A story about a person longing for a family

It was a beautiful almost fall time of year. The air was crisp and the leaves started to fall. We were taking the eldest off to college, and very proud. She was extremely excited looking forward to growing up and being adventurous. The youngest was starting off in high school. Nervous and a little frightened of the new enormous new school the town built.

We knew our family life would change forever. 

 A few short days later there was a wind storm. No rain just a horrible wind storm. 

We lost power. Into the fourth night we decided to stay with the folks. 

The next night he went off to run errands after work. I was dropping the youngest off at school in the evening for her first social event. She just sat in the car in the school parking lot. Hesitating she said, “I wonder if we have power?" I suggested for her to call the house and if the machine picked up, we did. We had power. She wanted to go home.

 We left the school parking lot with excitement. After we arrived home she decided to go on the computer. Back then it was dial up. Therefore the house phone won’t work. I laid down to rest. It was a stressful week. Suddenly the doorbell rang. "Mom, the police are here". Rushing to the door in my purple nightshirt I feared the worst.

The officer said we need to get to the hospital right away. He asked if I knew the number. For some odd reason I did and said it out loud. The hospital was in another town but I knew the number. We rushed down there. I put the flashers on and drove as fast as I could.

Calling the eldest from our new radio shack mobile phone we told her to come right away.  

The outcome was the worst anyone could fear. We left without our dearly lived husband, father and best friend.  How were we going to survive without him? He was our glue. The girls adored him and they cherish their father.

One in college. One in high school. What's a mother to do? 

As a short time passed so did the folks. The best part of my world is disappearing. 

3 years into college. 3rd year into high school we are a drifting further apart. They don't call. Short conversations, holidays with boyfriends. Family, What family? Where did it all go?

As life slowly drifted me by my world was changing in the wrong direction never to return again. Not aware at first it was happening we all went on with our lives. Busy with their carriers. One has 3 children while the other one works long hours, has boyfriend, and travels. I guess there was no time for me. Years and years pass. No calls. No conversation, Sure there were those limited visits. I was mocked for upgrading the house as they expect the house to stay exactly the same. 

As I sit alone in the house that was built for us. We thought we would never fill every room. Alone and quiet I write this story. I eat my dinner in front of  the tube. Conversations are limited to me, myself and I. Vacation time is used up staying home as I have become used to hibernating alone. Feeling deserted, abandoned and in solitary I crawl into bed and say good night to one of those new gadgets who say good night back to me. As I drift off to sleep I often wonder what it would be like to have a family.  

Arise every morning following the same routine I greet my friends at dawn. I fill the bird feeders and listen and imagine they are saying good morning just to me. Leave the empty and lonesome house, not home but house. I travel my short distance to work and come back the same route and same time Monday through Friday. As I eat my dinner again in front of the tube I check my cell phone to see if one may have sent a text. On occasion one will ask for a sitter or to pick up the kids, but other than that usually not a word.

I text the grandchildren a hello, have a nice day or a good morning. Nearly a day goes by and not a response. Their mother must have taught them well. Another long five vacation days not including weekends is passing me by. Sure I keep busy. I clean house, yard work and write my stories. I take a nap and purposely wonder if having a family is all it is cracked up to be. I think of the noise the kids made. The messes they left when they were here. Did I mention they all lived here once, all together but the mess, the noise and damages were too much for me? I asked them to leave and they did. They didn’t travel far but I feel they are trying to teach me a lesson. She said once to watch what you wish for.

Do I want the noise every moment? Do I want the messes which no one else cleans up? Do I want the damages they cause? Or do I want a family?  This has been the most complex question I have ever come across. Just imagine if you were in this situation. What would you do? My story is almost over and I have yet to utter one word today. I can always to the ones I can count on. The ones that don’t make noise. They do not make messes or even destroy things. Have you guessed the only family I have left is me, myself and I?

Today I would give anything to have the family come and gather around the dinner table. Have a laugh and good conversation. Cook together and clean up together. I picture the children coming up the stairs and greeting me with hugs and kisses. At Christmas time having them open my gifts to them in front of me. Getting up in the morning and hearing a good morning back or have a nice day. Some things we take for granted were right under our noses and slipped by without a clue until it was to late.

In my Will it is clearly spelled out. No funeral, no service or anything. If my so called family could not spend time with me while I am alive I certainly do not want to have them waste their time when I have died. Me, myself and I is all we need.

Josey

Sp185@sbcglobal.net