there?

“Hi John.” Says Hannah as she continues to stare at the wall.

“Nathan, you mean.” Nathan replies fiercely.

“Got a bit of tongue there have we.” Remarked Hannah as she spins around on her black, expensive heels. Nathan gawked at her mesmerising dress that held her beauty but it revealed too much, like her. Before she could notice him, he pulled his eyes back up.

Hannah returned a soft fake smile as Nathan bitterly frowned. The creases on her forward spread out she smiled even more harder. “What is the problem?”

“Nothing.” Nathan sighs. “Nothing.”

“You need me back? Or be a part of my little gang.” She snarled knowingly. She knew that he had discovered it but he never spoke up, because he was a coward. “Do you love me?”

Nathan wasn’t going to play coward, he was gonna play the hero. “Do you love me?”

“Yes.” Hannah noted. “Yes I do. I can’t stop thinking of you.”

“Even with all those men around you, still. Even when you steal the money from their wallets, still. Or even when you hook up with every man!” Nathan breathlessly shouted. He felt like crying, but he wasn’t the coward.

“Yes.” She quiveringly said. Tears streamed down Hannah’s face. Crocodile tears Nathan told himself repeatedly. It was part of her act to get the money.

Pulling out the cash stuffed into his pocket, he threw it at her face. It splashed all around her as she continued crying. Walking towards her, he whispered harshly in her ear, “Have a nice life with all those men, faker.”

And with that he walked out of the place as a man, he walked out of the country as a husband, and he walked into heaven as a grandfather.

Hannah walked out of life as a coward.