A Banker’s Friday

  Anoize looked out from his office to the long lines of Friday’s bank customers. Why couldn’t they use the Instant Tellers? Why couldn’t they stay home and do their banking on their computers?

   Nadia stepped into his office.

   “I feel like I’m dying in this place.” Anoize announced to Nadia.

   “Eric Leon is here again for the bank draft to close the home sale for the McDougalls.”

   “They’re down. They’re still down. I’ll talk to him.” Anoize motioned to Nadia to send the person in.

   A heavyset man in a three- piece suit bullied up to his desk. “I have to close this deal. It closes today. I’m not moving it to another day.”

   “The system is down that prints the bank drafts.”

   “You don’t have a working printer? In the whole bank?”

   “No, the system is down. Not the printer. Bank drafts of this amount have to be authorized by our head office and then instructions to print are fed back through the printer, and that system is down.”

   “Do an e-transfer.”

   “The dollar amount is too high for that.”

   “I have a Lawyer’s Trust Account at this branch. Transfer it to that and I’ll issue my own cheque.”

   “We don’t have authorization from your client.”

   “Yes, you do. I’m authorized to make transactions on their behalf.”

   “Sorry, we can’t do that because the transaction is already in motion in our system. We’re waiting on our head office.”

   “Cancel it, and do it by hand.”

   “We can’t cancel it, it’s in progress and the system is down. We don’t do it by hand anymore.”

   “I see people on the ATMs getting money. I see people at the teller’s get their money. Your systems seem to be working fine. Where’s my clients’ money?”

   “It’s not an all-in-one system. It’s systems within systems. It’s complicated.”

   “Explain it to me. Explain it to me like I don’t have a law degree. Explain it to me like I don’t know what complicated is.”

   “I can only do what my head office authorizes me to do. Now, hopefully that’s going to be soon. Hopefully that will be this afternoon. But I can’t do what I can’t do until the system is back online.”

   “Look, I bank at this bank. I don’t bank at the Bank of Hope. Is this how you do business? I have never been treated this badly by any bank. Ever. Who do you work for?”

   “The bank.”

   “That’s not what your signs say. ‘Working for You’. Well, I’m you. So, start working for me. You’re holding my client’s money. If I don’t get that bank draft they’ll be in default. They’ll get sued. And then we’ll sue the bank, your head office, and you personally.”

   “Please, I don’t think the courts will let you sue me personally.”

   “Are you a lawyer? Did you go to law school? Are you telling me how to practise law?! Is that what you’re doing?”

   “No, I am not.” Anoize opened his desk drawer and took out some stomach tablets and washed them down with some bottled water.”

   “What are you doing? Are you sick? Did you come in sick today? Do I have to worry about catching something? Can I speak to a different manager? Someone who came in healthy today? Someone who puts their clients first?”

   “If you want to speak to a different manager you’d have to go to a different branch. Most of our branches only have one manager.”

   “Fine, I’ll go to another branch, and I’ll never come here again. And I’ll be talking to your boss and your boss’ boss about why that is. And I’ll tell them you’re the reason. And I will get this done. Today!”

   “Wait. If you go to another branch, they won’t be able to do anything for you, either. The transaction is in the system. The funds will not be available until the transaction is completed. Hopefully, today, like I have been saying.”   

   “If this isn’t dealt with today, if this house sale doesn’t close today, if I have to come back here Monday, I’m going to be upset, and you’re going to know it.”

   The man left and Anoize closed the door. He logged his security access code back into his office computer that had automatically timed out during the conversation. He searched through the bank’s online manual for bank draft transaction that exceeded certain progressive dollar amount thresholds. Anoize wanted to be sure it was not an error on his part that had created this situation. The manager’s job was a job of ten thousand details where every client wanted an answer for every problem on the last business day of the week.

   Anoize found a link to video tutorial on paper documents with a sub section on bank draft basics. “Welcome.” A video presenter began. It was not a real person. Not a bank employee. It was some model spewing out a preamble of how the new procedures would simplify the client’s experience and make the bank employee’s work more accessible, and easier to complete.

   Anoize hit the right arrow key and the presentation skipped ahead. Now the tutorial explained how this learning product was developed by the team at head office. There was much crediting and back patting. Anoize hit the arrow key again.

   Now the tutorial talked about the basics and uses of issuing bank drafts. Anoize loosened his tie and undid his top shirt button. He tapped the arrow a few more times. Now the tutorial talked about the various authorization levels required relative to the dollars amount requested. Anoize kept tapping. Now the tutorial described the security features built into a bank drafts; paper quality, inks, and water marks. Anoize started slapping the right arrow key. The model’s face appeared smiling and talking, but now moving in a herky-jerky fashion on the screen.

   Anoize started rapidly slapping all the arrow keys. Then his fists came down on the keyboard. The computer mouse bounced up and off his desk. Anoize shoved his monitor and it went over, hanging from the desk by it’s electrical and HDMI cable.

   Anoize stepped out of his office and went to line of bank customers waiting to see a teller. Helping to form the line were red ropes held up by line posts. Anoize unhooked the rope from the nearest post and took the post back to his office. Inside he lifted the post and brought its big round heavy bottom plate down against the hanging computer monitor.

   The monitor cracked. Anoize then repeated the swing several times. When the monitor was bent out of shape and fragmented to his satisfaction, Anoize used the post to go to work on the keyboard. Keys snapped off and flew in the air. The keyboard bounced and cracked on each hit. Anoize hit it six times before it finally bounced off the desk.

   Tellers looked towards his office door. A security guard came to the door but did not enter.

   Anoize took his backup laptop from a nearby shelf and placed it on his desk. He opened the laptop and logged on his security code.

   “Sir?” The security guard said.

   Anoize paid no attention to him. When the laptop was fully booted up with all the bank programs running, Anoize swung the line post down on it.

   The security guard stepped away from the door. The tellers began closing their windows. A slow pulse alarm was sounded and the customers in the bank were sent away.

   The laptop was now a shattered upside down “v” on the floor. Anoize went to his four-drawer standing filing cabinet. He hit it a few times, causing a few dents, but no feeling of satisfaction. He then unlocked the cabinet and opened the top drawer. He hit the open drawer repeatedly until the cabinet tipped over and files spilled out. He pushed the cabinet on it side and roughly pulled open the lower drawers. Their files slid out and Anoize beat on them for a while. Papers sliding around the carpeted floor.

   Anoize looked about and picked his desk next. He opened the middle drawer to his desk and pounded on it. Extra pens and paperclips bounced into the air with each hit. Scissors, letter opener, and date stamp jumped out of the drawer. Finally, the drawer snapped out of its runners and the rest of the contents sprayed out over the floor.

   Anoize sat on his desk, surveying his work, and drank a little more from his bottled water. Then he splashed the last bit of water around office walls. He looked at his plaques and certificates on the back wall. He pulled the plaques off and let them drop to the floor. He carefully took his certificates out of their frames. He did not wish to break the glass in the frames, that might be dangerous. As he took out each certificate of accomplishment with the bank, he tore them into little pieces.

    He picked up the water bottle again and was disappointed it was empty now. He took up his stomach tablets again and this time emptied them on the floor.

   “Sir?”

   Anoize looked up to see two police officers in his doorway. The closest one had a Taser, the one further back had a hand on her holster.

   “Sir? Are you alright?”

   Anoize smiled. “I feel alive.”

   “That’s good, sir. Would you like to come with us, sir?”

   “Oh, of course.” Anoize said and raised his hands. He stepped forward slowly as the officers backed up to let him leave his office for the last time.