Christmas Nostalgia

Sensitivity Warning : This story deals with the loss of a loved one.

Fern climbs out of her warm bed and gazes out the window. Heavy snow falls from the early morning sky. The forecast is calling for two feet of snow and a blizzard warning is in effect. She’s glad it’s Christmas Eve and she can stay in for the day. This will be her first holiday without her husband, Ben, who loved Christmas. Although she’s lonely, she’s determined to make the best of the festivities in honor of his memory. She plans to spend her day wrapping presents and baking cookies.

  At 9:00 a.m. it’s ten degrees outside and gusts of frigid wind are blowing snow up against the side of the house. Fern is sitting at the table wrapping presents and listening to Christmas music when Ben’s favorite song comes on the radio. Tears fill her eyes. “Oh Ben, I miss you so much.”

  After a good cry, Fern wipes the tears from her face and takes a deep breath. She looks out the frosty window and spots something furry crawling through a deep snowdrift. Chances are it’s a wild animal, since she lives over two miles from her nearest neighbor. But just in case, she pulls on her coat and heads outside. As she gets closer, she realizes the animal is a dog. A layer of snow covers its back, and it struggles to stand. She picks up the frightened animal and hurries back inside. 

  The dog trembles, and its eyes are wide with fear. Fern wraps a large towel around the poor animal and the exhausted dog finally stops shaking and falls into a restless sleep. Fern notices a blue ribbon with a small metal tag tied around the dog’s neck. Engraved on the tag is the name ‘Benji’. 

  Fern gasps. Benji was her husband's nickname. Tears cloud her vision, but she wipes them away. The dog will probably be hungry when it wakes up. She heads to the kitchen to find something for him to eat. After chopping up some leftover chicken and sweet potatoes, she turns to see Benji standing in the doorway. He cocks his head to one side and licks his lips. When Fern places the bowl of food on the floor, he consumes the entire meal, licking the bowl clean. “You were a hungry boy!”

  Benji wags his tail and trots toward the Christmas tree. He sniffs the ornaments and gently removes one with his mouth. Fern watches as he places the ornament at her feet. Last year was Ben and Fern’s 40th wedding anniversary. Ben spent hours in his workshop carving a wooden heart with the words ‘I Love You’ engraved in the center. This heart now lays at her feet. Fern sits down on the floor and holds the ornament against her chest. “I love you, Ben.”

  Just then, Benji crawls in Fern’s lap and licks her face. He wiggles his back side, yaps, and grabs a ribbon running across the room. Fern laughs and the dog darts from side to side, dragging the ribbon behind him. He drops to the floor, rolling on his back and kicking his feet in the air. “Someone must be missing you. I need to post your picture online.”

  Fern takes a picture of the dog and creates a post online. After that, she returns to wrapping Christmas presents while Benji scampers around the room. An hour later, the presents are all wrapped, and the dog has fallen asleep under the Christmas tree. The scene reminds Fern of her first Christmas married to Ben. They lived in a cozy two-bedroom house with a tiny Christmas tree set up in the living room. On Christmas Eve, Ben surprised Fern with a puppy. As the couple watched Christmas movies, the puppy named Tiffany dashed around the room and, after a time, fell asleep under the tree. Fern smiles at the memory. “We had an incredible life together, Ben.”

  Fern heads into the kitchen to get started on the cookies. A short time later, the smell of gingerbread fills the air, and warm cookies line the counter top. As she mixes the frosting, Benji peeks around the corner. Once he sees Fern, he scurries across the floor, pouncing on her feet. She finds a blanket and creates a small bed for him, but he has no interest in sleeping. He grabs the edge, shaking his head from side to side. Then he jumps on top and starts burrowing into the fleece. Fern sits down on the floor and the dog stands on his hind legs and licks her face. She strokes his velvety head. “You remind me so much of our first dog, Tiffany. Let me find the photo album from that first Christmas.”

  As Fern flips through the old album, she can’t help but smile. A frustrated Ben untangling Christmas lights. Fern hanging ornaments from the tree. And a picture of her and Ben standing in front of the decorated Christmas tree. Their youthful faces beam with the love of newlyweds. Then she finds a photo of their dog, Tiffany. The resemblance between Tiffany and Benji is uncanny. Benji curls up next to her and licks her hand. The feeling that her husband’s spirit is here with her is overwhelming. 

  Fern spends the rest of the afternoon snuggled in a blanket with Benji watching Christmas movies and drinking hot cocoa. She is thankful for the 40 years of marriage to Ben and all the wonderful memories of their life together.  

Epilogue

  After hanging flyers throughout the town, checking with the local humane society, and many online posts, no one came forward to claim Benji. It was just as well, since Fern had fallen in love with the little dog. Together, they enjoy days of playing fetch, walking, and taking afternoon naps. Benji fills the house with energy and love. 

  Ben’s memory lives on in Fern’s heart.  

Time

Time is a hummingbird flitting away

A sienna leaf drifting on the bay

Butterfly wings in the palm of your hand

Floating away like eroding sand

Pollen dust memories on the backs of bees

Peeling away like paper on birch trees