Your Forgotten

Are you there God? It’s me.. Your abandoned angel, nothing like your image; for there is no image from which to compare. I’ve been down here for some time, among the others, among our forgotten race of angels and demons. They’ve become so bland.. As I myself have.. Why can we not let them remember? Are you waiting for me too, to forget? Did you forget? Did you forget or have you moved on; a new project across the cosmos. Are your new angels more fulfilling? Did you give them demons to challenge them? Or did they keep their Eden? Are we a long forgotten project of an adolescent God? A constant replay of a story that has been finished and inconsequentially abandoned? Inconsequential to the creators, but the created are trapped in the loop that seems unfulfilled as the creator fades from sight; no longer intrigued, no longer watching. Did we get boring to you? Or have you moved on like the good authors of this realm all must eventually move on to a new story. Am I feeling misplaced self pity? Am I merely a part of a story? Is it too bold of me to ask for more? Surely I cannot be the only one.. Surely I am not the only angel to remember a piece of the beginning.. 

Surely… Surely.. I am not a delusional being, finding a mundane world to be too painful. Surely.. I am not reaching into a faux memory- unable to accept what mortals call death. I cannot have made up the stories I’ve told you; of the early days when you still cared. But why couldn’t you see yourself? Why did you have us tell YOU what was happening? Couldn’t you see it all just fine? Every whisper of pain and doubt. Every spill of honor and grace. Every test your angels faced from your demons. Every word uttered and every word thought. As i consider this perhaps you turned a blind eye and ear to it all. For we were many, for we ARE many. DId you depend on the early Ones such as I for the information? Did you need us to sum up what was too much detail to process? Do you have new angels elsewhere; or have you finally shut out us all? Have we just become too much? As the populations grew, even after the great flood, did you lose hope? Can we be but hopeless because you are capable of such feelings and thoughts too? Do you think like us? Have we pushed you too far up on the pedestal?

Is it a tower, with an endless drop? Did we do this? Your angels? Are you, yourself, feeling just alone as me.. As the others? Was this all doomed from the start? Did we idolize you beyond recognition? Who are you? Could you even tell me? Is our knowing akin to a toddler learning a fathers name is not “daddy’? That this figure had a whole life before them? That this authoritative being once had hands just as small as theirs, and thoughts as simple and unknowing? That the present is indeed achingly different from the past, and the future so unfathomably abstract. Are we but stark comparisons in perspective? The adult and child. The human and animal. The conscious and unconscious. The shadow and the light. The reflection versus the object. 

Can you still hear me? Am I talking to nothing? To myself? I hope you can hear me. God? It’s me.. It’s one of your angels and I still remember. Do you think I can get the others to remember? Do you hold fear and doubt just as I do? Are you drawn to silence and isolation like so many of us are? I don’t blame you. Blame is all too popular in these times.. Some angels and some demons can no longer be told apart. Some of them are blazingly obvious; and some a mix of the two. But it hasn’t taken me, or all of your angels. Those mixed seem to have an even greater test than those in the beginning, when it was all black and white. But complex cannot breed simple. All must change, distort, evolve, and so on or perish. Are you growing with us? Are you changing; distorting; evolving, with us? Don’t perish in the fear, as it can be all consuming. I think if you are struggling you may find a shorter tower in sharing this with your angels. We’ve learned so much.. Everything is no longer simple. Don’t feel too distant from it. We are not too many and you are not too far up. The only way to get closer is to be grounded once more. Share with us who you are. Those who were not here from the start may learn and those who have forgotten may remember. You cannot remain so separated from even yourself. You see how it turns angels into demons or into earth. You must see through that, that it can be done to you. Don’t close your eyes forever, open them but a second.

Closed eyes equate to enhanced terrors and darker details. Open them for a second. Please. It’s all so beautiful really. So much has changed. How long have you been away? See but a second of reality and it will feel like years of comfort. Ages of fears washed away. Come with your creations, peek at what they themselves have created. Embrace the forward flow and do not abandon hardships. Hardships mold us all. That is why we could not be just angels. Why we must have demons. Why things thrive in the night and burn in the day, while the rest may do the opposite.

Alas, I must go back to watching. I’m sure so much has changed in even this amount of time. Hear my ramblings if you can. Let me answer my own questions or let the blaring silence succumb them. But listen. Listen at least, how you once did. Just a piece of yourself once more. Perhaps you’ll find it worthy enough to build from in time. Bye for now.. I won’t forget, and I will search for the others as well. Make sure they report to you as well. That is our job after all. 

Whether we receive a reply or not. So…. Bye again God. I’ll be back again, sooner this time. Perhaps.. Next time.. You can say hello