Awaited Night

(Content Warning : Terminal Illness)

The sky shows no emotion whatsoever. Like a canvas painted in black, what’s a night with no stars presented? Stating an unchanging solemn mood, it draws a stoic expression from anyone who has their head facing up. The bustling city becomes a new artificial light source, but it’s just different, different in so many unspeakable words. Longing minds anticipating the celestial glimmer decided to just succumb themselves inside the busy work life, feeling their euphoria buried under the bright buildings, replaced by traffic jams and people’s streams.

“Why are you so heavy?”

“Gravity, friction, ground elevation, additional weight, your sloppy stamina...”

Carmen heaves a helpless sigh, continuing to push the wheelchair uphill while the person sitting on it lets out a mild chuckle. Her sweats trickling down her tee later reaches out towards the swaying flannel shirt. The rough rocky paths and wild grasses poking out everywhere aren’t helping at all. Reaching the top clearing, she topples down with her limbs stretch wide.

“We’re here, Fens.” The called girl remains silent, mindlessly tugging in her sweater after feeling the cold night breeze. They exchange no more words. Carmen’s rapid breathing is the only thing keeping the air from dead silence. Up there, the whole town is in their view, as if it can be grasped in a scoop. Under the dark sky, they wordlessly enjoy this rare panorama.

Feeling the need to break open a conversation, Fens weakly lifts her camera shoulder level with her thin arms and takes a quick shot of her buddy. “You look...stupid.” Upon hearing the shutter, Carmen switches her position into a sitting one. She manages to catch the thrown polaroid then jokingly snorts at it. “An unearthly scenery is waiting for you to capture it yet you wasted a film on a stinky dummy.”

“I’m warming up for the highlight.”

Fens cranes her back to adjust the camera settings until a ring from her pocket disturbs her. “Finally.” The line connected once she laid her phone on the ground. “G’day girls, Marcus here reporting from behind the power station, all systems checked, we’re ready to roll.” Carmen hides the boiling urge to smack the boy from miles away, instead, she signals him to wait for the cue first.

While Carmen and the opposite line keep their conversation going, Fens fiddles around her camera, sitting quietly on her lap. Her thoughts are swirling inside her head, suddenly all her buried emotions flushed out. She reminisces on her last days on Earth with a few weeks left. She thought she’s ready to face the inevitable calling of death but no, she isn’t. All the things she hasn’t accomplished, the minimum amount of photography subjects she possessed, tons of activities she wants to do when her sixties approached. No, all her wishes will eventually fade in her twenty-two years of living.

Silent tears flow down her plump cheeks under the night sky. Carmen catches her head hanging low and cuts off Marcus immediately. “Fens, Fens, you okay? No, no, you shouldn’t be crying this soon. Deep breathes, deep breathes.” Her actions turn soft towards the sudden change. Pulling back Fens’ messy blonde hair, she gently wipes off the tear droplets with her slender fingers. Carmen crouches down her knees a little, helping the latter to lift herself up.

“Am I allowed to leave the wheelchair?” Fens’ chimes in between her hitched breath. “Yes, yes, no problem. The grass is as warm as your seat with a touch of nature. Don’t worry, don’t worry.” Once Carmen succeeds in laying her butt down slowly on the ground, she makes sure to keep a close distance from her. With a soothing pat, Fens begins to calm down.

“Hey, Carmen. Is everything okay? Did you ditch me to take a dump?” 

“Dang, I forgot he’s still here.” 

The three break into laughter. It was nothing as funny as a comedic theatre or comical skits but they just, laughed. Nearing another peaceful ambiance, an ear-piercing ‘boom’ erupts from the phone causing the connection to buzz a static disruption. Following the explosion, the city lights die down like a domino effect until the edges leaving everyone in darkness. “Marcus, what’s that bang? Why is it dark now?” Fens asks the other side with a tint of worries in her tone.  

“Yes, I’m fine. The bomb was supposed to be a last escort in case the hacking didn’t work and I sort of accidentally blew it up, well at least it’s dark now- I gotta run, the guards are catching up soon. Don’t worry about me and enjoy your time and the stars of course.”

“Will he be fine?” Carmen assures her Marcus will be doing just splendid, knowing he’s the ‘John Wick’ of the campus. “Will the people in the hospital be fine? Will there be fires caused by circuit error or something?” Fens’ rants won’t stop at this point which later will develop into her overthinking about all the dangerous possible outcomes because of their stupidity in order to appreciate the shining milky way.

“Girl you need to chill. Hospitals have generators remember? See, see, the little light there?” For the nth time, Carmen lulls her from her demeaning thoughts. The natural lights start to show themselves from above. Minutes passed, their forms become visible to the naked eyes. It’s a heavenly sight, the galaxy shining as bright as ever. Another tear threatens to fall from Fens’ orbs but she ignores it and snaps a couple of shots. The glimmering dots merged with the dark purple shades bring a satisfied smile.

Seeing the happiness radiating from her friend, Carmen grins widely. “You know what, Fens? You should stop overthinking about literally everything. Easier said than done, right? See the stars in the sky, there are a hundred thousand million of them in our galaxy with the Sun being one of them. The universe is such a powerful word that contains an endless possible amount of life out there, us merely being a speck of dust scattered, a tiny bit of atoms inside it.”

“That seems like a nice way of saying not to make a big deal about my upcoming death. And, those stars are dead, we’re only seeing the light traveling into Earth.”

“No, no, don’t be so pessimistic. I’m just saying that the world is a vast place. They’re too busy to care about you, about Marcus, about us so you shouldn’t waste time caring much about them. Does this make you feel better? C’mon, Fens. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Fens scooted closer, accepting the warm embrace from Carmen. For the first time in her life, the sky lits up, an astounding view leaving her mouth agape emerged. Constellation and the milky way shone on her, finally. She felt this cozy sensation mixed with comfort as they hug together. She’s happy that Carmen is here, Marcus is here. She’s content with her tranquil life. She’s happy to be alive.