21 comments

Drama Fiction

272. Days. That was how long I have been trapped in this room. I don’t even know what this room is. All I know is that I have been stuck here for a very long time.

         The room is white. White walls. White tiles on the floor. A white bed with bleached white sheets. White light. So much white that it’s sickening to even look around. The only things that are not white are the marks I have written on the wall. I don’t even know how I wrote those since I have no pen, but somehow the marks are there.

         I find myself studying them when I am bored. And counting them. A lot. I am always bored when I am in this white room, but I can’t seem to do anything. I can’t speak. I can’t eat. I can’t move. All I can do is stare at the marks I have made on the walls.

         Sometimes I wonder how I am alive still. But then I go back to staring at the tally marks on the wall and forget. I think I am going crazy, but I am not sure. I wish there was someone else in this room, then I could ask them. But I guess I couldn’t since I can’t speak.

         273. I add another mark on the wall. I don’t know how I know when the days are over since I have no watch and there are no windows, but somehow, I know. 273 days. I wonder how long I will be here. No one tells me anything. I don’t even know if anyone is here. I tried calling out once before, but it feels like my mouth is covered with tape. And my hands can’t remove the tape. So, I don’t bother trying to call out anymore.

         300 days. I look over at my wall with tally marks, but they are all gone. I look at all the other walls, but there is nothing on them, save the sickly white paint. Where are my marks? I try to ask out loud, but I can’t. I want to scream. All the tally marks that I have written are gone. The one thing I had in the empty room, gone. I try to cry, but I can’t. I can’t do anything, but silently mourn the one thing I had.

*** From the doctor’s perspective

         Doctor Todd watched the patient closely. She appeared to be in distress. Sweat beaded on her forehead and they writhed around a bit of the hospital bed. Her lips moved, but from where the doctor stood, he could not here anything. He pressed his ear close to the patient’s mouth and listened.

         “They’re gone. Oh no, they’re gone. Where are they? Where are they?” Again and again the patient whispered the words.

         His nurse came up behind him. “Has the patient changed?”

         Doctor Todd nodded. His eyes focused on the patient. “Patient appears to be distress. She keeps talking about something being gone. I don’t know if she is reliving a past experience or if she is stuck in a bad dream.”

         The nurse shook the patient’s arm, but she didn’t stir. “What do we do, Doctor?”

         The doctor was at a lose. He had no idea what he was meant to do next. “I don’t know. I have pored over medical books looking for cause of this illness. I have checked into mental illnesses and physical ones, but nothing like this is ever described. I have even talked with some of my colleagues, but they too are at a lost.”

         He scratched his head, now sporting a few more grays because of this patient. “I suppose the only thing we can do is keep monitoring the patient, get her to drink water, and hope for the best.” Never as a doctor had he felt so hopeless. But there was truly nothing he could do.

         The nurse nodded. “I will watch her for now. You can step out. Perhaps you could update the parents.”

         Doctor Todd nodded. He stepped outside and walked out to the parents waiting in the waiting room. They wanted to be with their daughter, but Todd had thought it best for the patient to have quiet. Plus, it won’t help the parents to see their daughter so still.

         Both of the patient’s parents stood when he entered. “Please, sit down.” He waited for them to take seats and took one for himself so he wouldn’t be talking over them. “Your daughter has showed signs of life, but she still hasn’t woken up. We will continue to monitor her. But I believe your daughter is trapped in her mind. It’s not certain, but it is a strong possibility.”

         “Can we see her?”

         Doctor Todd shook his head. “Not yet. I think it would be best if we waited until she awoke.”

*** Back to the patient’s perspective

         I hear something. I don’t know what it is, nor do I know where it came from. I can’t really care much though. I am trapped. With nothing to look at but blank white walls.

         I wonder if I am dead? But death would not be like this, would it? No, I don’t believe it would. I am alive, but somehow, this room, this consciousness does not feel like real life.

         With my tally marks gone, I don’t know what to do. I try to move and somehow, it seems to almost work. I try again. Nothing this time. But perhaps, the first time was just a dream. Or what if this white room is a dream? But what would that mean? That the days marked by tally marks were fake? That this room does not exist? But if this is all a dream, then why can’t I wake up?

         Again, I hear a sound. It sounds vaguely like talking. I try to turn towards the sound but I can’t. I look down. I am not strapped to the bed, yet I feel like I am. The sound starts to fade away and I try to stop them, to keep them from leaving me in this white abyss, but the sounds disappears and once again I am back to staring at the wall This time though, my precious tally marks are gone. And all I can do is wonder if I will ever be free from this white room. 

December 28, 2020 22:50

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21 comments

Hope Reynolds
01:43 Dec 31, 2020

Awesome work, Thora!!

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Thora Porter
03:12 Dec 31, 2020

Thank you, Hope.

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Hope Reynolds
21:54 Dec 31, 2020

Taking your poll :) Cold or hot? Maybe hot? Pastel colors or Vibrant colors? Pastels Pizza or Pasta? Pasta. I am gluten-free and mostly dairy-free. Unless we are talking about a dessert pizza ;) Morning or Night? Both. I like peaceful mornings where I wake up happy with light streaming in, but night time can be fun and energizing sometimes. If it is not a groggy morning where I have to get up early, then I would probably pick morning. Books or Movies? Hm, I like books, but I might occasionally ditch my book for a family movie.

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Hope Reynolds
04:05 Jan 01, 2021

Oh, and just a quick note before the contest ends! Usually when you use the word "lost" in this story, you mean to say "at a loss." ;) Good luck, and a very serene, joyous, happy new year, Thora!

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Thora Porter
18:40 Jan 01, 2021

Thank you, Hope. Thank you for pointing that out. I have now changed that part. Also, happy new year to you as well! :)

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Kate Reynolds
14:41 Jan 23, 2021

Wow. This took a very unexpected turn!!!!!!! It's so chilling imagining how the girl must feel. It was soooooooooo gooddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I honestly can't find any critiques (no matter how much I reread it XD) So wonderful job!!!!!!!! :DDDD

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Thora Porter
15:48 Jan 23, 2021

Wow! Thank you for such a sweet comment.

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Kate Reynolds
15:59 Jan 23, 2021

Welcome!!! :D

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18:46 Jan 09, 2021

I love the story and can think of some ways it could be elaborated on. I like the tidbit about her not being able to move in the beginning and yet somehow able to mark the days that comes back at the end to talk about feeling like being strapped to the bed. Maybe you could say where she is in the room, like she is in the bed or standing and observing this empty room or floating like in an afterlife. Also, when in the doctor's time, maybe you can include how long she has been in this coma-like state or what led up to it. Maybe she has bee...

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Thora Porter
19:15 Jan 09, 2021

Thank you Betsy for you comment. I appreciate your suggestions. I possible plan to do a part two to this story so I may use some of your ideas to further the plot.

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Hi Thora! Wow, this was a really good story, I loved all the descriptions you added, It seemed so real! For your poll Cold or hot? Cold for sure!!! Sometimes hot;) Pastel colors or Vibrant colors? Pastel! Pizza or Pasta? Def pizza! Morning or Night? I wake up early but like to stay awake at night so both. Books or Movies? Thats a hard one! 60% books and 40% movies:) Have a wonderful day and happy late new year!

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Thora Porter
19:50 Jan 07, 2021

Thank you so much for your comment. Also, thank you for responding to my poll. We definitely see eye to eye on most of the options. You have a wonderful day and new year as well!!

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Thank you too! I see that we have a lot in common;) Would u mind checking out my story? Thx in advance!

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Thora Porter
20:04 Jan 07, 2021

I would love to check out your stories. Are there any in particular that you would like me to read?

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Your choice, and thank you!

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John Del Rio
19:21 Jan 07, 2021

Nicely done. This is the first of your stories that I have read and enjoyed, but I will read more. So bleak. Such desperation from everyone in the story. I hope it works out for her. I liked your descriptions and the layout of the story. On a mechanical/practical note..there were a few things that may have been autocorrected... "doctor was at a lose"....at a loss "Patient appears to be distress".... in distress, or distressed. They were minor things that didn't take away from my enjoyment of the story. I look forward to reading more of...

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Thora Porter
19:49 Jan 07, 2021

Thank you so much for your comment John. I am glad you enjoyed it.

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John Del Rio
19:51 Jan 07, 2021

Are you considering continuing the story? Do you already know whats going to happen with her?

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Maya
00:03 Jan 30, 2021

Wow- this was spectacular, Thora! The way you described what it felt like for the patient was great! Since the reader knew she was lost in her head, it added suspense and made them really want her to realize what was happening and wake up. Also, I liked how you made the color white a major theme in the story. I think it really fits since (at least in my experience) creepy things happening in hospitals always involve mostly white colors. Like in shows and movies. Now for your poll, I would say: 1. Cold, I don't like really hot days and I LOVE...

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Thora Porter
15:14 Jan 30, 2021

Aww, thank you you so much, Maya. I really appreciate your comment. :)

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Maya
15:56 Jan 30, 2021

No problem! :)

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