Fiction Funny

It was one of those mornings when the Sun shone brightly and just when you thought you could go out with your beer can and bask in its warmth, ominous dark clouds hover, laugh at you and turn the rest of the day gloomy. I was in my elements that morning, happy hormones having a field day, birds chirping all around, gentle breeze blowing and what not. It was the beginning of the weekend, after a great party the previous night, and then an exciting night with my girlfriend. I had just settled down after my breakfast to binge watch on Netflix. If somebody had asked me at that time to go fight Ghengis Khan, oh, by the way, if you did not know who Ghengis Khan was, don’t worry, I didn’t either, till recently, but all you need to know about him is that he is a big deal, pretty big deal in fact, and no big deal had ever been that big a deal in human history. So, you get the point. If somebody had asked me to fight him, I would have gone there, wherever in Monglia he was, fought him off, saved humankind, came back and resumed my Netflix binge watch. That’s it. As simple as that. 

I turned on the T.V when my girlfriend called me. 


“Yes, Darling.” I might have dragged the ‘a’ in the word ‘Darling’ for may be a couple of seconds longer. So, it might have sounded more like “Yes, Daaaarling!”  

“Are you mocking me?” She was definitely not amused. 

If Ghengis Khan couldn’t deter me that day, what was a little girlfriend. 

“Of course not, dear! How preposterous!” 

“Whatever. You know, we have to go to my parent’s house next weekend. So, please don’t have any other engagements.” 

Well, there are some things that are not typically like fighting off Ghengis Khan. With Ghengis Khan, you still have a finite probability of at least scratching his armor with your finger nail, but when it comes to dealing with your girlfriend’s parents, you know what I am trying to get at. 

I have been only telling you about my physical prowess though, fighting off Ghengis Khan and all that stuff, but when a situation like this presents itself, I can make my grey matter more than count. I could use the word ‘literally’ in the last sentence, I think. But who cares! It was time for some quick thought and swift execution and not for bogging over semantics. When it came to quick thought, I could even think on my toes and in a situation like this, thinking on toe nails was not a foregone choice. 

“Oh no! Next week I have a presentation for a client. Important for the company. I cannot leave the base. Definitely not. The client is coming over all the way from Japan. They are very sensitive people. I have to be here in Seattle, for sure, next week and weekend.” 

I pretty much sealed the deal. The container is air-tight now. You can’t pick a hole in that logic that I just presented. Sometimes, I marvel at the clarity of my own thoughts, especially in the face of adversity. I am sure, in my previous birth, if there are such things as previous births, I might have been the most trusted general or something of Alexander, the Great. The secret and unsung hero behind Alexander’s great military conquests. 

“I knew you would say that. We are not going to their place. They are coming here. So, stick to your base.” 

Only when the Netflix’s startup jingle sounded at the maximum volume of the T.V did I realize that out of shock from her reply, I had pressed the volume button on the remote so hard that it had reached the maximum. I quickly turned off the TV. 

Even Ulyssess's strategy of ‘Trojan Horse’ paled before my girlfriend’s strategy. I am sure she was one of those Darius’s generals, who has taken a re-birth to avenge the great Darius’s defeat at the Battle of Issus. My container was tight, but she used the entire container and threw it on my face. Now, that was below the belt. It took half a dozen pints of beer that day to restore my faith in humanity. 

If you read me right, you would know that I can be anything but a quitter. A mere battle was lost, but the war was not. It was only a matter of time before I gathered my forces and forced a second push. This time, it had to be decisive, so, if it needed desperate measures, then so be it. I was prepared, and this time I was slyer. I had a plan ready by Wednesday night, but I did not execute it at once. The plan needed some dramatic scenes enacted at the right moment to elicit that right response from the adversary. Her parents were coming on Saturday morning. So, I waited till Friday night, and just when we were about to sleep, my phone rang. You get the idea, right? 

“Oh, is it? I should go to San Francisco? Should I go right away? But I can’t wait till Monday? OK, I’ll leave then.” I had to make a sorry face. But I told you I was sly. I could make whatever face I wished and whenever I wished. It took some convincing, but I emerged victorious, which confirmed my belief that I might have been that unsung brains behind the Great Alexander. 

The next two days were a breeze. I only had to hang out in a few remote places where there was least chance of being found. The Airbnb that I booked was not all that cozy, but better than grubbing with them good 'Ol parents of my girlfriend.

I returned on Monday morning. I wouldn’t have found out anything but for my keen sense of smell. The house did not seem like it had been warmed by the good 'Ol gentleman and the lady. It looked like a riot. That’s when it dawned. I had overheard my girlfriend a month or so earlier talking about some bachelorette party for her friend. The damn Darius’s General! 

November 05, 2022 03:53

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Keri Dyck
17:30 Nov 15, 2022

Hey! I was assigned your story to critique. The storyline was funny. Your main character was ridiculous in the best of ways, but I love that his girlfriend knew him so well. You need to be careful with verb tenses; I noticed several spots where you switched between past and present. The comment about Ghengis Kahn was funny, but the sentence was difficult to read. Maybe put the blurb into parentheses?


20:40 Nov 16, 2022

Hi Keri Thank you very much. Your critique was quite apt. I am working on the tense aspect. Really appreciate the feedback ! Regards


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Unknown User
03:38 Nov 06, 2022

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01:05 Nov 07, 2022

Ha haa .. glad that you enjoyed.


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