Wrong Place, Wrong Time

 “So is this it? This is goodbye?” Her voice was so faint, he almost didn’t hear it. Looking at her like this pulled the strings in his heart. Her eyes were already sparkling with tears and she was clutching her own shoulders, seeking a comfort that he couldn’t provide. Worst of all she was wearing his sweater.

Ben scuffed his shoe on the step looking anywhere but her, his fiancé Rose. “This is it.” He couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye yet but the longer he would stand here the more painful for the both of them.

The crack in his voice did not go unnoticed by her. She saw the way he fidgeted nervously. Normally Ben was so composed, his movements certain. He was assertive, every moment of his life was planned and calculated. But maybe that’s why things were never going to work and why he was now standing on her door step a nervous wreck. He had said he wanted to see her one last time before he left. The idea tortured her but she had wanted to see him too.

“Will I… will I ever see you again?” Rose was clutching at straws; she wasn’t ready to let go. This was anticipated though, from the moment she met him she knew one day she would have to let go.

He couldn’t give her an answer. Deep down he knew it was a ‘no’ but he couldn’t say it. Instead he sighed and ran a hand over his face. The ring on his finger glinted under the gloomy afternoon sky, ready to burst rain upon them. Rose stared, if this was the last time she would ever see him she wanted to remember his face. He had beauty marks, a nose too big and lips too soft. In his eyes she saw grief and pain.

“Tell me why you love me.” She blurted out. If he really loved her he would stay, wouldn’t he?

“Rose please, there’s no point.” Now he was agitated. Sometimes things were difficult with her because she was so stubborn. That’s why he fell in love with her. she was too stubborn to give up on him, she stuck around like glue and never left. Now he was the one to leave.

Rose huffed and started sputtering, “The point is we are engaged, and you are leaving, and I love you and-”

“My Darling, don’t do this. You knew I would choose the job. I have always said work comes first. You knew this!” his chest was tight trying to hold in his own tears as he watched hers spill over. In that same moment it started to rain but neither of them moved.

“Am I wrong to think that maybe that would change when you told me you loved me? When you asked me to marry you?” she had stepped out of the doorway and was now inches in front of him, tears mixing with the rain. His soaking wet sweater hung heavy off her shoulders. “Am I wrong to think that maybe after all these years you would put me first and choose this relationship over a damn job?”

Her words were like salt in an open wound. They were never really destined for each other, were they? He thought back on all the times he made her cry, all the times he wasn’t there because he didn’t view her as a priority. At least he thought she was but now he realized he never treated her like one. A muscle in his jaw clenched as he finally was able to bring himself to look into her eyes. There was a deep sadness in them that he saw more often the past year.

“I love you because even on a bad day you find something to smile about. I love you because you never give up on things, including me. I love you because the way you snore and when you sing in the car like you forget I’m there.” Bens fingers twitched. Never so much in his life did he want to hold her and comfort her. He wanted to sink his hand into her hair and cradle her head against his chest, pressing kisses to her forehead. “You could come with me; the offer still stands.”

“No.” her voice was firm, and her face was set in determination. “I've followed you across the country once before, uprooted my life. I’m not following you across the world now. I have a job and friends. I’m done chasing after you.”

Only a year after they met, he had to move from the west coast to the east for work and Rose followed. She should have known back then it would happen again. And he expected her to follow him wherever he went, she was always there. He must know now how truly selfish he is to think she would throw everything away for him, again. They always did what he wanted and maybe he knew her favorite color or song, but he didn’t know what she wanted. No, he does know, but he just didn’t pay attention. Too caught up in his own endeavors.

“You could wait for me.” The idea was ridiculous, and Ben knew she wouldn’t go for it. It was worth putting it out there.

Rose shoulders began to shake, from the cold rain or crying he couldn’t tell. “Maybe it’s a good thing you are leaving me. I could use a little more stability then you ever offered me.” Her fingers shook as she started twisting her engagement ring off. Bens stomach lurched at the sight. Never did he imagine her taking it off. “I have chased and waited and hoped, Benjamin. I’m tired of it.” her hand was outstretched to him the simple band resting on her palm.

“I don’t want it.” he choked out, heart tearing in two. They were wrong for each other, more like Ben was wrong for her.

“Well I don’t either. You fucking broke me.” She grabbed his hand, passing the ring over to him, leaving no choice but to take it. The contact turned his blood into ice. He would miss her touch to most, her soothing hands running through his hair after a long day.

Just then the alarm on his phone went off signaling he had to leave for the airport. Quickly he fished it out of his pocket and turned it off, not wanting to acknowledge that he had to leave.

Rose took a few steps back crossing her arms over her chest again. “You don’t want to miss your flight.”

“Rose…” for some reason Ben found himself taking a step in her direction.

“Goodbye Benjamin.”

Those two words hurt more then anything else, this was all his fault. He just stared at her, a war raging in his head about what to do next. The urge to stay, to hold her and kiss her was strong. But the pull to leave was still there.

“I need you to say it back.” Rose stood there with the door half shut, staring him down. Waiting for the final piece of her heart to shatter.

Ben took in a deep breath and shifted his feet, staring right back trying to memorize the color of her iris’s. “Goodbye Rose.” The entire world shifted in that moment. There was physical pain attached to this moment. As if he realized he made the biggest mistake he opened his mouth to say something, anything but the door slammed in his face. Ben was left standing there with rain rolling off his jacket, washing away everything he ever had with the love of his life. It was really over, no going back. He sighed again and turned away from her house, walking back to his car, the ring burning in his hand. He never wanted to see the damned piece of jewelry again. Standing outside his car and taking one last look over his shoulder, all he felt was numb when he saw her standing in the window. Taking a shaky breath and finally climbing into his car, he muttered it one last time to himself, to set it in stone that this was it, “Goodbye.”