Towards the Rest of Her Life

“I didn’t set out in life to be your side chick,” Rashell said quietly, “or anyone’s side chick for that matter,” She tried to sound more resolute as she put her car into park.

“Rashell,” Max turned in the passenger seat to face her, “Come on Shell, look at me,” 

Rashell turned and looked at Max and he continued, “I know I said I would leave Lisa for you… and I meant it. I really meant it…. I do mean it. I will leave Lisa. But, leaving someone you’ve been married to awhile, it’s not easy. There’s a lot of nuance, there’s a like, I don’t know, a game. You have to be strategic. You know? It takes time Rashell… you need to give me some time.” 

Rashell looked away, he was full of shit, she knew that. But at the same time, she’d given more than a year of her life to this relationship. And she loved Max. She tried to remember the reasons she wanted to end it. Or really just the one reason, his wife. Rashell spoke up again, “it’s just that…”

“Rashell, please look at me.”

She looked up at him again which was a mistake. He was looking at her again with those big light brown eyes. The eyes that attracted her to him in the first place. And he knew it. “Come on Shell, don’t be mad at me.” His eyes were pleading and he looked generally pathetic, but in a cute way.

Rashell looked away slightly as she tried to collect her thoughts. It seemed like the music in the background agreed with Max, “...all you need is love. Love is all you need.”

Max moved in for the kiss and Rashell felt powerless to stop it. Just as she always had with him. She was in love with Max. And he always knew what to say. And what to do. And so he moved in for the kiss, and there was no stopping it. 

Rashell felt all the feelings. All the feelings she’d always felt. Max began kissing her neck as the song changed. At first Keisha’ Cole’s sultry voice seemed to accentuate the romance of the moment. He began kissing her lips again passionately and Rashell fell deeper back into this hole with Max.

But slowly, the lyrics to the song perforated the haze Max had her in. “incapable… you call… my number will be changed.” Despite Max’s persistent kisses, Rashell tried to listen, “Where’s the good in goodbye, if I give this one more try.”

Rashell pushed Max away slowly. “Shell, wha-” But Rashell held a hand up to indicate silence and he stopped talking. Perhaps waiting for her to say something, but she just listened.

🎵“Oh what a, oh what a feeling. The one that I thought that I needed-” 

“Shell I-” he tried again.

“Hush!”

🎵“was incapable incapable of needing me back. Incapable incapable of loving like that. Mmmm incapable. You’re incapable.”

Rashell sat back in her seat, eyes closed. Thank goodness for Keisha Cole. This song was literally single handedly giving her the strength to come out of this trance long enough to solidify her reality in her mind. She was a side chick. She didn’t want to be a side chick. She loved Max, but she’d always be the side chick because he was never going to love her the way she deserved. 

The song came to an end and Max said, “Well that was a nice song. I’ve never seen you that into a song before. It was kind of cute.” Her eyes were still closed, but she could tell by the tone of his voice that he was using his most charming grin. Max turned slightly toward her and  placed a hand on her thigh and Rashell opened her eyes but looked straight ahead. In his best seductive tone, Max asked, “now, where were we?”

Rashell glanced at him without turning her head, sighed and then batted his hand away. “Did you listen to the lyrics?” she asked. Then realizing that his answer really didn’t matter, she sat up straighter in her seat. She began reaching for her seat belt. 

“Huh?” was Max’s response to her question.

“The lyrics to the song?” The seat belt slid across her body and secured with a satisfying ‘click.’

“Hey, what are you doing?" Max asked.

“I take that as a ‘no.’” Rashell responded as she signaled the car to pull away from the curb. “I’m taking you home.” She shifted the car into drive as she checked her mirrors.

“But, but, but why,” Max sputtered, “everything’s been going well?” Rashell was surprised at how bewildered he seemed.  

“It's been going well for you and mostly you,” Rashell said with resolve in her voice, “but like I said, I didn’t set out in life to be your side chick, or anyone’s side chick for that matter.”

“Rashell,” Max said her name in the confident, smooth, seductive way he knew she liked. He was clearly trying to regain control of this situation. But, he was unnerved because his voice had just a hint of panic, “Rashell, this isn’t right. If you give me more time, I promise you, I’ll leave Lisa. I promise.” He paused as Rashell zoomed past the turn that would have taken them back to his car. His eyes narrowed slightly as he added, “Rashell, my car is back that way,” He pointed behind them.

“You are incapable of loving me back and I needed to wake up and see that so I can move on.” Rashell stated matter-of-factly. “And I’m not taking you to your car, I’m taking you home, remember?”

“Rashell, what?! You can’t take me home. What am I going to tell Lisa about why I am home with no car?”

“Not my problem.”

“Rashell, you’ve made your point. I haven’t been giving you enough attention. What do you want? Should we go away together?”

Rashell was silent. Was he stupid? How she could have let him string her along this long was beyond her. He was incapable of loving her back. Incapable. Why had she taken so long to figure this out? She slowed the car to enter his neighborhood. 

“Rashell! This isn’t funny anymore, you’re putting my marriage at risk here.”

She glanced at him. “Who’s laughing?” She felt a wry smile form on her lips, “besides, I’m sure you’ll think of some smooth bullshit to say. You always do.”

“Why do this? You don’t want to be a side chick anymore, I get it, but why punish me like this?”

“Because for the longest time, you got to have the majority of the fun in this relationship.” Rashell heard her voice crack as tears formed in her eyes, but she felt no less resolute, “So on the last day of our relationship, I’m going to have the fun,” she slowed again to pull onto his street. 

“Shell…” Max’s voice was pleading, but he clearly could think of nothing else to say.

Rashell pulled to a stop in front of his house and breathed a sigh of relief and smiled slightly for herself. Max looked at her for a second, clearly uncertain what to do next.

“Don’t worry,” Rashell said with a full smile now, “I’ll wait here to make sure you get inside okay.”

“Rashell!” Max exclaimed. 

“Better get going. The longer you sit out here in a strange woman’s car, the harder this will be to explain to your wife.” Rashell pointed to his front window where his wife was now standing and staring. She gave Lisa a finger wave.

“Shit Rashell! What is wrong with you, FUCK!” Max opened the door somewhat aggressively and got out. But he turned back toward the car and leaned his head inside to angrily mutter through gritted teeth, “We’re through. You hear me? DONE!”

“I didn’t set out in life to be your side chick, or anyone’s side chick for that matter!” This time, Rashell almost yelled it. The look on Max’s face made it clear that he realized that his final words to her hadn’t hurt her. Rashell hit the gas. The quick acceleration sent Max stumbling and had the added benefit of causing the door to shut itself. 

Rashell looked in the rearview at an irate Max stumbling to right himself. He appeared to be yelling something in her wake. “Oh no,” she said gleefully to herself, “I forgot to make sure he got inside okay.” Rashell knew she’d be sad later, but still leaving him fumbling - the same way he’d left her feeling so many times - well, it made her laugh. 

And Rashell drove away from Max and towards the rest of her life.