He Was There

"Are you there, God? It's me..." I can remember those words as I cried them, dropping to my knees on the cold bedroom floor. I remember telling him how frightened I was. Saddened by the news of my impending divorce; I knelt in prayer. I was not sad for myself as I had lived nearly ten years with a man that did not know how to show love. I was sad for six children who would rarely see "Daddy." As the enormity of the situation closed in on me, I cried even louder. I could not afford the house that we were soon to buy. I was a high school drop out with only my GED. We had always been very poor, but..but never like it was going to be. Six children under the age of ten and, no house, no job and earlier that week my car had been stolen. So, I prayed into the night, until my tears were no more. I felt emptiness within my soul and Satan at my heels, pulling me down into his relm, trying to tell me I was not worthy of God's love or comfort. "You'll never amount to anything. Just look at the mess you got yourself into!" "God Help Me" I pleaded, "Tell him to leave me be" I begged. Then suddenly God was there in my room and this incredible peace came upon me. The heaviness in my heart began to fall away and I felt His love. "Be Still" my mind said. The words soon replaced the fear. "Close your eyes, for tomorrow is another day". God was there and he stayed near. He had a plan for me; one I could not see. He sent Angels one by one and I can tell you that they were real, because they were human, wearing no wings, but being prompted through His love and inspiration, to clear a path for me to accomplish "His" dream for me. My realtor told me I could stay in the house I could no longer buy, until it sold. It did not sell until I made enough money to move back to Portland. And how did I make enough money? It was the lady he sent from my church that helped me to see that I did have ways to earn money; through sewing, babysitting and baking cinnamon rolls. My portion of the Earnest money was returned so that I might buy another "beater" car which did not croak until my graduation from college.

Being accepted for nursing school with only my GED was a miracle by itself. I had to do my part and study for the entry test. I remember the day my test score results and the letter that came in the mail. Your score in math was 100% and your score in Biology was 100%. Your score in English was one point below passing, I remember how happiness filled my heart because I no longer had to think about those three years of school as a single mom, on food stamps and subsidized housing. I turned the letter over to read, our test in English was very hard this year so we had to lower the passing score by one point. "Congratulations!" We will see you in the Fall. And my God would join me that fall. He was always there. He was there when I took my first nursing test. He calmed me down and told me how to start at the end of the test and mark my first impression and not distrust myself. I'm sure he was there laughing as I fainted on my first patient because I was so afraid of feeding the man after his stroke. And I know he laughed once more when I toppled to the floor during my first C-Section as a student nurse. He laughed once more when I left one of my six children at home, forgetting to wake him up on the day of an important test. My little "Buddy" was sound asleep as we frantically rushed back home to get him. God sent me special friends. Four ladies like myself. He also sent me the most wonderful first year student advisor, He sent me Mary. Any other nursing advisor would not have been so patient and so kind in dispelling my woeful discussions, usually entitled "I'm never going to make it."

My God was there when I prayed for jeans. I know he was because one of my child's playmates had a kind mother that dropped a dozen gently used pairs off the very next day.

My God was so generous, never asking much in return. The Elders of my church, with hands upon my head, gave me a wonderful blessing, telling me that God expected my tithes to be paid and to never study on the Sabbeth.

He was always there, watching me grow; showing me how to trust my instincts. And he was there for the difficult times that came my way. He hand-picked a new little rental when our family had to flee a man who assaulted me. He found just the right place for us to find peace. He was there with outstretched arms as two police officers approached me on my front lawn to give me the news of a terrible car accident and the death of my oldest son.

My loving Heavenly Father; my God and my comforter was always by my side watching me grow, watching me overcome. I would come to know that it is never the trial I was to go through that would make me the person he wanted me to become, but how I went through those trials he sent my way.

I did walk across that graduation stage one day. I did become a nurse, and then a charge nurse and so much more. My greatest joy however was never in any one of those fought for accomplishments. My greatest joy and accomplishment was spiritual. It was the greatest gift a person could possibly ask for. It was the gift of knowing; knowing He was there for me then and He will be always.