A Love Story

Is it too much to ask to find someone I can truly connect with? I have been trying so hard to find that one person who really gets me. Someone I can share my life and love with. Someone I can take care of and support. I put in all of the effort, but it is as if they can never truly see that. They can never see the connection we have.

Gerry was one of the latest in a long line of disappointments. He was a handsome, successful businessman who seemed perfect on paper. I took in his mail, walked his dogs and even did a little cleaning. Possibly some snooping, but what was he to expect when he sent me zero signals? His eye contact was terrible and he barely spoke to me. He was always strictly business.  

When he came home from his trip I left him a lovely note and a very alluring picture but got nothing in return. He sent me a check in the mail with a thank you note. A ‘thank you’ note! I tried to reach out to him several times to determine where I might have gone wrong but he would not respond. Men are so uncommunicative! He blocked my number after a while. When I tried to stop by he actually threatened to call the police!

There were so many more bad relationships in my past. I just do not understand what I am doing wrong. I have offered so much of myself. Perhaps too much. I do not understand the balance and 

I am tired of being alone. It is hard to meet a partner when you are older and have limited friends. I’ve tried tinder, and let me tell you, there are a lot of crazies out there. So many desperate people. I prefer to meet men in a chance encounter.

I was starting to lose hope that I would ever find true love. But then I met Pete and I knew he would be the one. I felt it in my heart. I found him outside of the local Home Depot. He said he was a handyman and needed work. He was exactly who I was looking for! He was the one I need: He could make me whole.

When he came through the door the next day I knew I had made the right choice. He was so hungry looking and quite unkempt. I could fix that. I could offer food, laundry and a shower. I even offered him a bed.  

It was a platonic situation at first, but I knew I could change his mind. If I just tried hard enough I could make him stay. I could finally have the loving relationship I craved. We could take care of each other.

On his third day of work I was truly sweating it. We had remained platonic and I have read that you should be intimate by the third date. He was cleverly hiding all signs of attraction and I thought I better make the first move.

I made coffee and fresh rolls. I gave meaningful eye contact. I complimented his work. I touched his skin for a moment longer than a friend. I did all the things my romance novels say to do.

When he suddenly cleared his throat at the breakfast table on the fourth day I knew he was preparing for his goodbye. He started to explain why he had to go; he had other jobs to do, he needed to check on his mother, he had to check in with his probation officer...  

At first he did not notice that his words were starting to slur. I did. I heard it and I smiled. I looked into his eyes meaningfully. I removed his coffee from his hands. I brushed his hair out of his face.  

Moving my hand along his hairline I caressed the head I had allowed to rest on my pillows. He would stay, I knew he would stay. I finally found a man to love and cherish. I could make this work.

At first it was hard. I couldn't let him out of my sight and he constantly complained about the restraints. There were some days I just had to gag him and leave the house to get some space. He was needier than I anticipated.

After a few weeks he started to settle down. He had to remain in restraints but he was no longer constantly complaining. I would snuggle up next to him on the couch and we would ‘Netflix and chill’ which is something couples do when they are dating according to my research.

By the third week we were having full on conversations. He was much more pliable and sometimes I allowed him a wheelchair for movement and one free arm. Honestly, I was getting tired of feeding him and taking him to the bathroom. He was still so needy.

He made it very clear on week four that we would never be intimate together. His resolve to keep it platonic was frustrating. I was not too disappointed, though, as he was getting kind of ripe. It was hard to bathe him with restraints and it was more effort than I was willing to put in.

Honestly, by week five I was totally bored. I wondered if it was possible we did not have the connection I originally felt. I just had no interest in him anymore. I was the only one working to hold this relationship together and it was too much work. He had become quite tiresome.

On the fifth day of the sixth week of our relationship I let him go. I crushed up a massive dose of sleeping pills and put them in his morning shake. After so much effort to love him, he unquestionably was not the match for me.  

I'm still not sure if I'll ever find true love, but I'm not giving up hope. I know that there is someone out there for me. Someone who will love me for who I am. Someone who will see the connection we have. I just have to go back to square one and cast another net.