Hi-Skool 4

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5000 tokens available.

Relive your teenage years the right away with Hi-Skool 4, the edge-of-your-seat VR experience for impotent adults who live in the past!

Choose the physical appearance of your avatar.

Hair: Hay-blond

Eyes: Celery-green

Skin: Cinderella-white

Gender expression: Female

Body Shape: Small. The smallest. No space for a uterus or other internal organs. Flat belly like a matza. Curvy butt like two balloons; bra size 32-B.

Height: 5'4

Tattoos and piercings: Classy line drawing on left shoulder; a butterfly or an outline of a woman, depending on the angle you look from. Two piercings in each ear. Inoffensive huggie hoops.

Accessories: Chunky rings. Ankle bracelet with charms of little strawberries,

cartoon characters, and culturally-appropriated symptoms you don’t understand.

Clothing: Eco-conscious, fashionable, occasionally cottage-core. To be honest, even your grandmother’s old floral dresses from the attic will look perfect on his avatar. Fashion was built for mannequins who will never fart, bear children, bloat, bleed, or eat Cheetos on the couch until 2 AM while browsing deep in their ex’s instagram. Everything in the shop is wrinkle-free because the avatar will not wrinkle anything. 4,900 tokens remaining.

Choose the personality of your avatar.

Sexual Orientation: Gay

Warning: Token limit for personality category exceeded. Consider changing the sexual orientation of your avatar.

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Hobbies: Creative writing, playing the guitar and the piano, acting.

Personality Traits: Ambitious, funny, decisive.

Warning: Token limit for personality category exceeded. Consider changing the personality traits of your avatar.

Personality Traits: Gregarious, playful, agreeable.

Life goal: Write, direct, and produce an award-winning film.

Warning: Token limit for personality category exceeded. Consider changing the life goal of your avatar.

Life goal: Get married to a successful film producer and raise three children while running a side-hustle selling bathing suits online. 4,500 tokens remaining.

Design a family for your avatar.

Parents: Hal (accountant) and Leah (schoolteacher), happily married high school sweethearts.

Siblings: Older sister, Reese. Away at college. In a sorority. You’re cool in Hi-Skool because of Reese. She picks out your clothes; tells you who to befriend. Reese was prom queen and captain of the cheerleading squad in Hi-Skool 3.

Pets: Chihuahua named Mugsy. Five years old. 4,400 tokens remaining.

Design a bedroom for your avatar:

Color palette: Modern teen; raspberry, cream, bubblegum, goji berry, escort’s

lipstick.

Decor: Indie posters, tapestries, practical desk, lavender fairy lights, futon, bead curtain, soft stuffed animals, crystals. 4,250 tokens remaining.

Game 1: Level 1: Hi-Skool Cafeteria

Jesus, that’s level one?

You enter the cafeteria for 12 PM lunch period. It is freshman year.

Outfit: Hair in two french braids, flowing purple skirt, rhinestone belt, tight-fitting purple top.

Lunch selection: Just kidding, of course you’re going off-campus for lunch with the cool kids. You head to the back door, looking both ways for any staff members. You see some kid approaching you. Rust-colored hair, crooked yellow teeth, wire glasses. Her walk is a shuffle. She has a copy of Pride and Prejudice in the breast pocket of her pin-striped blouse. A pride pin on her collar.

Do you:

A) Avoid

B) Walk over and start a conversation

Option A, duh! Dammit, the game is frozen. Avoid, avoid, avoid! Escape! Exit!

She’s now standing a foot away. Too close.

“Hi, my name is Angie Rappaport and my mother gave birth to me in the back of a taxi.”

Possible responses:

A) “Hi, I’m Alexis. Nice to meet you!”

B) “Okay, thanks for the info. Bye.”

 Option B.

“Okay, thanks for the info. Bye.”

You walk away. You tell your cool friends all about it. You imitate Angie’s nasal voice:

“My mother gave birth to me in the back of a taxi!” You all laugh.

“Alexis, you are so bad!” Christina squeezes your shoulder. A ripple of warmth waves through your belly.

Warning: 250 tokens lost. Adhere to your avatar’s sexual orientation selection.

You run into the mist outside with your friends, laughing. The greenery is extra bright, like a spinach smoothie. You sit in the passenger seat while Christina drives you all to McDonalds.

Do you:

A) Order a Big Mac with fries and eat until you are full

B) Deliberate over the menu for ten minutes and then order a coffee, feigning a stomach ache

Ooh, this is a tough one. Option A, I guess? 

You order a Big Mac with fries and dig in.

“Wow, you must be really hungry, new kid.” Christina giggles. She was a sophomore who idolizes your sister. How dare she. You shoot her with a glare that makes her shrivel into the booth like old lettuce.

Warning: 100 tokens lost. Adhere to your character’s personality traits of gregariousness, playfulness, and agreeableness.

You have passed Level 1. 3,900 tokens remaining.

Game 1: Level 2: Swim PE.

You guys have to be kidding, right?

You enter the Hi-Skool pool area for 4 PM Swim PE.

Outfit: Hair in a high bun, pink bikini with a pineapple print. The bikini is your sister’s. As you recall, your bra size is 32-B. Her’s is 34-C. 

How are my swimming skills?

You didn’t choose athletics as a talent. So not great.

Uh oh.

You split into categories based on self-selection. Beginner, middle, and advanced. You place yourself in the middle. Ambitious choice. 

Relay racing is the first activity. 

Do you: 

A) Jump in

B) Slide yourself into the pool

Option B.

You slide yourself into the pool, costing your team an extra ten seconds in the race. It’s better than risking that your bikini top might slide off as you hit the water.

“Oh, come on!” Some girl behind you groans. Your team loses. 

“Nice going,” says Natasha. She rolls her eyes, flinging a towel over her shoulder. Come on, girls.” Her entourage follows her to the other side of the pool. It is time for diving instruction. 

Angie Rappaport is suddenly next to you. Her legs are hairy above the knee, and she is still wearing her glasses in Swim PE. Her swimsuit is a beige geriatric one-piece.

“Maybe you should get a smaller bikini top,” she says. “I have an extra bathing suit in my locker. You can borrow it, if you want.” She looks nervous.

Do you:

A) Walk away

B) Invite her to skip class with you

Option B. 

You tell the teacher you need the bathroom and exit the pool area. You change into your regular clothes and throw the bikini in the garbage can. 

You and Angie meet up in the empty parking lot. She looks like Mugsy does when you offer him a treat. Pathetic. 

“Why do you keep that there?” You point at the dog-eared copy of Murder on the Orient Express that she keeps tucked into her jeans. 

“I like to read during class,” she says. “I have ADHD. Very short attention span. I was never a very attentive student, unless something really interests me.”

Do you:

A) Ask her to vape with you

B) Discuss books

Option A. 

You show her your e-cigs. “I have watermelon flavor and cotton candy.” 

You can tell she’s trying to play it cool. “Uh.. No, I’m okay. I don’t feel like vaping now.”

“Girl, you’re no fun.” You vape while she gawks at you.

“How do you become friends with the cool kids?” she blurts. 

Do you:

A) Give her some fashion tips

B) Invite her to Christina's upcoming party

Option A.

“Buy some new jeans, for starters. And shave your legs.” You inhale cotton candy.

“Oh.” She seems disappointed. You decide to throw her a bone.

“I like your t-shirt,” you say. “Black Swan is my favorite movie. I want to be a film producer one day.”

Warning: 300 tokens lost. Adhere to your character’s life goal. 

Angie launches into a long rant about movies. Movies she loves, movies she hates, movies she doesn’t get. She’s a Lord of the Rings geek. 

You have passed Level 2. 3,600 tokens remaining. 

Game 1: Level 3: Hi-Skool Detention.

You didn’t think you could blow off PE with no consequences, did you?

Angie chooses the desk across from you. You are the only ones in here besides Travis Mayer, who ended up with three-day detention for hitting on the English teacher.

Angie now thinks that she’s your best friend, apparently. She gives you a big, cheesy smile as the bored-looking proctor explains the rules for detention. 

Do you:

A) Explain to her that she is not your friend and never will be

B) Mostly ignore her while starting on your homework assignments

Option B. 

You start writing your English essay about “The Road Not Taken.” 

“I love that poem,” Angie squeals. God, does she ever shut up? 

“I’m not really into poetry,” you say in a flat voice. 

Instead of taking the hint, Angie views this as an opportunity to keep talking. She’s like a toddler who’s trying to “help” with baking. She can only make a mess.

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right poet,” she says. “You might like Maya Angelou, or Sylvia Plath. There’s this cool queer author named Andrea Gibson.” She pauses, breathless. “Do you like queer literature, generally?”

“I mostly read stuff I see on BookTok.” You put in your earbuds.

“Like what?”

“You know, just books. If I see a book that looks good, I read it.” 

“You can become a better conversationalist if you’re more attentive and specific. I read that in a social skills book that my mom got me last year. Maybe I can lend it to you. Then you can make some friends instead of being stuck with me.”

Loser says what?

Do you:

A) Thank her for her efforts

B) Make her understand that you are doing her a favor

Option B. 

“Dude, I was just trying to be nice,” you say. “You’re not my friend. Nobody even likes you.”

Warning: 50 tokens lost. Adhere to your character’s personality traits of gregariousness, playfulness, and agreeableness.

“No talking,” says the proctor.

Angie looks down, blinking back tears. Her image looks pixelated for a moment. Then she is gone. Game over for Angie.

You have passed Level 3. 3,550 tokens remaining. 

Game 1: Final Level: Hi-Skool Prom.

You enter the Hi-Skool Auditorium for prom, your hot senior date beside you. You are one of two freshmen who was invited to prom. The other is That Bitch Natasha.

Outfit: Your hair is in loose curls, with a braided crown around the back. You have on a long sleeveless sunshine-colored dress covered with large cornflowers. Two-inch heels.

The theme of the prom is “Under the Sea.” 

“Blue Ain’t Your Color” is playing on the speakers. Your date, Danny, slides his arm around your waist. He gives your butt a squeeze. His nickname is ‘Grabby Danny,’ but you weren’t going to say no to a prom invitation. 

“Your sister is so hot,” he whispers in your ear. Ew. 

You watch Natasha watching you. You lean your head against Daniel’s shoulder and giggle demurely as if he just said something incredibly clever and romantic. In response, Natasha grabs her date’s face and kisses him on the lips.

Do you: 

A) Kiss Danny

B) Walk over to the ghost of Angie Rappaport and start a conversation

Wait, what the hell???

Do you:

A) Kiss Danny

B) Walk over to the ghost of Angie Rappaport and start a conversation

Option B???!!!!

“Where you goin’?” shouts Danny. “I need my beautiful lady back!” You ignore him.

You approach Angie. She is wearing beige stockings and an ill-fitting white cotton dress that has a bow on the butt. She smiles coldly. 

“What are you doing here?” you say. Your heart pounds faster. Bam bam bam bam bam.

“Under the Sea” fades from view. It is just you and Angie in an endless black void. Her eyes gleam red and black, like coals in the dark. 

Do you: 

A) Apologize to Angie

B) Run away

Option B. 

Angie’s hands close in around your neck. Your sharp inhale sounds like broken glass falling through a garbage chute. You try to pry off Angie’s hands. You are too weak. It’s too bad you didn’t pick athletics as one of your talents.

It all fades to black.

GAME OVER. GAME OVER. GAME OVER. GAME OVER. GAME OVER. GAME OVER. 

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