Safest place on earth

Once again

Back and forward

creak and creak

In and out 

creak and creak

Once again

I have time now. I never had the time before. Maybe I just never took the time I needed to notice these things. Swept in the mix of life, I never saw the changes or rather I call it as it is the deterioration. As I sit in this rocking chair, I now have time to notice all the faults of my family home. This home has been my home my entire life. It has been my safe haven since the day I was born. My mother went into labor with me as she sat in the living room just beyond the door to my left. She, my father , and grandfather have sat in this same old rocking chair and watched me as I frolicked and played in the high grass of our front yard. Swatting away bugs and with a face painted in sweat and grime, I held my head high and smiled as bright as the evening sun. My blond hair and blues eyes gleamed with my happiness as our neighbor sat on her own porch and watched. Whenever Mrs. Pepperfield leave her porch she would reach deep into her old brown leather pocket book and hand be a mint from the bottom. “Well look who it is. Isn’t you the sweetest southern belle” she would say before walking up the street.

Eventually, Mrs. Pepperfield passed away sitting on that same porch. She was missed, but even her passing couldn’t make this home feel less safe. Its white painted wood on the porch dulled. Broken pieces of rotten wood replaced. Popa wasn’t very good with a hammer, so some of the new wood didn’t quite fit and made uneven gaps or loose nails in the floor boards. Me and my best friend Daniel called the large gaps the devil peephole since we swore we saw someone looking up through the floor. We called Popa to check and no one was there. This was still my home. I still have the five inch scar on my leg from falling against a jutting rusted nail when I was twelve. Moma was so mad at Popa that day. It was Sunday and like every Sunday we were on our way to church. Leaving out the door, my foot got caught in the devils peephole. I fell down the porch and the nail tore through my new white stalkings turning the spot red. Oh how bad I wanted to cry, but Popa said big girls don’t cry. Moma rushed me to the doctor and later gave me the prettiest little gold cross necklace for being so brave. I still wear that necklace till this day.

Time went on and I still never took the time I needed to notice these things. The wood creaked as we stepped on them. Nonetheless we kept moving. Life kept moving the white paint chipped. Two of the wooden sticks on the back of the rocking chair forever missing since they made very good fighting swords for me and Daniel one evening. Grandpa passed and we missed him dearly, but life kept moving. Moma got sick one year. A terrible illness it was. We found out she had breast cancer, but she beat it. To celebrate, we painted the old rocking chair the prettiest of shade of pink to match our ribbons. Then life went on. The rocking chair was now more brown than pink. The city people put up four new stop signs on the corner. They said people drove too fast down the street. I stood there that day and questioned the worker as he laid fresh cement. “We don’t want nobody to run this corner and hit such a sweet little girl such as yourself” he said. Then he let me and Daniel write out names in the wet concrete and told us that when it dries everyone will know we were here that day forever. Time kept moving and I never noticed the creaks.

Daniel stole a kiss from me while we were hiding underneath the porch. He said I had to be his girlfriend because he kissed me and only boyfriend and girlfriend can kiss. In my young mind we kissed so I guessed it was true. We became high school sweethearts while the porch creaked. New houses were build on the other side of the crossroads and we welcomed new neighbors. Moma and Popa left the house to me as they moved away in their old age. Daniel moved in with me and then we got married. Together we made a little girl with my face and Daniels’ attitude. We named her Gabby because even on the day she was born she made so much noise we knew she was going to be a talker. God gifted me someone so precious and I adored her with all my heart. As a baby she would hold onto my cross and laugh the sweetest little sound. We took her to church every Sunday like I did growing up. Time moved on and she grew as the porch creaked. She made her own little friends and they played in the tall grass as I did when I was her age. I stood on the porch and warned her not to go near the crossroads as my mother did me. 

I never thought playing in the yard was dangerous. I never took the time to think about what would happen if someone was to run the stop signs. They have been there for years and became a mundane part of our lives. I never thought the red paint the city used to paint them was the color of fresh blood, which could be spilled if someone ran them. My mother warned me of the crossroads but never the yard. I never heard the warnings nor the creaks. Since two weeks ago I’ve heard them both. Gabby was playing in the grass as always. I stood on the porch looking down at the devils peephole. I made plans to finally fix it before Gabby gets a scar to match mine. Then I looked up just as a car came speeding out of control. Gabby was playing with a bright smile that matched mine when the car spun in circles and hit her. I rushed off the porch to get my baby. When the car stopped it was by the corner and my precious Gabby laid on top of me and her fathers’ name. I held her as she took her last breath at the stop sign. People will forever know that me and Daniel was here but not that this was where we lost our child.

Once again

Back and forward

creak and creak

In and out

creak and creak

Once again

Now I hear the creaks. Gabbys’ funeral was earlier today. This is the most noise this house have had in years, yet I can hear the porch creak. As the rocking chair swings back and forward a creak follow every movement. My heart is shattered and every breath feels like my last. The creaks reminds me to breathe. In a sea of familiar faces, I do not recognize them. The looks of pity never registered because my heart is shattered. No longer time moves on. I am stuck on this porch looking at the stop sign. They put a new one up and I can’t stop the tears. It’s as if life is moving and i’m just not moving with it. Daniel is holding on by a thread. My thread broke the day I held my baby lifeless body in my arms. Now I sat rubbing the cross around my neck. I wonder why was she gone and how come I didn’t think about the danger I put Gabby in. I worried about everything else, but I never worried about my safest place on earth. I would give anything to have my baby back. As the porch creaks I look down at the devils peephole. Then I saw a foot, covered in the finest leather shoes, step on the porch. Golden was their color. They shined as if they was real gold, but they were fabric so it couldn’t be so. 

I looked up and he stepped on the porch. It didn’t creak. Wearing a suite that fits his body to perfection was a man too perfect to be real. He stood so tall and strong that I smelled his confidence even though confidence doesn’t have a smell. I couldn’t see exactly where his green eyes was looking but I felt as if he was staring at my cross. I felt uneasy holding it in front of him. I have never been ashamed of my faith and never questioned it until recently. Two weeks ago to be exact. So I let the cross drop as it sat on my chest. The guy smile and introduced his self as Samuel. His smile was amazing. Straight white teeth and dimples deep enough to get lost in. The new face was welcomed but a shattered heart made it impossible to smile.

• “Can I ask you a question”, he said
• go ahead
• “If life was a crossroad, which way to go?”
• Confused, I replied, “I don’t understand.”
• He points at the street. “A crossroads has four sides, right. Then you can only come up one, but that leaves three roads to take. Which one do you take?”
• “I don’t know. Which one would you take?” I relied still confused about the stranger and his question. 
• The one that makes me feel happier because I can only control what little pieces I have while living. Death and whatever may follow is out of my control”, he stated nonchalantly. 
• “Okay sure.” The topic of death made me glance back at the stop sign. 
• “I have another question. If a man run into a bank and robs it, is he wrong? I mean he didn’t hurt anybody and money is replaceable paper. So is he wrong? By wearing that necklace, i’m going to assume you are a Christian.” Nodding his head, he pointed at the cross around my neck. “So should he burn in hell for stealing? What if I told you he needed money because his son was dying and his insurance didn’t cover the medication he needed. The money is insured and he could save his childs life. Should he burn in hell for stealing then?”
• “No, absolutely not!”
• “So, as you can see, he did not have much control. He couldn’t control his sons’ sickness. He couldn’t control where his soul goes after death. He could control what he was willing to do to give his son another chance. Now I want to ask you, what do you want to control?”
• “I can’t control anything.”
• “You can.”, he smiled and once again nodded his head. “What would you do to get some control? Would you stop that drunk driver from hitting you precious Gabby? Would you have her again playing out here trying to catch butterflies. Would you want her to experience finding the boy of her dreams and sneaking kisses underneath this very same porch?”
• “Yes I would”
• “What will you give for the choice?”
• “Anything”, was the only reply I could think of.
• “How about everything from this life through the next”
• I gave him my answer in less that a second. “For the chance to get my Gabby back I will give everything. My soul was with that little girl and without her here every second is torture.”
• “No darling I’m afraid you still have your soul; even if you don’t have your daughter. Will you give it up for her?”
• “I already said everything.” There wasn’t a doubt it my mine about what I would be giving up.
• “That is all I ask. You have just made your decision at the crossroads. Now, to seal the deal just remove your cross and drop it down that peephole”,he said with a wide dimpled smile.

And so I did.