Dreams That Never Happened: A Memory Of Mary

Thunder rolled across Houston’s gray sky. In a small room at an old age home, an elderly woman stared out the window, her brown, droopy eyes filled with warmth. Her fingers were interlaced, lips curled into a smile as she whispered a name only she remembered.

---

1865

The sun scorched the Hurst plantation. Weeds thrived, hunger loomed, yet the slaves sang — not for joy, but to keep hope breathing.

The same woman, now young, stood by a tall maize crop. She had golden-brown eyes and curly hair that clung to her damp skin. She led the song. She swung a machete through the stubborn grass, grunting from the force. Her father, Hector, pulled weeds beside her and carried the song higher. Their harmony calmed the others until the clack of hooves shattered their small tranquility.

“Round ’em up!” came the voice.

Matthew Hurst.

He dismounted his horse. His leather boots crunched on dry earth, a whip slung on his hip, and a straw in his mouth. Mr. Hurst was known for his cold-blooded nature and everyone knew he didn’t need a reason to be a brute. He already was one.

“One of y’all stole from me. And now I see you out here singing? You must have one nerve.”

He paced, stopping before a trembling boy.

“Do you know who it was, boy?”

“No, sir,” the boy replied.

A woman near him clenched her fists, eyes brimming with tears. Hurst didn’t wait. He struck the boy, slamming him to the ground.

“NO! July!” the woman screamed, rushing forward.

Hurst threw her down too.

“I’m taking him,” he spat. “This is my plantation and nobody steals from me.”

“Please, not my son,” the woman begged, clutching his boots.

He kicked her away.

“Touch me again and you’ll be next.”

He dragged July away and the fields returned to silence, disturbed only by the mother’s wrenching weeps.

The silence of the night was thick with tension. The young woman who was singing earlier sat around a small wooden table with a younger girl beside her and her father. The young girl, Evangeline, fidgeted in their seat.

“Mary, I asked you a question,” Hector voiced out.

The woman lifted her eyes, meeting the darkened ones of her father. A quiet rage brewed behind his lashes and her stomach churned.

“Where did you get the bread you and your sister ate from last night?” he asked.

His tone was stern and the rage threatened to spill over.

“I—I found it.”

“You found it?!”

He hit his hand on the table. The flame of the candle at the centre of the table threatened to extinguish itself. Mary and Evangeline gasped silently.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. Evangeline was hungry and we had just found it—“

“You’re sorry?! July was the only family Ruby had, and just like that he’s gone! Because of his mistakes in the past, he was blamed for your selfishness! Do you know what you have done?!”

Mary sniffled and her tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I didn’t mean to. Please don’t be angry, baba.”

Hector looked at Mary, her tears flowing like streams with no end. He sighed.

“Don’t call me that— And I’m not angry at you. I’m disappointed. I expected more from you as the eldest... Just go to sleep, I don’t want to see you right now,” he said.

Mary and Evangeline dragged their feet against the wooden floor. Hector tightened his jaw, hoping to stop himself from doing something he would regret. The sisters made it to their room. Their house was small, but it had been something, especially since Hector was the first slave to get his own house as the manager of the Hursts’ plantation. He was entrusted by his people and the Hurst family, but heavy was the crown that eventually resulted in the death of many of his friends— those who grew rebellious.

Mary tucked in her sister on the grass mat they slept in. They had changed into their brown, torn garments. They shifted and turned until they found a comfortable spot. As soon as the silence settled, the sound of Mary’s dying-out sniffles were audible.

“Mary?” Evangeline called out.

She was thirteen years of age and yet her voice was still as gentle as one of a child’s.

“Hmm?”

“Are you alright?” Evangeline asked.

“I’m fine. Go to sleep.”

Another silence engulfed them.

“Why did you lie to father? Why didn’t you tell him it was me?”

“And have him beat you with the stick whilst you cry all night? No— I’d rather have a peaceful sleep.”

Mary turned to look at her sister. She smiled softly as she brushed Evangeline’s cheek.

“I’ll always look out for you. Always. But never do that again, okay? You could be taken away. You’re lucky July found you before they could see you.”

Evangeline looked underneath the covers.

“Are they going to kill him?” she asked, her lips pressed into a hard line.

Mary swallowed and looked through the small window at their feet.

“I don’t know… But it’s best not to think about it. Get some sleep. We have an early day tomorrow,” she replied.

“Okay,” Evangeline said then cuddled closer to her sister. She drifted off to sleep with an ache in her heart.

Mary looked at the stars, the silence penetrating through her emotional walls. She couldn’t live like this forever, she wouldn’t survive, she thought. She closed her eyes; prayed a silent prayer hoping that someday things would be different.

---

Present

“Mom?” a woman called out softly.

Her brown, curly hair, green eyes and pink lips came into Mary’s vision.

“I brought you some more blankets,” the woman said with a smile on her face.

“W-when did you get here, Lily?” Mary asked her daughter softly.

“Just now. I sneaked in your favourite yogurt and a drawing from Eva. She misses you,” the woman replied, planting a kiss on her mother’s forehead.

She then sat on the single bed and placed the drawing beside her. The small room of the old age home was cosy. The heater by the corner removed the coldness that the storm had brought in.

“Hmm. I was just reminiscing about Joe,” Mary replied.

Her daughter looked at her, an uneasy look in her eyes.

“Seriously? This again?”

“What again?” Mary replied.

Lily sighed.

“Mom. He wasn’t real. Joe never existed. You have amnesia.”

“No. Joe was real. I don’t care what those crazy doctors say. He was your father,” she replied.

The woman huffed out a laugh and looked up at the white cieling.

“Alright, fine. If he was real, then why didn’t he ever come to see you once in your life…? Why didn’t he come to see me?”

“Your father and I went through a lot back in the days. You don’t know hard it was for him,” Mary replied.

“Oh? And what about how hard it was for me? For both of us? You had to take care of me all alone and he didn’t care to show up. Now, you have a family that cares for you, and yet you won’t even pay your granddaughter more attention in your final—”

She stopped herself, taking soothing breaths.

“Joe was real… He was. I remember him.”

“No, I’m real! I’ve been real this whole time! I’ve been here, taking care of you, not Joe. Do you not care for me at all? Do you not see the pain in my eyes when everyday you grow distant from me… What is going to take for you to finally see me?”

Mary looked down at her clasped hands. Lily sat on the edge of the bed now, her cheeks turning crimson as tears built. Mary’s eyes darted around.

“He was real… Joe… My Joe.”

Lily shook her head and stood abruptly, getting Mary’s attention.

“I’m going for a walk.”

She shut the door behind her and left Mary to her thoughts. Her lips quivered as her own tears built. She tightened the clasp of her hands, a hard object in between them.

“He was real. I won’t believe. No one will take him away… I’m not crazy.”

---

1865

The work at the plantation had grown sombre. No one sang or chattered; there was just grunting and the hard sound of hoes hitting the coarse ground. The movement of the hoes began to slow as the sun burnt hotter. The sound of two horses chasing through the fields peaked everyone’s attention. Mary, Evangeline and Hector raised their heads, their hands dirty and the ground beneath them open with seeds scattered around.

Mr. Hurst arrived with a young man, circling them up like the day before. They jumped off their horses, chuckling from the thrill. The young man was tall and lean with brown, wavy hair and jade coloured eyes, like Mr. Hurst. Mary and Evangeline couldn’t help but to peak at the stranger who seemed to be of their age.

“Alright everyone. Today I brought you a special guest.”

Matthew grabbed the man’s neck playfully, bringing him closer. The man smiled sheepishly, nudging away the hold.

“This is my son, Joseph. I’m sure y’all remember him. He’s all grown up now and back from London to take over the family business.”

“Father, I’m only twenty,” the man said.

Mr. Hurst chuckled.

“You’re a man now, Joseph. Don’t be shy. Say hello to them. You’ll be in charge of them when I’m retired,” Mr. Hurst said.

Joseph rolled his eyes. He then stepped forward, scanning everyone but no eye met his except—

Mary averted her gaze quickly, and held the fabric of her skirt tightly. She mentally cursed at herself. Joseph stood, stuck in a trance as his eyes remained fixated on her. He eventually cleared his throat after getting a nudge from his father.

“Uh— Good morning. I’m glad to see that you’re all working and looking… healthy?”

Matthew chuckled again, finding his son’s concern for the slaves humorous.

“Boy, stop playing with their feelings. They’ll think you actually care.”

Joseph laughed nervously.

“Right; well, I look forward to working with you all,” he said looking at the young woman who had caught his eyes. He couldn’t shake the feeling that built up in his chest, recognition befriending him but uncertainty deluding it.

As the day progressed, Mary had gone to the farm house where her duties were for the afternoon. She was alone since all the farm house slaves had gone to the other Hurst plantation in Massachusetts. She sat on a small wooden chair, tugging gently on a cow’s udder with a practiced gentleness. The sound of a gentle cough got her attention. She stood up and bowed her head at the son of Mr. Hurst. Joseph stood by the large barn door, leaning against its frame.

“Mr. Hurst. I didn’t know you were here. Forgive me,” she replied with her eyes on the floor.

“Forgive you for not being aware? It’s an honest thing to do, but please, call me Joe.”

Joseph moved closer to her, standing a few feet away. His eyes roamed over her face but he could never fully see her without meeting her gaze.

“Please, look at me. I’m not going to hurt you,” he said softly.

Although sceptical, Mary did as she was told knowing that it was better to just follow the instructions of her owner than be beaten for not. Their eyes met and Joseph’s breathe left his lungs.

“Mary… I knew it was you.”

“Y-you remember me?” she asked nervously.

He huffed out a laugh.

“Of course I remember you. How could I forget the girl who beat me in all games when we were young?”

He smiled.

“You’ve grown. You’re a woman now,” he said.

“So have you,” she replied gently, shying away from his gaze.

“I- Only on the outside… I’m still the same inside,” he said as he kept scanning her face.

The stillness between them ascended, urging them to speak.

“Well— I came to, uh, get taught. I want to learn how to take care of the cattle.”

“You want to work?” she asked puzzled, momentarily forgetting the rules and looking him in his eyes.

His breathe hitched but I summoned the strength to speak.

“I— Yes. It’s good for a farmer to know his own work is it not?”

She kept looking at him, unsure of why a slave owner would do any work. Mary led him to the cow she was milking. He looked at her in awe, his eyes glimmering with a new found fascination at the girl he once knew.

The day ended with the two learning more about each other than the animals. Words were shared and glimpses of each other stolen. Joseph invited her over to the Harvest festival but she couldn’t go. She could see that he really hadn’t changed and still thought of them as one people. Mary politely declined. Joe was however determined to go with her.

The day of the festival fast approached and she walked past a thump of a tree in the evening. A man sat there, waiting for her.

Joe.

She shook her head, a smile on her lips.

“Oh, so you do smile,” he said, his voice velvety.

“Only at ignorance. Did I use that word right?”

Joe nodded with a smile, his eyes still glimmering.

“What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to join you. I know there’s a different party here— where you can be safe, free and yourself with your own people. I wouldn’t want to miss that.”

She giggled.

“You have done lost your mind. They will eat you up alive if they see you in there,” she replied.

“Well, so be it. I wouldn’t want to go anywhere you couldn’t be.”

She smiled softly. The stars above them witnessed their interaction, promising to keep it secret. The moon shone on them and just for the night, they would be normal under its light. Joe and Mary entered the compound where all the other slaves danced. The slaves welcomed Joseph, recognizing him as the little boy who’d play his guitar whilst they worked. He was loved for his kindness and inclusivity; it promised them a future that could someday set them free from societal confinement.

The night ended with Mary and Joe running to the fields. They chased each other around, and for the first time in what seemed to be an eternity, Mary laughed, felt joy and was convinced the stars had answered her prayers. Fate had grown kinder to her and peace had quieted the raging storm that had brewed before. In that night with a promise of the moon to conceal them from the cruelty of the world, they indulged into each other. Desire sparked a fire across the field they lay. A kiss and then a promise that wherever she went, he would follow.

However, jealousy lurked in the dark corners and so did fear. Hector and Ruby watched them with disgust, and turning on a person who they thought would bring destruction seemed far too easy in that moment.

Dawn would come eventually, and the promises made by the night would fade. The two woke up in a barn, their faces glowing from the sweet nothings they whispered the night before. However, fate had other plans. With a heavy barge, and a rush into the barn, Matthew Hurst and other farmers entered, yanking them apart.

“Father? What are you doing? Let her go!”

“No son. She’s a witch and an abomination to this plantation. She bewitched you!”

Mary screamed, begging them to let her go whilst Joe called out to her. Tears rolled down her eyes, and the ache in her heart pierced through the hope she had the night before. Her soul was crushed once again as she was dragged away.

“Father?” she called out to the man who stood from afar, Evangeline next to him.

Tears built in Evangeline’s eyes but Mary mostly saw the coldness in Hector’s. She knew in that moment that he was happy getting rid of the child he always suspected wasn’t his. She held the silver chain around her neck, gifted by Joe the night before. She was thrown into a wagon and her sobs rocked her body. Joe’s cries were the last thing she heard from him when she closed her eyes.

---

Present

Mary’s tears rolled down her cheeks, but a smile was on her lips. A nurse had entered her room with a food tray.

“Have you seen my daughter? I want to give her something,” Mary said.

“Your daughter?”

“Yes. Lily. She said she was going for a walk. I just wanted her to have something of mine.”

She gave her a gentle smile, placing the food in front of her.

“I’ll go get her for you.”

The nurse left and a moment passed and another nurse entered with brown hair, pink lips and green eyes. The nametag was written Lily Hurst.

“Ah, I thought you left.”

“I wouldn’t leave you. We still have much to bond about,” the nurse said softly and began to feed her.

She opened her clasped hands, handing over a small nut.

“I wanted to give this to you. It’s very special.”

The nurse accepted it.

“What is it?”

“My necklace. Someone very special gave it to me. I wanted you to have it,” Mary said eagerly.

Lily gave her a warm smile.

“I’ll keep it safe. Let’s get you your pills so you can sleep. Alright?”

Mary nodded and stood. She made it to her bed with the nurse’s help, a child’s drawing hung against the wall with name Oliver Hurst. The nurse grabbed a container of pills.

Name: Alora Parker

Olanzapine 10mg

As soon as she drank the pills, she drifted off to sleep with a lopsided smile on her face. In her heart she wondered if maybe tomorrow would be the day Joe visited.