Journal (First5)

Monday: 9-5-2005

Today is my nephew's first birthday, so Sissy and I walked to my brother's house around 1:00 pm. The place was beautiful, as always, my brother is good with the wood. I don't think that my brother and sister-in-law approve of the way I've met the challenges in my life. I admit, there have been many and the big ones seem to get the best of me. It makes me uncomfortable when I'm there. I haven't had much luck overcoming my financial stressors.  

I was listening in on the family discussing making plans to move. My sister and her husband, and my brother and his wife discuss moving into two and three hundred thousand dollar homes as if they do it every day. It's not that I'm not happy for them, I am, It is just that, though I am happy to have kept my daughter with me, I lost everything that I've been working for for the last fifteen years in a nasty divorce.  

Sissy and I came home early.

Saturday: 11-11-2006

I am working at the new Walmart now, in the inventory department. I worked on several remodels over the summer, and met lots of friendly people. This manager is pretty laid back and works well with most of the people here, which makes everyone's job easier.  

Sissy and I have been spending a lot of time with our next-door neighbor and her son. We both have children of the same age. It is much easier when we do things together. 

 Sissy is excited about Christmas for the first time in a while. She is doing well in school, although I step in with advice for the teachers about once a week, to make sure they understand and work with her disability. This "No Child Get's Left Behind" rule, seems to make teachers think it's ok to push a child through, whether they know their stuff or not. I won't let that happen to Sis.

I was thinking about making ornaments for Christmas so I could get Sissy involved, and I came up with a great idea for a children's book. I sometimes dream of becoming a writer. LOL.

So Sis helped me come up with some characters for the book, she's into fairies right now so there will be; twixies, twitterbugs, tweazles, twerps, and twogs. All these little critters live in the land of Twee and only come out at twilight. At a later time, when I am alone, maybe I will put the story on paper. I have quite a few ideas.

Wednesday: 2-7-2007

Sissy will be 11 years old next week. I am so proud of her, she has come quite a distance, developmentally since the adoption. It's been seven short years and I never thought that I would ever be this invested in my child's life, but I am, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Sis is pretty excited about her pool party birthday at the Best Western. She keeps asking lots of questions and won't concentrate on her subjects or her chores. I am being extremely patient with her. The more you push her the worse her disability gets. Sis has hit a sort of mental plateau at school. I can see the frustration between her and the teachers. I went to Barnes and Noble and picked out some learning activities and books. We are going to start setting aside two hours when I get home from work to study. I hope it goes well.

In two months my sister will be paid off for helping me with a place to live during the divorce. The next thing I'll work towards is a car that runs a little better. It will be a used one, but newer than the one I have now.

I applied for another home study, I want to adopt another little girl. Sissy has been pushing me to get a little sister for quite a while. I am having a hard time with this counselor, she doesn't seem to like me and I think it will show in the paperwork. She will be here soon though, so I need to get things in order.

Wednesday: 11-5-2008

My sister is in the hospital having her third baby. She told me that it would be a girl. My friend and I think that, by her size, it will be a boy. I guess we'll see who is right in a short time.

Sissy just graduated from minnow to fish in YMCA swim lessons. In September she will be on the swim team. I'm so proud of her achievements. She is in 4H and was voted head of the entertainment committee. She has a big sister from, "Big Brothers, Big Sisters" that she adores, and next year she starts middle school.

In the last year, we started rescuing cats and have exploded to 12 at our home. Some are SN and won't be able to be adopted, but, others won't take long to find forever homes. These are all older felines and some are from the big flood. During that time we worked with a farmer and took in 66 cats. Most of those now have forever homes.  

Sis will get her braces off and go into a retainer very soon. I hope her teeth stay nice, I put a lot of money into that cute little mouth.

I could not believe that gas went to $1.99 today. It is great though because I do quite a bit of running around now. I've been coaching volleyball at the YMCA and I enjoy it immensely.

Sunday: 4-12-2009

My dad died on April 5, a week ago. It just doesn't seem real to me. He fell on the third, got a brain bleed, and passed away. My dad and I had a challenging relationship. I imagined that I didn't live up to his expectations, though maybe it was all me. I miss him every day. I keep second-guessing myself about what I should have done differently.

I am going to move home to be closer to mom. I know it isn't what she wants but I know it will be good for Sissy and will help rebuild my sense of security. I will miss my friends here and this job, but we will visit.  

Monday: 5-24-2010

Wow, my stress level is crazy! I need to vent. Ex-husbands, moving to new homes, registering your child in a new school, and getting a new job. I did this all in the space of 60 days. Migraines, exhaustion, body aches and muscle cramps. I need to smile like I never have before and keep myself positive. I need to focus on family and Sis and I will.

Sis is in a new school and I spoke with the Superintendant and her teachers today. I also made sure that DHS was there to help get her accepted into sports and cheerleading. She likes to be active and it helps her to focus. I don't like that they think that she shouldn't be allowed to participate because she is SN. It is unfair and does not speak well for the school system. Sis should be able to excel in whatever areas she can. My thought is that the school system should be upfront and on board with that from the beginning. All children excel in different areas. This school needs to bring her excellence out.

I work from six in the morning to five at night. These hours make it difficult for me to get Sis where she needs to be, so I depend more than ever on the family. I am blessed to have them to help now.