INCESSANT

INCESSANT

HOUSTON, TX – SUMMER 1968

Monday morning James emerged from the bedroom heaving the suitcases toward the front door when he saw Caroline sitting on their newly upholstered blue velvet couch, a picture of beauty although the distant look in her eyes warned him to tread lightly. Silently, he settled beside her and waited for her to acknowledge him. The tension between them had been aggravated because James had worked tirelessly from dawn to dusk all week, juggling the demands of his clients and the pressures of home life. He walked on eggshells to keep Caroline calm, but honestly did not know why he chose this course of action.

Shoulders hunched as if under an invisible burden, she confessed.

"I can't shake it. Even with you in the room I’m scared.”

Her voice was barely more than a whisper, as though speaking louder might awaken the ghost of infidelity. James took a tentative step forward, the wooden floor creaking softly beneath his weight. The room, filled with the soft light and heavy emotions, James watched as she struggled to find the words, barely breaking the silence.

“You tell me that my jealousy is unfounded but its incessant presence makes me miserable. It’s as if a spirit hovers mocking my positive thoughts of your faithfulness.”

“Adjust your crown my queen. Whatever it is that’s making you feel this way shall not come to pass.”

She laughed as she smoothed her yellow dress adorned with purple flowers. As James ran his fingers through her hair, he breathed in the delicate scent of her perfume, savoring the moment. He stared into her eyes as their lips touched, sending a thrill of excitement through his heart. It had been so long since they had experienced this kind of shared intimacy. The sound of Tori and Bryson prompted him to reluctantly pull away.

The children, not eager for the adventure, stood before them with suitcases in hand unfortunately prepared for the journey.

James eagerly settled into the driver's side seat, brimming with pride, and feeling secure in their new white Buick, backed out of the driveway.

“Bryson are you excited about visiting the White House and seeing the Statue of Liberty?”

Bryson absentmindedly nodded, his mind preoccupied with his paper route and the pay he was missing for the two weeks of vacation.

"Bryson, your mom asked you a question," his dad gently reminded him.

As he half-heartedly acknowledged her reaching for his comic book and fixing his gaze there.

Tori’s eyes narrowed as she watched her brother, clad in his new clothes, a reminder of the shopping trip she refused to go on. Her fists clenched, and with a swift motion, she punched him in the arm.

“You are so spoiled,” she snapped, her voice tinged with frustration. Meanwhile, her thoughts lingered on the twirl show she would be missing.

“My Twirl Show starts RIGHT NOW. Why couldn’t you check the calendar? I do not matter at all.”

"You'll forget all about that baton thing."

“Not a baton thing Dad, it’s a Twirl Show.”

“Tori, we have discussed this multiple times, and I have apologized. Working for an employer, rather than owning my own business, means I must abide by their calendar.”

“Yea I’ll remember you ruining my chance. Why do y’all have to smoke those cigarettes in the car?”

“Crack you window Caroline.”

“Tori I will not put up with your smart aleck attitude. James, pull the car over.”

Tori sat in the backseat, arms crossed, and eyes fixed on the passing scenery. Her heart ached with the thought of someone else stepping into her spotlight.

“But dad, my first solo. I am the leader of the Twirl Show. I am number one, Dad. I worked so hard and practiced all the time just so I could be the leader. Nothing matters if I cannot be in the twirl show Dad. Nothing.”

Tori gave it all she had, leaned into the window and surrendered.

“Just climb to the back of the station wagon so I don’t have to hear you whining about that twirl show.”

“I’m not pulling over. Tori, get to the back.”

Tori clambered over the backseat of the station wagon, her knees sinking into the jumbled pile of bags. As she unwrapped a sandwich and took a hearty bite, the tension in her shoulders began to ease. Each mouthful dissolved her frustration, the simple pleasure of the meal calming her in a way that words couldn't.

7 hours later, the windshield wipers worked to clear the view of the slick roads in slow traffic. Despite the weather, it was exciting to see the green glow of the Holiday Inn sign with its fenced-in swimming pool and small restaurant next door. James rolled the Buick close to the front as another car was leaving.

“Bryson grab the umbrella under your seat and walk with your sister. Hurry and follow us inside the restaurant.”

The server brought the drinks and took their orders but as soon as she walked away Caroline started in on James’s questioning why he was smiling and talking sweetly to her.

“Not again, Caroline please,” he eyed his wife.

“Did you want me to be rude and mean to her? I was just ordering our food for our family.”

“Then why did you smile at her like that. I saw your eyes light up as soon as you saw how pretty she was in that miniskirt and long blond hair attempting to hide her cleavage.”

“Let us just leave. I do not want another fight over nothing.”

“No, we are not leaving. The kids are hungry. Just mind your manners and stop trying to flirt with the waitress.”

As the server came back to their table, Bryson quickly jumped up.

“Can you show me to the bathroom, please?” he asked, trying to keep her away from his mom.

Remembering Caroline’s frame of mind that morning, James knew that once she thought she saw something there was no talking your way out of it. Ignoring her made it worse and appeasing her made her think she was right. She would overthink it, he would reassure her, but nothing he said or did could keep that generational jealous mindset from breaking through the emotional track in her mind. He could almost hear the whistle blow, and the conductor shout ALL ABOARD.

He never thought he would do this in public, but he asked Caroline to join hands and say grace before they ate. Eyes closed and head bowed, he whispered a prayer to bless their food.

When they looked up the waitress was standing there smiling at James. Caroline’s one-track mind derailed and she stood against the table, heaved her glass of water in the server’s face, then shattered the glass on the floor.

“You think I am a fool! I can see you trying to intrude on my family.”

“Caroline, sit down. She hasn’t done anything to deserve that.”

“You’re taking her side and defending her?”

“Caroline, sit down.”

“Mom, stop,” whispered Tori.

The onlookers swiveled one by one as the shouting escalated.

“Get away from the table and get me another waitress.”

She laughed at Caroline before replying.

“Ma’am there ain’t no other waitress.”

Caroline reared away from the table aggressively.

“My children are watching, and you are going to straighten your attitude, and leave my husband alone.”

James moved Caroline away, but she resisted and pushed him against the four-top. The clatter of breaking glass and silverware reverberating on the floor sent the intimate setting of the small restaurant into a frenzy. The men in the vicinity stood rigidly, their gazes fixed on the unfolding scene as the waitress inched away from Caroline.

“We will not go somewhere else, and this hussy better back off, or I’ll get one those forks and rip her bucked tooth face off.”

Bryson leaped onto his mother's back. James pulled Tori away, instructing her to stay back.

"Bryson, release your mother," as he sought to break them apart before escorting Caroline out of the restaurant. She countered with legs so forceful sending him sprawling into a neighboring table at the feet of a man of the cloth. Extending a hand to James, the priest helped James to his feet while Bryson tried once more to attach himself to his mother's back.

"Bryson, Tori, follow me," James commanded.

Bryson dropped to the floor and sprinted behind Tori splashing through puddles of water and hurling themselves in the backseat of the Buick before their father fishtailed out of the parking lot.

"Lock your doors, kids, and please, no tears. Everything will be alright."

“What about mom? Dad? You cannot leave our mom. What if she gets arrested? I saw a security guard coming toward us when we left.” said Bryson.

“Does not matter. Let someone else deal with her this time. I tried, but she just rages on. I cannot put up with this behavior every time we go to a restaurant. I gave her one last chance and she refused so we are leaving.”

Tori watched her mom waving wildly until she was out of sight.

“How can we just leave her. Dad? Where are we going? Turn around. Dad, I cannot see mom anymore. Turn around Dad!” Tori cried.

A thunderclap boomed as the lightning streaked across the sky. Tori screamed, and James realized he had no choice but to turn. He circled the lighted parking lot until he found her crouching under a Magnolia tree at the back of the restaurant. Shielding himself under an umbrella she stood as he approached.

“Caroline, get in the car.”

He offered the umbrella and brushed away the blooms and leaves from her shoulder.

“Don’t touch me.” She hissed as she pushed him away with a fist on his cheek. He grabbed a low branch to catch his fall just as lightning seared the tree knocking him to the ground dazed. Caroline ran.

“Bryson come help me with your dad.”

“What did you do Mom?”

“Just shut up, grab that umbrella and follow me.”

Bryson grabbed the umbrella and ran behind the Buick following his mom. The blood on his dad’s face surprised him and he cried as he used his shirt to wipe away the blood.

“The lightning hit the tree and made your dad fall.”

“Oh, sure and I bet the blood on your hands are from the waitress?”

An eerie sensation crept over Bryson as he gazed at his mother’s haunting expression.

“Women are the enemy Bryson. Always remember that.”

Bryson had witnessed that enemy look on his mom’s face and believed every word she said about women. Struggling to lift his dad to his feet he kept an eye on his mother for fear of another strike.

Caroline drove in silence until they reached another hotel. James and the children marched in front of her, and she struggled with the heavy door when it closed in her face.

The hotel smelled of cinnamon to mask the lingering stale smell and when the hotel clerk asked if they needed medical attention, Caroline sharply eyed the clerk as if the fear of losing another fight was eminent. She assured her she would administer any medical attention James needed.

“It’s better this way,” she convinced herself.

Caroline let the kids fend for themselves in the hotel room and got herself and James undressed. James passed out on the bed, and she positioned him where she could keep her eye on him.

Caroline stirred awake shielding her eyes from the morning light. Placing her hand on James’ wrist to check his pulse, her gaze fell upon James’s bloodied clothes strewn across the floor and hesitated as the memory illuminated.

James sat up on the edge of the bed holding his pounding head.

He shook Tori and Bryson’s bed with his feet to awaken them and asked them to come to his side.

“Bryson get the keys to the car and bring me the yellow piece of paper that is inside the glove box.”

James read the paper aloud.

“They honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.”

“What does that mean dad?”

“I wondered what it was that the priest gave to me. When I fell in the restaurant the man of the cloth that helped me up slipped this piece of paper to me and whispered, ‘God be with you.’

“You might not understand what I am about to tell you, but your mom needs more help than a bible and a professor can give. You might be going to Grandma Frances’ for part of the summer after we get home.”

“Wow your cheek looks bad Dad. Professor? I did not know Mom was in school.”

“Bryson, we are seeing a marriage counselor. She calls him the Professor.”

“Dad, I am not missing the Championship Swim Meet. Please!”

“Tori please think of someone other than yourself for once and do not cry.”

Brice detested the jealousy that overtook his wife and drove her to the brink of insanity. Remembering last night’s altercation - the shouting, the shattered plates, the tears, James clenched his fists, trying to keep calm. But Tori’s trembling voice had cut through the chaos in his thoughts.

“Mom, okay?” she had asked, her vulnerability breaking through the walls he had built.

James wrapped his arms around Tori. The thought of her having witnessed these outbursts repeatedly worried him. Lately, they are escalating like a storm gathering strength. James could not let it tear them apart. He could not let this continue.

James pulled out the only lifeline available. Caroline’s prescription sat in his luggage untouched.

“You’re taking this,” he said firmly, holding the bottle out to her.

“Or we’re leaving, going home, and the consequences will be on you.”

Caroline glared at him, her anger still simmering below the guilt. But James stood his ground. He had fought in foreign lands, faced enemies with guns and bombs, but this battle was different. It was for his family—for Tori and Bryson, for their fragile bond with their mother.

As Caroline hesitated, James’s resolve hardened. He would not back down. Whether Caroline liked it or not, she would take the mind-altering mood pill.

Upon arriving at Pennsylvania Avenue, the family toured the White House before heading to the reflection pool leading to Lincoln’s Memorial. Caroline walked ahead while Tori held James’s hand balancing on a raised curb. With sad eyes she asked,

“Dad, mom keeps asking me what I am so happy. She had that mean look on her face.”

“Dad, I saw that mean face on her last night when I was trying to get you back to the car. It was scary Dad,” said Bryson.

Not wanting to continue this conversation, within an ear shot of Caroline James raised his hand and pressed his finger to their mouth as he shook his head.

“Let’s try and cheer her up,” he whispered.

James leaned over and picked up a handful of white blooms from a Magnolia tree. He handed them to Tori.

“Here, Tori, your mom’s favorite. Why don’t you catch up with her and show her that you found her favorite and give them to her?”

Tori picked up a few more petals, arranging them nicely. She skipped her way up to her mom and shyly offered them to her. Caroline looked at them as if they were poisonous.

“You know you shouldn’t pick up things off the street. Throw those things down and get in the car.”

New York was next.

The Parkers kicked off an early morning intent on visiting the Statue of Liberty without incident. James once again stood before his beloved wife and insisted she take another dose.

As they strolled through the animated streets of New York City, James eagerly snapped photos of his children posed before timeless statues, hot dogs vendors and the Statue of Liberty. Much to everyone's surprise, when their tour of the Statue of Liberty concluded, Caroline sported a smile.

"Seeing Lady Liberty amidst this magnificent expanse of water gives me a feeling of freedom," she expressed.

Laughing freely she planted a kiss on James and bestowed a smile on Tori and Bryson. Encouraged by her unexpected change of mood, they made their way to Times Square.

"This place is brimming with life! And these trees - you know just how much I adore trees! Let us explore what varieties are here. Tori come close.”

Tori was hesitant but obedient. She reached her mother’s side and stood there waiting for her instructions.

Caroline, brimming with intrigue and a thrill for adventure, held Tori's hand as they ambled through the lush expanse of Central Park, marveling at nature’s beauty. Over the next hour, they occupied themselves identifying various trees and flowers, while James captured images of their favorites. This East Coast adventure had finally infused them all with the sense of joy and excitement that James had hoped for. The battle within Caroline’s mind had a savior and he said a silent prayer thanking God for the research, scientists, doctors, and nurses that created the pill that could stop the haunting and save his marriage.