Doubting Thomas

He shuffled along the corridor. Mindful of each footstep as he slowly reached the armchair. Safely settled on it, he yawned. It was early in the morning. Thomas always awoke much before anybody else in his home. It was 4 am, and he was up and about.

                                                    In earlier times, when he was younger, he used to make a cup of coffee to start the day. But he was getting older and lacked the stamina to go to the kitchen. He waited helplessly for his better half to get up make his coffee for him.

                                                     He dutifully took his well-worn Bible from the table and opened it to read. he has been taught by his mother to always start the day by reading from the Scripture. It had become a religion for him. Reading the Bible, praying a formula prayer before the start of the day. Combine this with regularly going to the church, rain or shine, and some good works. These are the essentials for him to go to heaven, Thomas believed.

                                                     He finished his reading of a passage from the Old Testament. Then he turned to the gospels and read from it. The passage he had for him today was from St Matthew.

                                                     "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'"

                                                     Thomas knelt down and prayed, as he usually did. He asked for God's blessing on all his family and friends. He asked for blessings on his nation and church. It was a good prayer.

                                                     Today, he felt that he needs to think about the gospel passage he had read. "What does it mean? What does it mean to me?"

                                                     His mind went back to the past. He had been an active Christian. He had brought many to the Lord and was active in crusades for Christ. He had the gift of tongues and performed many miracles. From his old almirah, Thomas extracted a huge scrap book where he had kept all the news clippings of how, he, Thomas had done many great things in public.

                                                     As he was in the midst of his musings, his wife Esther came with a cup of hot coffee. She handed it to him and took one herself and sat in front of him.

                                                     "What are you looking for darling?"

                                                     "Am just remembering all the things I did for the Lord in my past years, Esther."

                                                     "But why? Is today some anniversary for you?"

                                                     "I was just wondering if I am about to miss the bus, Esther. I read this passage from Matthew today and was struck by it. It is from chapter 7 verses 21 to 23. "

                                                     Thomas quietly sipped his coffee. Esther paused in drinking her coffee and opened her Bible to the passage and read it slowly. "Well, what about it dear?" she asked.

                                                     "We have all done great things for God. By His grace, I was able to preach and teach His word to many people. I mentored and discipled many young people. Prayed for and got many to be healed ad delivered. But will the Lord say, "I never knew you?", I wonder."

                                                     "Why do you think so dear Thomas?"

                                                     "The Lord wants us to look at inward change. He is in the business of changing the quality of our lives, making us more mature as we grow closer to Him. Have I had that relationship with my Lord?"

                                                     "Our fathers and their fathers and all others around us say that this is what we should do as believers. And we followed their example. Will we not meet them at the reckoning? You are doubting the Word of God like your name-sake, Thomas Didymus."

                                                     "No Esther, just listen. Maybe we have not lived up to the Lord's expectations? It does not make any difference what people say about us. In the ultimate analysis, what God says about us is most important. That is what I am learning, gray-haired as I am, darling. Let us pray and ask God for clarity."

                                                     They both slowly knelt down, with difficulty coaxing their arthritic knees to bend. Then they prayed to God.

"O Lord God, Father of us all," began Thomas, "thank you for all that you reveal to us through your holy Word. Help us to interpret and accept your Word, as You want us to. Help me, Father, to understand how I have to be known by you. Help me to revel, not in what I did for you, as I am in my golden sunset, but to be happy that I am known by you. Pray the same for Esther as well. Help us, dear Lord, to remember that knowing you and being known by you, is far more important than all we have been doing for you, in your name. Bless us and help us in the life remaining, to become closer to you. We ask all this in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ, "

                                            Esther joined him in saying,. "Amen"

                                            Slowly, they got up from their knees.

                                            As they sat at the breakfast table, they continued to muse, sharing with each other.

                                            "Are we on the right track, Thomas?" asked Esther, with a tremor in her voice, her eyes brimming with tears.

                                            "I am sure of that dear," replied Thomas," we had believed a lie, all these years. By His grace now, we are able to know the truth. The gospel truth."

                                            "Why did we stray from the truth all these years, Thomas?"

                                            "The mold of this world was making us conform to it. Everybody was doing it. So, we went on in that same way of thinking and doing."

                                            "But so much of His service we did do, darling. So many people were benefitted. Do you mean to say all that was a mistake?"

                                            "Please try to understand dear. It is not that what all we did was a mistake. Our depending on them was a mistake. We were so focused on programs and projects, healing, and teaching. We ought to have focused on the Lord and how we connect with Him rather."

                                            "Why Darling?"

                                            "Programs and projects may flourish for a while, but the wilt away like a wildflower, after its time is over. But relationships are forever. Our God is a relational God. He wants us to connect to Him, listen to Him, and to grow in Him."

                                            "But so many are continuing to do as we did then, and they are attracting many people to come to them."

                                            "Looking at others, their land, and gold. That was the mistake I made too, all these days, dear Esther. At least now, having learned the truth, let us open a new page in our lives. Let us focus on worshipping and listening to God."

                                            "But what about all the people we were helping, Thomas? Will we just leave them now, so suddenly?"

                                            "No. We will continue to do our good works darling. But do them with a different mindset. To reflect the face of our God to them, the others. Not to attract them in large numbers. I think we must make the words of the Prophet John the Baptizer, or motto."

                                            "Which words?"

                                            "He said, 'He must increase, and I must decrease' in John 3:30. That ought to be our motto."

                                            "Dear Thomas, we are old and so used to our own way of living for many decades. Can we, ought we to change so radically from now on?"

                                            "I am sure of that dear. We must listen. We must respond to what He is telling us to do. He will enable us, give us grace, and His strength to do His will, I am sure darling. Let us depend on His strength and not on our own."

                                            Thomas and Esther decided to do what the Lord wants them to do. They turn a new leaf. They start afresh. Spending time for their spiritual formation. In this direction, God brought Samuel, a senior Christian who has been a Spiritual Director for many in their lives.

                                            The first retreat they had was in a remote place and they focused on the Lord, and His Word. Samuel was a very different type of director who led by example. He just nudged them. Asked them to do things by themselves. In due course, Samuel enabled them to help themselves and become dependent on the Lord.

                                           The life they now live is different. They spend a lot of time listening and in the presence of the Lord. They have realized the truth. Having lived a lie through the years, in their sunset years, they have discovered the truth. The truth which has now set them free. Free and uninhibited to grow spiritually.