Thank You for Your Disservice

 This story, like the last one contains references to child abuse in the various forms that is done to kids not old enough to read this.

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I couldn’t trust the grown-up because he was a grown-up. So, I was scared when he asked me a question.

Then the grown man by the gate looked with his old-beard and priests-towel asked me “And who are you, young lady?”

I stuttered a bit and was quiet in case I got the question wrong because then he’d go on correcting me forever and ever, and if I tried to say something about it he’d get mad at me for interrupting because it’s rude to interrupt grown-ups even when no one was saying anything.

“I’m... Luze. I’m only ----- but I have the reading level of someone who’s ------!”

“Very impressive.” He said, before putting his hand out to ruffle my hair. I stepped back since I didn’t want to be ruffled. This made him look sad because sometimes when old people get sad it means to get away before they get real mad. Sometimes they get sad because others got mad at them. I think this one was the second one because he wasn’t crying or yelling at me. That happens when I do something bad, but they say that I was an accident and that I’m always doing something bad even when I thought I was doing it right, and I thought I was doing it right because they told me to do it that way.

I looked at him like I do when my parents got mad and made myself look real-big and puffed my eyes out a whole bunch, the way it looks when I am thinking.

I don’t know why I did that, but my teachers got mad because I couldn’t stop, and they didn’t know what I was thinking. This time, though, I could stop, but I thought he was gonna be mad, so I got ready to run somewhere. I always try to find a place to go, but this place goes on forever and ever, for over 100 miles, so I couldn’t run, but I didn’t want to get ruffled again today because last time the door was locked, and I couldn’t get out then I was in a closet and now I’m here.

“I’m not mad and here no one will hurt you again.”

I started backing up and trying to look brave even though I was scared because grown-ups said a lot of things they didn’t mean; even though that’s against the rules because they’re allowed to do anything that they want, and I can’t because grown-ups don’t have to listen to anyone, even the police-officers because the police-officers are too busy doing nothing all day.

“What those people did when they pretended to be your new mommy and daddy was very bad, and that’s why they’re not allowed here, and I’m not going to hurt you.”

I think I started to cry a little and then I got down onto the ground because I’ve been told that before, but it wasn’t true. Grown-ups say that you need to be honest but when you’re honest you get in trouble; but if they catch you lying, you get in trouble. So, you need to look like you’re being honest but don’t tell the truth. This is what they do all the time to get out of trouble and it works a lot better than telling the truth. The grown-up then touched my shoulder before I brushed it off me.

“But you’re a grown-up that’s what you have to do.”

He sat with me on the ground. That doesn’t happen much, but when they do, they’re usually nice, even when they become mean later. It means that they don’t want to look big or scary and want to look nice even though the nice people surprise you by being mean later, so you need to be careful.

“Do you know why you’re here Luze?”

“Because my new daddy got mad and took me away, so he’d feel better, and mommy let him because she loved my new daddy more than my old daddy, so then I bumped my head and then I fell asleep and woke up here because I got caught because it was Marcus’s day off but the mean lady was still at the zoo, so I had to go to the doctor, but the doctor said I had to go back to my mommy and new daddy and my daddy and new mommy because they were nice to other grown-ups and not me, so I ran away and lived at the zoo which people say is bad, but I did it because they’re not very smart, and I was smart enough to have a camp inside the tiger forest which Marcus said you could go into when he was a kid, but you can’t go into anymore, but then he said he wouldn’t tell anyone because his-”

“Luze, you have a lot to say, don’t you?”

“Yes, I need to make sure that I wait to talk and then. If I stop talking, then I won’t get another turn to talk, and so if I don’t keep talking, I’ll get in trouble or never be allowed to say anything ever, even if I need to go to the bathroom and I ca-

“Who is that Marcus that you mentioned?”

I decided that when grown-ups don’t want me to be quiet, they want me to be silly and smart.

“He works at the zoo, but he’s not a zookeeper; he’s in charge of the really mean animals.”

“And who might that be Luze?”

“The guests!” I said laughing because Marcus is silly and the bearded guy laughed too.

“Was he nice?”

“The day after I tricked my way into the zoo, I was hungry. But I had to wait to leave my camp until the zoo was open so that no one would know that I was there when I wasn’t sposed’ to be. I was smart enough to bring some food, but I didn’t want to eat it all in case people stopped throwing theirs away. Why would you buy somethin’ and not eat it?”

“Well, some grown-ups are not very smart, but how did you meet Marcus?”

“I slept in the bamboo for all-week where no one would look because of the tigers are there, and the tigers are really big, and that’s bigger than my wing-span”.

I put out my arms, “wing-span is what the eagle sign calls how far you can stretch your arms”, but I can’t stretch them far enough because my new daddy didn’t like vegetables very much, and so I couldn’t become tall enough. but

I could still sneak into small areas which is always fun and also good because I could go and hide easier, so I did that sometimes behind things.

Sometimes I hide in family groups of other families who don’t notice me, but there were no families there yet, so I’d be found. and I waited until the zoo was open so no one would know I tricked my way in there.

“There was a guy with girl hair there named Marcus I then asked him about the gorillas and looked real smart. After asking him everything I could to look smart. He knew a lot of things because he had a safari hat, and he was really old. So old that he’s been in high school for three years!”

“That must seem long.”

“It is long, which is why I wanted to look smart, so that he’d feel bad for me and give me stuff. So, I started to say what I knew, so I could look even smarter.

“He even said that I knew too much! Now that he knew how clever I was, I asked him for a quarter to buy trail mix because it has protein that’ll make me fuller longer and then; he said that I was smarter than the grown-ups at the zoo, so he bought me the whole bag by himself!

“Later, I did the same thing with a really big lady who was very hairy. Then, she ruffled me, when I thought only dads could do that. until Marcus came back and stopped her, even though she was bigger; so, I ran back to the tigers

“But then another day - when there was a lot of people, and I was getting their forgotten-food - I saw him. and I got real scared because I didn’t know if he was going to ruffle me, and so I ran away because I was really scared even though I thought I was brave and so.

“I dropped my ice-cream, which had only a little left, but I was really sad because I didn’t have any more and it was on my shorts. and I couldn’t wash em’ real good even though I had to learn to wash my scout stuff alone because my mom wouldn’t and it was really hard to.

“I was real scared, so I ran around a bit with some other kids at the playground whose parents left them there - because it’s cheaper than baby-sitting sense since they’re not babies - and so they were there every day. And It was fun to tricker people with, and they had crackers. But later, when they went home, I went back to my home too because my home was with the tigers.

“But then Marcus said that he saw me on his way out, so the next morning when he told me this, he was just waking me up. I was really scared then but I knew that screaming would get me in trouble, so I didn’t do that, and he said that it would be okay. He gave me twenty dollars, which is a lot of money, but he said I needed that more because he makes that every two-hours and thirty-minutes, and it takes me a lot longer.

“He seemed nice and then he was on his lunchbreak. He gave me food as long as he said that I was his niece if anyone asked, but no one cared enough to ask, so he got me a fun souvenir cup with a tiger on top.

“I don’t have any tigers, even though I live with them, but I do have a couple others that I found: an elephant someone got from the gift-shop and dropped, and a little blue monkey who’s hands stuck together and hugged its hands around its neck.”

The bearded grown-up thought about what I said because I can say a lot of words “That was very nice of him.”

“I wish I was still there, but then one day, the mean lady was there again, so I hit her to get away. But this time, he [Marcus] wasn’t [there], so I ran away [to the playground?] and then. The kids I played with told their mom, and at first, I was excited that I could sleep over even though camping was fun and people have birthdays sleeping at the zoo. But then some very mean people from a government-department put me back with them even though government-departments are sposed’ to be smart.

“So then they took me away forever and ever, and they didn’t let me have my tiger back and. They put me in a room with only a ring toy for babies that has five rings you can stack on top of each other, for hours and hours, before putting me with a new family that said I couldn’t be trusted because I didn’t trust grown-ups. They never let me be alone or go outside until I was put back with my mommy and new daddy who did all that, and now I’m here.”

“I’m sure that was very scary, you must have been very brave.”

“I know, but where are we now? I didn’t run away to here because that’s not allowed anymore.”

“Believe it or not you didn’t have to run here, and now you won’t have to run anywhere else.”