And This is the Royalty of Albion

It wasn't that Chloe was nervous - or maybe she was and she was trying to convince herself that she wasn't so she could get through this. She should be focusing on Queen Margaret.

Margaret. She-Wolf of France and leader of the Lancastrian cause in England.

Margaret had always been a figure from history Chloe had looked up to. If you cared to look, history was full of women who fought through their menfolk to get what they wanted or waited in the darkness pretending to be someone they weren't until the opportunity presented itself. Margaret had been both. She had waited, had acted like she was a woman of her time, but when the opportunity came she had struck, had taken the Lancastrian King of England's place at the head of the Lancastrian army.

Chloe had always appreciated Margaret, but she had never thought she would be here: about to go on stage as one of her heroes.

She had been dreading this moment, she was thrilled about it too. She had been waffling between the emotions for weeks and she still didn't have an answer about how she truly felt.

She had never felt like this. This role was different to any of the other characters she had played. She had felt so much excitement during the rehearsal process, but now that opening night was here she wanted to stay in her dressing room and not embarrass herself on the stage. She wanted to stay in her tank top and leggings, makeup and hair half done. She didn't want to change into the red dress that was hanging on the rack. She felt like it was mocking her.

She buried her head in her knees and tried to breathe. She didn't care if she was late to warm-ups or fight call. She wanted to be able to breathe.

There was a knock on her door. "It's time," said her dresser, Vicky.

Chloe slowly unfurled her body and looked at her face in the mirror. The prickles of tears had smeared her makeup. She grabbed a makeup remover pad and swiped her eyes. She hadn't used one since she was a teenager, but they were good in a jam. Like when she didn't want to show up to warm-ups looking like she'd been crying. She hastily dumped some cool water on her face from a water bottle. She looked in the mirror again. She looked tired, but at least there weren't any more black streaks on her cheeks. It would have to do.

She left her dressing room and walked through the backstage area to the stage. She walked out on it and found a corner near a wall. She knew it wasn't true, but it felt like every eye was on her as she walked onto the stage. She hated this feeling. It was even worse because Chloe has always believed Margaret was someone who reveled in the attention, who didn't want to be in the background. All Chloe wanted to do tonight was melt away into the shadows.

"Are you okay?" asked a voice. Something brushed up against her bare arm.

She looked up. It was Oliver - the actor who played Henry VI.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. I got lost in my head for a minute."

He walked away from her. Chloe know Oliver wasn't going to leave her alone for the rest of the time until the "places" call for beginners - the top of the show. She knew he was going to stop in just before. She knew they were going to head down together and they were going to whisper about their mood tonight. She knew he was going to have to know something of the fact she wasn't in the right place, but she wasn't sure how to say it. She took a deep breath and flowed into the arm circles and yoga poses that were part of the physical warm-ups.

***

She was called to the fight call and she and Ari practiced their fight as Margaret and Richard. As soon as she picked up the sword it was like all the weight she had been carrying around melted off her.

All that mattered was the hatred she felt for the man in front of her.

All that mattered was that he didn't survive.

Of course she knew he did survive. She knew the Duke of Gloucester was going to become Richard III, that he was going to be one of the most debated historical figures but that wasn't Margaret's story. Margaret didn't know any of that. Margaret's focus was the Lancastrian cause and whether she was going to survive, whether her husband was going to survive, whether her son - the Lancastrian Prince of Wales - was going to survive. Her family, that was her focus. Nothing else mattered to her.

Chloe fell into the rhythm of the fights that had been burned into her. At this point she felt like she could perform them in her sleep. She felt like someone could say the word, the character she was fighting and she could move into the scene, lines and all. She lost herself in the rhythm and the story and when she stopped, bits of hair had escaped and were failing around her face. She rested the point of her sword against the stage.

"You're good," said Ari. "I've got to give you that."

She shrugged. "Practise. That's what it comes down to."

He laughed. They had had this conversation several times already. She was always going to be the one to depend on rehearsal. He was always going to do what felt right in the moment.

"We both know that I'm not going to spend as much time with you and Kevin and the swords."

"You've spent enough time to make yourself look believable."

"That's part of the story, isn't it?" Ari asked. "That even though he had scoliosis he was still an accomplished swordsman."

"Of course he was," she said. "He couldn't have survived as long as he did in the world he lived in without it."

"You act like he was a horrible person who was as twisted as Shakespeare said."

"Of course he wasn't," said Chloe. "Shakespeare's version is a version that we now know isn't true, but Shakespeare was writing for the Tudors. They were never going to be the biggest fans of Richard III. They were on the throne because Henry VII defeated Richard III in battle."

Kevin came over and ordered them to get back to work. They cleaned up bits of the battles and then she was allowed to go back to her dressing room and finish her preparations. She took a deep breath and nodded.

She could feel the anxiety coming back to her. She hated the feeling of it creeping back into her mind. It felt like a spider or other bug was crawling on her skin.

Ari rested a hand on her arm. "Are you sure you're okay? You look like someone scared you. Are you sure I didn't do something wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong. You're standing next to me and you're blocking the anxiety."

"Do you want me to do anything?"

She shook her head. "I wish there was something you could do but there's not."

"I'll text you when I'm in costume. When you're prepared to go backstage text me back and I'll meet you outside your dressing room."

"We're supposed to be enemies."

"But no one else is standing at your side so I'm prepared to cross that line and stand between you for as long as I can."

She nodded. "Okay," she whispered.

Maybe it would be good to have Ari beside her. Maybe what she needed was a friend. Margaret had never seemed like the person who needed friends. She had always seemed more powerful, but maybe the power was a mask for another lonely woman of history. Maybe she didn't have to be the same as Margaret.

Chloe went up her dressing room and reapplied her makeup. She took the red dress off the hanger and put it on. The fabric flowed over her body and down her torso. She called Vicky to zip up the back and pulled the front strands of hair into a bun at the back of her head. She put on the crown and looked at herself in the mirror. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Thank you," said Chloe.

"I'll see you at intermission," said Vicky.

She walked outside and joined Ari in the hall. Together they made their way through the backstage area, whispering 'break a leg' and greetings to their fellow castmates and the backstage crew.

She walked out on the stage and took her place beside Oliver for the top of the show.

"How are you?" Oliver whispered.

"Better," Chloe whispered back.

She looked to stage left and saw Ari. She smiled at him and he gave her a nod back.

Maybe taking after Margaret was a bad idea. Maybe friendship was okay. Maybe it was okay to open her heart to love again. Maybe playing Margaret didn't mean she had to shut herself off to everyone in her life. Maybe past love stories meant nothing, should be forgotten. Maybe her friends were right. Maybe Ari was someone she should lean on. Maybe he was someone she should've been leaning on this whole time.

Note: The title is an edited version of a line from William Shakespeare's Henry VI: Part II and can be found at I.III.436. The full line is "and this is the royalty of Albion's king".