The Date

      I’m like a socially-inept swine as I sit in my car, nervously waiting for Cassie. I asked her out on a date and she chose some new steakhouse in the middle of nowhere. For years, we’ve been “just friends”—that’s mostly because she used to date my best friend, Kayden. There’s an unofficial rule between men that says “bros before hoes.” This means that there’s a hierarchy that prioritizes male friendships over any girlfriends. Women come and go, but male friendships are supposed to last forever. Even though Cassie hasn’t dated Kayden in a few years, Kayden has told me, on numerous occasions, that he didn’t want me to date his ex. I can be with any other girl in the universe, but Cassie was off limits—that was the primary term of our friendship.

           Cassie leaves her house while yelling, “yeah, I know, mom. I will.” As she quickly approaches my car, I check out her flowing red hair, her mini-skirt which barely covers her long legs, and her voluptuous cleavage. Bro code or not, I’m only human. How can I resist this paragon of femininity? And, it wasn’t just her physicality; her personality made her like one of the guys. She loved playing basketball, video games, watching king-fu movies, and smoking joints and drinking forties in the park.

           “Hey! Why don’t you take a picture?” she says. “It’ll last longer.”

           “I’ve already taken a few mental pictures,” I joke. “You look fire, for real.”

           Cassie sits in the passenger seat. I lean over and give her a kiss before driving off. The thing about dating your best friend’s ex, behind his back; all the usual spots become off limits. We’ve basically had to blacklist almost half the city. If we didn’t, there’d be a chance that Kayden or some looky-loo would see us.

           Aside from the loud music, we drive in near silence. My thoughts kept creeping to my guilt at having betrayed Kayden. In fact, I was considering an exit strategy that would hopefully salvage both relationships.

           “Why are you so quiet?” Cassie asks.

           “Uh, just thinking about stuff,” I reply.

           “Such as?” she says.

           “I was trying to decide which pizza is better: Gabriel’s or Bouboul’s,” I tell her.

           Cassie laughs as she taps me on the shoulder and shakes her head. “Bouboul’s, obviously!! How is that even a debate?”

           “Well,” I say, “Boulboul’s makes the best garlic sauce. I’ll give them that but Gabriel’s makes the best crust.

           “Still, Gabriel’s never had the forethought that their clients might want a sauce to overcome their dry crusts.”

           This is why I love Cassie: she always has something to say, no matter how mundane the subject might be. I place my hand on her thigh and look into her eyes. All of a sudden, the interior of the car is lit up from an oncoming car’s headlights.

           “Look out!” Cassie shouts, but it’s too late.

           A rapidly approaching car horn stops and it’s replaced by the sound of metal, impacting metal, glass shattering, airbags deploying, and our screams.

I wake up and realize that the car’s in a ditch. Cassie is crying but, aside from that, she seems to be okay. The car roof has caved in a bit and the dashboard in a bit closer than before, making the car’s interior much cozier. My nose is sore and I can taste some blood in my mouth—probably as a result of the airbag.

I hear footsteps outside. I look out the broken window and see a bearded man approach the mangled car. “Holy crud, are you guys okay?”

Cassie and I nod. I unbuckle my seat belt and do the same for Cassie. The bearded man opens my door and I climb out of the car. I go to Cassie’s side but, because of the impact, the door has been fused shut.

“Cassie, the door isn’t opening,” I tell her. “You’re going to have to get out from my side.”           “This is one hell of a first date, Lucas,” she jokes. “Definitely one for the history books.” She groans in pain as she wiggles her way out of the passenger seat and into the driver’s seat. I pull her out the rest of the way.

“The name’s Nick Azazel,” says the bearded man.

“I’m Lucas and this is Cassie,” I reply.

Nick looks us over and stares a long time at Cassie. “You kids haven’t been drinking, have you?”

“Not yet,” I explain. “We were on our way to this steakhouse on the far side of town.”

“Jezebel’s?”

“How’d you know?” asks Cassie.

“Just came from there,” replies Nick. “Best steakhouse in town. I’m there like every night.”

“Oh shit, where’s my phone?” Cassie asks as she bends to look inside the wrecked car.

I search inside my pockets as well—I also realize that my phone is missing. I start looking around the outside of the car.

Nick lights a cigarette as he watches us searching for our phones. “Loose objects tend to go flying in a car accident. I can give you kids a ride to Jezebel’s, if you’d like. You can come back to look for your phones when there’s daylight.”

I look as Cassie and she gives me a wide-eyed look as though she wants me to tell this guy to fuck off.

“Nick, do you have a cellphone that we can borrow?” I ask.

“No, those things rot your soul and eventually give you brain cancer,” Nick replies. He takes a drag from his cigarette. “But there’s a phone at Jezebel’s. You can call for a tow truck and a cab.”

“Okay, can we go now?” Cassie asks. “It’s cold out here and I need a drink.” She walks towards Nick’s truck which is parked on the shoulder of the road.

As we approach Nick’s truck, the first thing that I notice is that it is completely unscathed following the accident: no scratches, dents, or any damage whatsoever.

“You’re lucky that your truck is completely undamaged,” I point out. “I don’t even know how that’s possible.”

Nick chuckles. “Yeah, my truck’s indestructible. She and I have been to Hell and back.”

Cassie and I both sit in the front passenger seat, next to Nick. The inside of the truck is sweltering hot and the there is a red glow from the red LED lights in the dashboard. “Mind if I smoke?” Nick asks. Before we have a chance to answer, he’s already lit his cigarette.

We sit in uncomfortable silence as Nick drives down the road. I try to keep from gagging as the truck fills with smoke. Thankfully, it’s a short ride and we arrive at Jezebel’s in about ten minutes.

Nick parks the truck and we all get out and walk across the half-full parking lot into the brightly-lit steakhouse. Inside, some patrons are seated at the bar, while others are sitting at the tables which are distributed around the room.

“Hey Joe, I brought you some fresh meat,” Nick announces to the burly bartender. Joe is heavily tattooed and he’s wiping down some glasses. Nick says to us, “try not to get too wasted. Just as a heads up, Joe’s a bit generous with his shots, so pace yourselves.

“Can I get a Rum and Coke and…” I glance over at Cassie.

“Long Island Iced Tea,” she replies. “Lots of ice.”

“RC and LIT coming right up,” says Joe as he places two clean glasses on the counter.

 Cassie looks over at Nick. “Can I bum a smoke?”

Nick nods as he passes her his pack. “Have the rest. I’ve got a carton in the truck.”

Cassie lights her cigarette and starts smoking. Nick wraps an arm around her shoulders, in a way that makes me uneasy. The ambient noise is loud enough that I can’t quite hear the rest of their conversation. What I think I heard: “if you want to be with a real man, you’ll ditch this loser and come back with me to my truck.”

What I know for sure is that Cassie giggles at what Nick has said and she goes in closer to say something in his ear.

I take her hand and pull her towards me. “I thought you were on a date with me.”

Cassie kisses me. “Of course, I’m just being polite. Once he’s gone, you’ll have me all to yourself.” This makes me relieved and hopeful.

Nick puts his hands on both our shoulders. “Well, I’m off. It’s been a pleasure meeting both of you and best of luck with everything.”

“Thanks for the ride,” I reply.

“And the smokes,” Cassie says.

Nick winks at us as he strides out the door.

As Joe prepares our drinks, we look around the bar. We start to realize that something is off. For instance, the three men that are seated at the table, for an instant, appear to be demonic creatures with wings. Their pitcher of beer is actually a living, human head with an open top.

I close and then reopen my eyes and realize that there’s three regular-looking guys having a drink at that table with their large glass pitcher in the middle of the table. Maybe I got a concussion from the crash. For the first time, I realize that that we should get checked out at a hospital.

           Cassie touches my hand and asks, “you all right?”

           I shake my head. “I’m not sure. Have you seen anything weird?”

           “Nothing weirder than usual,” she replies. “I mean, it’s a bit different than what I’d expect from a first date but we’re fine and that’s what counts.”

           “I promise you that we’ll have a redo,” I say. “Let’s get something to eat and then take a cab back to the hospital.”

           Joe brings us our drinks. We clink our glasses and sip our drinks. “I feel bad about Kayden,” I blurt out. “We shouldn’t sneak around like this.”

           “If you want to tell him the truth, go ahead,” replies Cassie. “Don’t be surprised if he tells us both to fuck off.”

           Suddenly, it feels like the entire room starts to spin and the bar patrons are no longer regular patrons. The clientele now consists of giant locusts, demons, giant lizards and other indescribable monsters. Each of them is either feeding on human body parts or drinking blood from decapitated human heads.

           My movements happen in slow motion while everything around me seems to be going at normal speed. I notice that Cassie is not reacting to any of this. I tap her on the shoulder and her head turns around, a full 360 degrees to glare at me.

           I scream as I back away from her. “What’s wrong, Lucas? Don’t you like me anymore?” she asks. Her voice sounds different—inhuman.

           I back into a giant locust which is standing on its hind legs. I throw my drink in its face and punch my way through a few other monsters that have approached me. I’m able to get past them. I look back and I’m stunned to see Cassie starting to transform into a red-colored insectoid creature. I run as fast as I can and go out the door.

           Once outside the door, I stop. The parking lot is gone. In its place is molten lava as far as I can see. I walk across the deck and see that there is more lava on the other side. We’re completely surrounded.

           The monsters exit the steakhouse and approach me. I drop to my knees and start praying even though I know that it’s too late for God to save me.