Stay Off Memory Lane

As i sit here pondering on what to write and watching all the kids skate around in circles reminds me the times i went skating. I wasn’t a very good skater. I always just tried to fit in with the rest of the kids from school. It looks a lot different when you're older. I look around and see all kinds of people younger kids, teens, and even older people skating. I wish i were like some of these kids. They look free and happy. They look like they haven’t got a worry in the world. Especially, the birthday girl that's wearing a rainbow tutu with a matching hair bow. She had a banner across her chest saying Happy Birthday that's how I know. Anyway I liked going skating as a kid, but I was not the most popular thing. I don't know why but, I can remember this certain shirt i used to wear every time it was clean. It was red with an american flag in the middle of it. I'm not crying about it now, but I got picked on a lot in school. I always wondered what it would be like to be popular. I still had friends but, you know how schools are. You have your cheerleaders, jocks, and whatever other clicks there were. I think the little clicks and even the people change from elementary school to high school. I didn’t get decent looking until I hit high school, and I still care too much about what I look like. I guess it’s because of my low esteem and my awkward conversations with people. Going down memory lane can be good and bad i guess. There are so many memories that it’s hard to think about a specific one. I mostly remember who I hung out with in school. I have memories that make me laugh and some that makes me sad. It is important who you spend your company with. Some people will build you up and some people will bring you down. Most of the time i just try to not let people get to me. Most things you have to just shrug off sometimes. It’s easier now than it was back then. I feel like i’m not even here sometimes. I just sit in the corner mostly and observe people and make up stories in my head. Seeing people skating makes me think about how we roll though life trying not to worry about things. Life is a lot like skating. You can just roll on by and miss everything around you by not worrying about it , or you can roll while trying to learn all about life while trying not to knock anyone down. Anyway sometimes in life it is hard to know where you fit in. Do you ever just feel different from everyone else? I have but, then i think what if we were born to stand out. I always tried to fit in back in school but, now i realize life is about way more than just fitting in. Some people are out here just trying to survive and get by. Then you have people like me just winging it mostly. It's okay to go down memory lane but, don't live there. Who you were in school doesn't determine who you are now, or maybe it does. I'll admit I come with a past, and I live in the same town as most of the people I went to school with. I went to a couple high schools,  so either way there is people I  know in two counties. Sometimes, I wonder it it would have been nice to move to a whole new state and just completely over. The reason being that I am not proud of some of my high school days. I know people change, but people you surrounded yourself with will some reason only remember the bad things about you. I'll be honest for me it was skipping class and sneaking cigarettes. I even sat in the bathroom for one of my high school classes. It was drama and I had stage fright so, I did everything I could to get out of it. Looking back now I wish I had went and tried. Anyway everyone had a high school sweet heart I suppose. I really know how to pick them because I met mine in ISS. He was super cute,  super funny, but super weird at the same time. I overheard him break a pencil in the square hole in the wall when he was supposed to be writing with it. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why the hell someone would break a pencil on purpose. I want go all into this, but come to find out that his only cigarette broke and needed an excuse to get some tape. I can't remember if we had smoked that one together or not, but that is how we met. We would go out into the parking lot after school and share one hiding in between two cars. Anyway we were together for a really long time. I fell so hard for him I think I cracked every bone in my body. So anyway, life goes on. I still see him around from time to time and wonder what if, but that's all it will ever be. When marriage and kids come you have to let the past die. It's okay to remember and wonder but, what if questions don't do nobody no good. I'm glad he came into my life though because, in ways he helped me so I have no regrets. I don't really have any memory lane stories specifically to tell because there is so many. I'm going to end this with whether you were good, bad, nerdy, or smart in high school nobody really cares now. Time, pain, and broken hearts change you for a little while, but it passes. Time waits for no one. Life is short so have fun and, your welcome.