The body

The Body

“Do you think she knows we’re here Jan?”

“I don’t know Ang, she looks like she’s asleep Or dead..”

“Should we prod her?”

“Nah, let’s just sit here til she moves”

“But that could take ages..”

“Yeah, but what else are we going to do? This place is so boring…no wonder she’s dead”

“Don’t say that! She is not dead! She is asleep! She’s breathing!”

“Are you sure……let’s put a mirror up to her face”

“Why the hell would we do that? what is she going to do? Open her eyes and look at herself?”

“No dumbass, that’s what I read in a book, its what they used to do to see if someone was alive. You put a mirror up to their face and see if any fog or moisture appears on the mirror. If it does then it means they’re breathing. But you have to hold it right up to their nose and mouth.”

“Do you have a mirror?”

“Ang, in the whole time of us knowing each other have you ever seen me look in a mirror or carry one?”

“I can only vouch for the time that I’ve known you… and you’re right – you avoid mirrors like a vampire…actually maybe YOU are dead…the undead…”

“Stuff off”

“ha ha ha….’I vant to bite your neck’…ha ha”

“I said leave it!!”

“You brought it up”

“Hey Ang, do you ever wonder?”

“About what?”

“What it’s like to be dead?”

“NO! I don’t want to think about things like that! Why would I?”

“Just asking. I do.”

“Why?”

“I sometimes want to think what it must be like for my mum and dad”.

“Shit I’m sorry Jan. I can’t imagine not having parents. I can remember when you transferred to our school eight years ago the teacher told us before you arrived to be kind to you because you had lost your parents.”

“Did she really say that? No wonder everyone looked at me like I was a weirdo.”

“Yep. One of the kids, Melanie, asked why you didn’t try to find them.”

“What! What kind of dumb thing is that!”

“Hey we were only five, and Melanie wasn’t the brightest, still not the brightest. A couple of months ago I heard she asked a teacher if dinosaurs were fake news.”

“Yeah, I get it. I didn’t really understand it myself.”

“The kids didn’t really think you were weird. They just didn’t know what to say.”

“You knew what to say. You were the only one to make friends with me. You’re still my only real close person.”

“Our family dog had just died after being run over, so I kinda knew what it was like to feel sad.”

“A car killed mum and dad. They were going out; I think it was some kind of work thing. They had an accident, and they were both killed. The police came to our house and spoke to our neighbor who was babysitting me. The next thing I really remember is going to the funeral home.”

“You’ve never really said what happened, you’ve only spoken about what your mum and dad were like.”

“That’s because I’ve never really wanted to remember. But just lately I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

“About…what it’s like to be dead?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve always been told it’s like sleeping, at least that’s what my parents said when our dog died and when my nana died. They said they’re at rest.”

“Did you see her body?”

“Who? My nana? No, we couldn’t travel to the funeral so never saw her.”

“I saw them.”

 “At the funeral home?”

“Yeah. My neighbor thought it would be a good idea. She was looking after me while the police worked out where I could go to live. She thought I should see them so that I would know they were dead and not just staying away.”

“That’s horrible! sorry…I mean..”

“It’s ok. It wasn’t good. I went there and I looked at them. They had make-up on. Their skin was pale and waxy – like vampires – and they had make-up on. They put lipstick on my dad so he wouldn’t look so pale. He was a builder; he would have hated that. They also put lipstick on my mum, but it wasn’t the colour she used to wear.”

“That’s sad.”

“They had their hands showing, above the blanket, and I asked if I could hold their hands. I grabbed my mum’s hand. It was cold. I have never felt a cold like that. I couldn’t understand how it could look like mum’s hand but not feel like her hand. I didn’t want to keep holding it but I didn’t want to upset my mum by taking my hand away….pretty dumb huh..”

“That’s not dumb...I don’t know what I would do. I never knew dead bodies were like that.”

“I wish I didn’t... Now I’m getting older, I keep thinking what is it like to be dead? What is like to go from warm to cold? Do you know someone doesn’t want to hold your hand anymore?”

“I’ve no idea. I’ve never thought about it. I know mum was upset the first time I told her that she didn’t have to hold my hand walking down the street. But when you’re dead do you even know this? With being so cold would it be, like, being frozen where time stops? Maybe all they know are their memories of being alive.”

“I hope so. We had good times when they were alive. Mum and Dad would be dumb and sing and dance and just be silly. I loved that.”

“What did they sing?”

“One song was ‘I love you even though your feet are too big’, I sometimes look it up on youtube to listen to.”

“Ha ha – that sounds like my sister. So gonna play that song for her when she wakes up.…. assuming she IS just sleeping.”

“Should we get a mirror?”

“We will, but I’ll prod her first…just to check”

“Aghhhh! What the shit!!”

“Sorry sis, we were just checking that you were alright.”

“You little brats! Wait until I tell mum and dad. They’ll make you spend the rest of the holiday in your rooms rather than on the beach”.

“Sorry Marie we were worried you hadn’t moved for ages…we thought you were dead”.

“For freaks sake I was just lying here trying to relax in the sun…why the hell don’t you do something useful like jump into the sea where a rip is”

“what’s a rip?”

“Well...Jan…it is a nice place for you and my sister to go and play”.

“Marie! Don’t tell her that!”

“Oh God, ok. You’re lucky, at least you got to take a friend with you, I have to try and find friends here, and there are no other sixteen-year-olds, only adults and brats like you. You and Jan should be grateful you have each other.”

“Yeah. I’m grateful. Ang is all I have now.”