Change....scary....or beautifully messy?

Change....scary....or beautifully messy?

Change. The word itself incites a wave of fear. Or, is that a wave of precaution? A wave of excitement, unfurling over a sea of emotions? One can only pick their personal response to that word and in turn, receive the consequences of action or inaction. Voiced or unvoiced, change happens to everyone and everything. A penny does not simply continue to shine like brand new mined copper, unless perfectly preserved with no story to tell. Change must happen. Stories must happen. People must happen.

Change-the greatest influencer of all time. No amount of Instagram or social media can do what change does. People shed blood for change, exchange effort for pay in order to

produce change and create a world of difference---all for a word: change.

Change must come. We cannotstop it. It is a being that moves and creates and marches on without anyone

directing it unless they step in line with it or mold it into their thinking and create a bandwagon of followers believing in the change that is coming.

Change can be good or bad,but each day we have a choice. Change can be beautiful. Imagine a world full of caterpillars and no butterflies. One can see the beauty in each situation, if

one will look further into the hole of change, but what is missing when we can't see the forest for the trees? Caterpillars must change to continue the circle of life, and what a beautifully messy change that is! Akin to change in people, shedding the shell of change and transformation, beautiful messes make the best change of all.

What a word-Change. Inciting fear, excitement, wonder and beauty all in the same word.

I've often wondered about my attitude towards change. It's uncomfortable, messy and I downright do not care for it. But, in a world that is ever-evolving, change must happen. Daily to-do lists make daily change possible. Habits and mindfulness occur to assist in the resistance to change. But change must come. Without it, nothing grows. Life becomes stagnant. Birth. Life. Death. All are changes beyond our control, yet within our grasp of finding out. What happens when we relinquish our control on the concept of fear and insist on the curiosity of the unknown? Change. Change happens. And we must let it, for if change cannot occur, time cannot march forth.

Imagine a world where change had never occurred. World renowned artists would not have existed, free-thinkers and world changers to whom we owe our utmost respect, who have influenced the change, incited ideas that shaped our world for the better, would not have existed. Time, like an unearthed archaeological site, would remain frozen and nothing would move forward. Freshly minted coins would stay the same. All people would look alike, think alike, speak alike and the world would be mundane.

Imagine a world with no Ruby Bridges, no Rosa Parks, no world changers. Influence would be another conversation that lacked taste, much like an unsalted bag of potato chips-boring and unsavory. Change is like the taste of bittersweet chocolate on the tongue. Lack-luster and untimely, change that is often unsavory, unwanted and unaccepted.

One-sided change is uncomfortable. Imagine, a small building block in a world full of forty-foot tall building bricks, imagining its place amongst them to build a wall no man can tear down. Change is that small building block. One block here, another there, and soon, the entire structure of the wall is changed-maybe for the worse, maybe for the better, but there will be no doubt that the wall has changed.

When change becomes a way of life, you learn to “roll with the punches”. What I mean by that is, looking back at my life, I realize that there has been so much change, and it has shaped my life and how I view the world around me. “Picture it”, twelve years ago. I would have never guessed that I would have a life-changing event happen to me. It hit me like a 2x4. There I was, 27 years old, sitting in the Neurologist’s office, looking at x-rays, hoping like crazy, they were not telling the truth. I wish that had been true. Hearing the words “stroke”, “hydrocephalus”, “life-altering”. Many words I did not expect to hear when I walked in. But those words changed my life forever. Fast forward to two weeks later, there I was, waking up in the hospital on the neurology ward, bald as a baby’s bottom and cut from head to ribs. Talk about a wake up to change! From that day to now, change has been an ever-evolving component of my life.

Flash forward to today. Change is taking place as I type this essay. Change has occurred in my heart and mind in the past few months, during this COVID-19 era. Even before that, my year had begun with change. A huge transition occurred for me in that I moved from being a classroom teacher to a special education teacher. Talk about a world-changer. Special Education is a world that is unique and truly “special”, and ever-changing from day to day. No one day is the same. Things were comfortable and going along well, and then, “BAM!” March 13 reared its ugly head and my life hasn’t been the same since.

Change of heart is something I would have never imagined I would have in relation to my career. I love what I do! Being a servant leader is my life’s goal. However, the past few months have really allowed me to explore the thought of “Do I really want to teach online? What about human-human, face to face contact?” Simply stated, this change made me uncomfortable, and I did not like it. I did not like the pit of despair it had plunged me into. I did not like the feeling of failure in not being able to reach all of my students, which was a huge change for me. What was the point of the online e-learning when all of the lessons and planning went to waste?

Change had to happen. What is that change? At this point, I do not know, but I do know that change must come or else life will become and stay stagnant. I am hoping that this change turns into a beautifully messy, happy, noisy change, and all fear of the unknown is chased away. Change will come. Change must come. Change is a necessity.