The Whistle

Submitted into Contest #76 in response to: Write a story told exclusively through dialogue.... view prompt

4 comments

Mystery Crime Drama

The Whistle

“There is not another car in sight on this deserted highway. I should have talked you out of taking us on a short cut through the hills and we should’ve left that miserable party hours ago.” said Lara angrily to Mike. “But no, you were glued to the bar and now it’s 2 a.m. on this stormy night. What is wrong with you?”

“I was enjoying myself, unlike some other people here,” was Mike’s sarcastic resort. “In the ten years we’ve been together have you ever enjoyed anything?”

“Drinking myself senseless is not my idea of fun,” replied Lara angrily, “and you are not a fun drunk, Mike. You are a selfish and self-centered pig when you are drunk.”

“Stop the car. I can’t bear to be with you,” he replied in a steely cold voice. 

“Don’t be stupid,” she retorted “We are in the middle of nowhere, and the wind is blowing like crazy! I’m not going to stop here.”

“Mike stop grabbing the wheel, we’ll have an accident,” said Lara slapping his hand away. “Mike the car is swerving violently, we’ll crash into something. STOP it!”

“Oh My God! What was the thud?” asked Lara in panic. “Have we hit someone?”

“Wait in the car, I’ll go and check.” said a visibly shaken Mike.

“Wait, I’m coming with you,” replied Lara. “Oh man, the wind is so gusty, its whipping my hair across my face and making my eyes sting.”

“There’s nothing under the car,” said Mike.

“I definitely felt the car roll over something,” said Lara. “I’m sure you felt it too.”

“What could it be? If it was an animal, it would still be here somewhere,” mussed Mike.

“What is that sound?” asked Lara, “It seems to be coming from somewhere behind us. Maybe that’s who we accidentally hit.”

“Sounded like an eerie whistle and it seemed to come from the forest,” said Mike. “You wait in the car and I’ll go take a quick look to make sure no one is hurt.” 

“No, please don’t leave me here alone. I’m getting really spooked, I’m coming with you,” said Lara.

“Sweetheart don’t be scared, I can bet you anything that it’s just the wind howling that is making all these strange sounds,” said Mike reassuringly. “But come along if you must.”

“I am feeling shivers go down my spine looking at these desolate wind bent Cyprus trees and the ghostly reflections the flashlight is throwing on them,” said Lara. “The waves sound ferocious, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near the ocean tonight. I wish we were safely back at home.”

“Once we know for sure that we didn’t hit anyone we can be on our way home,” replied Mike. “We don’t want to leave anyone hurt in the middle of nowhere.”

“I know you are right, but I’m getting a really bad feeling about this place,” said Lara.

“You are letting your fears cloud your brain,” said Mike. “We have our cell phones on us and the cops are but a phone call away.”

“Mike look to your right, by the trees!” exclaimed Lara “There’s a young woman, with long blonde hair standing there and she is staring at us.”

“Oh my gosh she’s bleeding from her forehead and the blood is dripping down her face, on to her white dress,” said Mike. “She seems to be badly hurt.”

“Is she? I can’t see in the fog; do you think she’s the one we ran over?” whispered Lara.

“Hello, are you alright?” cried out Mike, with a quiver in his voice. “We’re sorry; we didn’t mean to hit you. We can take you to the nearest hospital.”

“Where is she?” cried Lara. “Oh Mike, she seems to have disappeared in the fog by the cliff. She was standing there and now she’s gone.” 

“Let me call for an ambulance,” said Mike, “you look for a landmark we can give them for our location.” 

“Are you kidding me? What landmark is here?” said Lara laughing hysterically. “The only landmark here are the ghostly Cyprus trees.” 

“Lara, this is not the time for hysterics,” said Mike. “Damn it, there is no cell phone reception here.” 

“Let’s go back to the car and call 911,” replied Lara. “We can tell them about the accident.” 

“The girl seemed to be bleeding profusely. It’s too far of a walk to the car and then to come all the way back here,” said Mike. “I suggest we find her and take her back to the car with us. We’ll walk a little further, she is probably somewhere here, we just can’t see her in this thick fog.”

“It seems like we have been going around in circles for the past one hour and the flashlight is not making a dent in the invisibility,” said Lara. “I don’t think we’ll find her, let’s go back.”

“Okay let’s head back,” said Mike.

“I’m slipping……” cried Lara.

“Lara, are you alright?” asked Mike. “Lara where are you? Lara?”

“My darling, you are the most brilliant actor I know!” said the woman in the white dress, “Leading her to the edge of the cliff and then giving her a light effortless push was all it took for her to step down to her death on the jagged rocks below. I love you for your brilliance!”

“I love you too, you, marvelous creature! Come here and give me a kiss,” said Mike. “Celeste, your whistling was a touch of genius. If I didn’t know it was you, I would be running for the hills.”

“Your plan worked to the T, Mike,” said Celeste, “However, did you look down to see where she fell, and if she is close enough for the thunderous waves to carry her body into the ocean?” 

“Good idea! Wait right here and I’ll peer down the cliff to see if I can see her body,” said Mike, “and then off we ride into the sunset, living our fantasy life, financed by Lara’s life insurance.”

“It’s so foggy I don’t see anything,” said Mike. “Let me get a little closer to the edge.”

“Why, Celeste …….” Mike’s voice carried faintly over the wind. 

“Lara, grab my hand so I can pull you up,” said Celeste.

“We pulled it off Celeste!” said Lara hugging her, “Sitting for those ten minutes on that ledge off the cliff were the longest ten minutes of my life, I was petrified that Mike would look down and see me squatting on the ledge.”

“For years he cheated on me and sponged off me but I forgave him,” said Lara. “But to think that the monster wanted to kill me for my life insurance! Thank you Celeste for letting me on to his plan.”

“Forget the past and let’s start anew with Mike’s life insurance,” said Celeste whistling back to the car.  

January 14, 2021 18:13

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4 comments

Hayley Roberts
21:20 Jan 22, 2021

I love the plot twists, especially the one in the end. I like how the dialogue gives space and time to the story. I tend to skip over dialogue tags unless I don't know who is speaking. I know I tend to include tags for every part of conversation, but some can be left out, especially when there has been an established order of conversation. Like Lara talks, then Mike, then the next part I know will be Lara unless otherwise stated. But other than the few extra dialogue tags (which really isn't that bad), this was a really well-written story. I...

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Sona Sethi
02:58 Jan 24, 2021

Thank you Hayley. I appreciate the suggestion for the dialogue tag and I will definitely keep it in mind.

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H.K. Slade
21:51 Jan 21, 2021

Many years ago, I had a much better writer than I will ever be give me some advice: "Lay off at the adverbs, kid, particularly on dialogue tags." I had to go back through and rewrite all my dialogue because without the tags, it didn't convey emotion. You don't have that problem. Your dialogue conveys emotion just fine, but that makes the adverbs redundant. “Drinking myself senseless is not my idea of fun,” replied Lara angrily, “and you are not a fun drunk, Mike. You are a selfish and self-centered pig when you are drunk.” The words Lara ...

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Sona Sethi
03:02 Jan 24, 2021

Thank you and I will keep your suggestion in mind.

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