Darker Lipstick ( 1st book in series)

If I rub my ruffled fingertips into the lining of my jacket one more time, the bartender will continue to make that face. That face that will expresses a lightning bolt of discomfort. His lips squirming with pre paid insults about me that only live in his head. Those awful slights would expand outwardly and grow fungus in the ears of his co-workers. But That would happen on my departure, he sadly would have to wait.

Tapping my glass seemed pompous so I tried to say my drink order out loud . This part was a struggle for me, and clearly wasn’t received correctly by the well dress bartender. Rolling his eyes and walking away, he re-filled my drink with the last one I had. I wanted something different , But the punishment was warranted for the performance I gave. The worst part of this transaction was a subtle tap on my shoulder after he walked past my table. The tap was drenched in pity. It was a custom built shoulder contact gesture. A tap for an older single man sitting at a large community table at in a bar grading papers. His finger tips were also in better shape than mine which sent me into a physical slump.

I missed my office! My office and the silence it gave me. The college I’m a professor at was in an up roar over a scandal. Take your pick of classic horror stories you hear about teacher / student interactions. If you picked the one that Involves sexual relations? You would be spot on. Three of my fellow coworkers were discovered having inappropriate relationships with students. The details were foggy but the sentences were now set in stone. This week was the settling of the dust if you will. Our offices will open up tomorrow morning and this nightmare of working at this bar would be over.

I can almost hear your thoughts!

Why not just work out of my own home!? It was a sensory thing. I needed to be silent, as well as seeing people moving about. As a failed writer and now a newly crowned English lit professor. I found this was my execution process. And what soon to be settling old man doesn’t love a good process. But now it’s been reduced to an oak barrel scotch drink and a bartender that looks at my life as a fall risk. Ugh! My sigh came out like an obnoxious over due bill. Moving my eyes over my papers, the bar atmosphere twirled around me like a straw to a mouth. College jackets on every chair back. Chicken fingers and hair gel smells were slowing my attention span. I was almost done, and my night would end in a similar good vibe theme. Vitamins and a sleep mask would be my lover tonight.

Do you know what really bothered me? Every professor was interrogated. I was somewhat in the middle of the pack regarding the order of the interrogations. I watched the hallways cover themselves with gossip and rumors. Crying eyes from grown men and stress raking at even the ones that were innocent. Either clean or guilty, the space we called our job was now an oven with teeth. Either you knew someone who did it, or you were the one. Everybody was at fault, So it would seem.

When it became my turn I walked into the designated room and sat down ready to give them whatever they needed.

Granted I didn’t know anything or would ever do anything like that! I just wanted to cooperate….I wanted to be apart of something.

The average time for these particular meetings were about running two hours long. My meeting was less then three minutes! I was dismissed early due to my lack of social involvement. That was thee official statement they gave me. Not only was I not accused or mention by a student. But my co- workers didn’t mention me either. I wasn’t mentioned in any way, not even as a point of reference. I’ve been at this school for 5 years and I didn’t have a single friend in this building. My students knew me as just a person in front of them. And my peers just viewed me as small talk target practice. The administration thanked me for being a professional and a gentleman. I even got a promotion due to the vacancy the three convicted professors. I was excused from the room with a since of some sort of a positive notion. And then they would shake my hand and give me a shoulder pat.

I was slightly offended. And I know how gross that sounds in hindsight. But I think I was just non aware of how much of a ghost I’ve become. Snapping out my thoughts I began working on the last paper. The bar was crowded but not to point where someone needed to sit next to me.

So when someone did, I was startled a bit. I shuffled my seat away and never lifted my head up. I can feel my self getting clammy, but my discipline as an educator was at a very high level. It was a skill I didn’t know I had until I quit trying be a writer. Chasing a dream talent just to find my submissive talent. I rarely break my focus, but then I heard her voice! “Do you want some” that was the question she asked me. So I had to look up! I couldn’t ignore a voice like that. “Do you want some” she asked again. I looked up and saw a basket of chicken fingers and knew she was referring to this freind peace greeting . And then I looked at her! Her hair was cut short with round bangs that moved like barley in a field. Peach pale skin and with oval shaped eyes. Her outfit was amazing and simple. A Plaid skirt with a quote for a tattoo, on her right thigh. Hells and a funny T- shirt with a sweater. I saw her lips curl to ask for a third time, and I didn’t want that. So I cut her off by saying yes! My smile was almost unbearable to hold. My body felt like it was waving. This had to be one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. While this high tension of pure silence was happening. A kid that clearly went to school here, ran into our table. We both reacted the same way, Me and this mystery being. Our faces were in pure symmetry over this act. Our eyes rolled and we blew our breathe. My thoughts were drenched and how stupid the youth could be at times. And when I looked back at her face, I could tell she was sprinkled with the same feeling.

Ian was my name, and Erin was her name. It was the first time all week I told someone what my name was. Maybe even all month.

We talked for hours, It only seemed liked minutes. The bartender who was now my biggest fan, was giving me winks and ok symbols. He Began to lock up and usher people out of the door. “Walk me Home” Erin said this as a question but it was delivered in a whisper. That question was one I would gladly say yes to a hundred times over. We were arm and elbow intertwined and the chemistry that was sprouting out of our chest, was disturbing my heart beats. The kind bouncer, Although terrible at his job, Said mam to Her on the way out and Erin laughed relentlessly. Without warning The walk to Erins house was re routed to my apartment. She said something about her roommate being up. A temporary Roomate said she that was only in town for a week. A tiny bit weird, but I got passed it. So we went to my apartment. When she walked inside my door she yelled the word fancy! It was a bit obnoxious but in the way of like saying the word surprise! I was tickled by her humor and comfort. She slipped out of her heels and began to study the paintings on my wall. We talked about this he same things on opposite couches . It felt good to be on the cloud 9 for once. I was flirting incredibly and I could feel it coming back to me like a receipt . At one point she said she had a crush on me!? I was confused because I don’t know if we ever met Erin before. But I didn’t question it, so we moved on.

her and I danced to my playlist that had a mix of 90s and current music and classical abrasions of jazz. She was Almost familiar with every song. We had so much in common and holding her felt like running in a pool. Weightless and glowing She asked me if she could sleep here!? I told her she could have my bed and I would sleep on the couch. Erin put here arms on my neck and simply shook her head no! Meaning I didn’t have to be away from her. She wanted to go to the bathroom first, so I sat in my chair. A chair I’ve sat in so many nights alone. Dis- attached and alone, and for the first time in a long time I felt apart. I was so into this moment that my thoughts were distant cousins. I didn’t think about anything because I didn’t need to. Right now me and this beautiful woman where about to … wait?

I never asked if she was..

Hey” Erin said as she came out of the bathroom with a giant smile. Hey! I said back with a nervous posture . She asked me if the thing on my kitchen table was an air fryer? Yes I said. Her eyes started to sparkle. I’ve never used one before.

“Can you teach me professor”

the end.