I Heard Your Voice

I Heard Your Voice as clear as day as I lay silently in my bed reflecting on your recent passing. Tears are slowly sliding down my face as I fight through the pain of losing you so young. I’m sitting here evoking on your laughter, your smile, and your touch. You were the favored brother who consistently made the entire family chuckle. You left your lasting impression on everyone when God decided to call you home. I heard your voice ringing in my ear over and over again, saying God, this pain is overwhelmingly excruciating and piercing. I’m sick and tired of seeing this hospital bed every couple of weeks, I’ve been here practically all my life. In and out of infirmaries has become a normal life for me that I did not ask for. God, how can I return this pain to the sender? I’m not ready for this journey, in fact, I’m not willing to become a special case. I’ve been through multiple surgeries, dialyzed, heart attacks, amputations, a stroke and ultimately coding many times. I’ve also survived the Covid 19 pandemic which caused my health to decline at a rate that ultimately set me back into position where I’ve become once again dialyzed three times a week, I’m back to square one again. Lord, I’m tired but I refuse to leave my family behind. I’m torn between hurting in this broken body and departing. What would my mother do without me? How will she survive without her child leaving her all alone? Mother, I’ve done all I can here, I’m tired, my soul needs to rest. I’m screaming inside without a sound; tugging at the sheets asking God to heal me! I see everything and yet I hear nothing until the day God whispered softly, “It is Finished”. The sound faded, as the sheets uncover my body that once protected me, thunder followed as the pain suddenly die away. Abruptly, I encountered an outer body experience that caused a powerful gush of wind to gently elevate my frame, transporting me above the clouds, passed the golden gates, up the steps into a heavenly world I could only dream about. 

It’s bright, it’s warm and it’s beautiful! I can’t believe I’m standing here without a cane, walker, or a wheelchair. My legs, feet and kidneys were returned just like the day they were given by God. My heart has been healed; open-heart surgery is no longer a need; my arteries are working again! I haven’t felt like this in years, I can run, jump, and play sports again without the risk of injury. I’m in a place that’s not familiar, I look around to see my ancestors from a long time ago whom I’ve never met but somehow remember. How is this possible? I heard your voice from a distance, the voice of a spirit who I recognized in a dream not too long ago. This voice was soft, gentle, and kind. He whispered; “I called you to suffer no more”. I looked into God’s eyes as he said, “It Is Finished”. Everyone is happy to see me, I see my aunt, uncles, friends, and my dear sister. I’m traveling home to a safe place, a place where there is no suffering, no doctors, no treatments, no appointments, and no fear. I’m journeying through this dark tunnel that has no end. It’s completely dark here but I’m not afraid, a path to a world of the unknown. It’s similar to traveling in time but my time here is no more. Is it still time? Or is it eternity? I’m stuck in the middle between both worlds until I pass through this tunnel. I must make it to the end, I’m tired but God please give me the strength to continue this journey once more. I can see a bright light just pass the crossing; I think I made it to the end, I see it, it’s absolutely gorgeous. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. God has given me the ability to view my past once more before my transition.

God has granted me the ability to see my entire family together again near and far for the very last time. What a beautiful sight to see. I witnessed the gathering of my funeral, it was in the form of my favorite football team, “The Dallas Cowboys”. Blue and Silver was the theme, I watched my beautiful wife, daughters, nieces, nephews’, grandchildren, friends, and my mom who is sitting at the end of the first row crying out to her son. My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces to see my mother falling apart like this. She was my first love who taught me how to love. The hurt I saw in her face was the pain of losing a child the prior year still fresh in her spirit. That kind of pain is indescribable. I wish I could hug my mother one last time to let her know I’m okay and I’m finally home. As I continued looking around, I saw the impact of grief throughout the church, the homegoing service was as beautiful as the kind words expressed. I heard my brother singing my favorite song, my two beautiful daughters expressing their love so passionately, a sister who conveyed a poem so spiritually profound it left a gasp in the room. I heard the cries of people who were near and dear to my heart, a love that will last a lifetime. As the service concluded, I witnessed my casket rolling out of the church into the hearse with the family nearby. The cars were in sync following behind the hearse with lights on and driven to the cemetery where closing remarks were sympathetically expressed before my departure. One by one, I saw beautiful flowers placed on the casket, around the casket and in front of the casket with my favorite Dallas Cowboy colors. Once I was lowered into my eternal resting place, the voices slowly faded away.

By Elouise D. Woodard