the secret of the echo

The secret of the echo

I always get what I want. woke up to that realization, like someone whispered that in my ear and I repeated it with my voice. No dream not slowly coming too, just this sentence in my head "I always get what I want", I'm not sure it came from me, I mean it sounded like my voice but with such strong tone. the confidence shocked me. That much that I stayed in bed for a couple of minutes, wondering about that, why did I wake up to this, was this really me or just a dream I forgot? whatever those weird stuff always happen. Eventually I got out of bed, laughing to myself hoping to have that kind of confidence all day!

I love starting the mornings in my coffee shop, making coffee for people is such a thrill, everyone is in a rush so eager to get their boost of the day, the aroma of the morning is so calming combining that with fresh roasted coffee beans is heavenly , its just not fair for the rest of the day.

Having my own coffee shop brought me joy, I don’t have to work there the place is very successful and I don’t have money problems. I'm content with my life, excited for another day.

I always liked giving people what they need. Recognizing a demand and being the one who fills it made me feel powerful. Some people please others fearing rejection or doing so to get something out of it like money. Not me, I chase specific kinds of needs, everything stupid a person needs now…like coffee really bad, parking, my attention for any inconvenience, problems..

Makes me feel powerful like a savior.

"you are no savior"

Like I woke from a dream. I remember.

The creature was once a person, maybe a woman I don’t remember…but it is me just different, it feels like this isn’t a person anymore.

The creature that’s inside of me, feels free to communicate proudly that he gets what he wants, when he talks, I don’t hear a voice like you would think- the comments float through my head almost like an echo.

 "What I want is what you want, were the same, refusing to die made me evolve to you, so, my wishes are yours you can't hide that from me. The mind is mine, but as nature wanted and others orders I do not control the body."

Ther was a pause.

 "You fully remember, why would you object? explain"

Without having to open my mouth, he hears my thoughts, my mind struggling, almost getting to an answer having all the scenarios in my mind, memories even the tiniest concern, it feels like the creature is purposely searching in my mind for some of it, exploring whatever seems complicated, bringing it to its true motives. I'm exposed completely, cand hide a thing can't say a thing because we're the same.

"I see"

The conflict stays in the mind I think to myself. "correct" it answers, a bit embarrassed the thought crossed through my mind, but I shrug it off, deciding if I'm doing this might as well own it, I answer with my mouth "my way".

"What a shame".

The thing laughed, it echoed in my head, "To better understand your behavior I'll explain, I'll even show you, This isn’t meant for them as you said, its meant for you to be much more than a savior, you want them to depend on you, for their foolish and urgent desires. Depending on you means to make them accustomed that you get them what they want in exchange for…dedication. They come back with more."

"You are getting them ready"

"I used to be the one who walks between them, I give them what they want, true instant desire, while really, I'm*# We the one who always get what I want"

"The deal is – fulling their lives in a way that creates pain, suffering, not because I twist their wishes, giving them specifically what they urgently want creates a cycle, problem - they desire - feeding of you- coming back.most of the time they come back just for me to create a problem. That cycle makes you powerful. Untimely they perish, the body can't sustain that kind of life, once, thousands of years ago man lived longer, peaceful life. But this is the nature of life now".

"The cycle as I said makes you powerful, I always get what I want, that’s the deal with the pit."

I asked, "the pit?".

"you're slowly remembering. Long ago the pit used to float around man, the anti, there is no being just a purpose, creating an end for everything. At a cost of everything. Everything would come to an end, some like me knew how to harvest these forces to our advantages. the pit gets so many beginning and ends these days. So much that man don’t live as long but procreates faster than ever. All that makes us powerful, there's so many of us, the pit gets his and I get mine.

 I live forever I'm youthful always my life would never come across a problem. Forever."

"So why are you like this? Why am I in control? How do I exist?"

"Others became greedy. Damaging me. Capturing me in this form forcing me to incarnate for ages. But now I can come back. Now there's so much more." 

I'm making them depend on me, slowly in slaving them, that’s why I make coffee. that’s why I make friends so fast. by solving problems, that’s why I'm happy when stuff go wrong in one's life. I see opportunities.

I remember fully now. But I'm different, I'm not just this creature now. I remember how everything started, decades flash before me. Man starting to accept my help, learning to seek fault. how everything changes, the death, the clinginess, the lack of meaning. And a time when no one remembers how life was different.

I remember other beings, besides man obviously, the cycle affecting them too until there were none. Only man flourished for some reason. not by quality of life the life span was extremely short. However, the population grow. Dramatically.

I remember. that’s why I don’t want to choose this again.

I care for my family. I enjoy having friends. I look forward having a family of my own. Hell watching Netflix in the middle of the night while having ice cream is my guilty pleasure. Small victories of my day mean the world to me. I don’t need to seek fault.

Maybe this came from the creature – this desire, but the way I see it, since I'm the new form, I get to experience and feel what I feel and choose what I want.

"If you chose to act like I always did you only continue your*##our care free life…"

 I replay " while others slowly burn? I'm no saint but I know I already enjoy my life, I have no reason to continue this horrible cycle, stopping this is actually good for everyone."

The voice answered " the real reason for your refusal is only because now that you know, the element of surprise disappeared. you are worried that now, a person with a need would always appear and while giving their need you would get yours in return for certain. This disappoints you."

I stutter" wh…no... thats ..that's not why"

"It is, I assure you this won't happen, as you remember, it never did. only now that you tasted damaged life you can't imagine life without fault.  You only get everything you want because of the cycle, if you stop, the pit won't give his presents.

 As to stopping the cycle – you already know it's impossible, if you won't, others will regardless ."

I decided to ignore this, I made up my mind. I love my life.

Days later

Right away I noticed that people don’t show up to my coffee shop as much, even if people come, they buy whatever they need and leave. Fine not a problem?

But there is a problem. My skin is peeling off, I was proud to be 30 years old who looks not older than 22, now it looks like I have a rash, bags under my eyes like I haven’t slept for years….starting to see some discoloration as well.

Partner left…said its time to move on or something. Whatever.

Now I learned I need to pay for rent on time, everyone used to be so patient with me I got what I asked without thinking about it , never in my life had to search for a parking spot, someone always cleared a spot for me, today I spent 3 hours of my just waiting in line …one for the bathroom the other was to buy groceries.

I always just needed to pick a partner they were all suitable. But now I barely meet someone single that has a normal attitude and a normal everything! Somehow their whole life is messed up.

 Hmm Now I understand it's kind of like me? Am I seen messed up?

It kills me that people used to come to me with those specific problems, I knew they were small troubles of every day nothing major! But its too much for me, I don’t know how to handle it, it's making me different. I mean my personality is different. who knew just a couple of days ago my life was amazing. I hate that I only had that because of this stupid cycle.

This means I felt no pain ever! I understood it in my head, but I can't cope really. I never really experienced life. Kwnjgvuldvgdfhbvdjfbv! This creature is just hiding somewhere in my head and doesn't feel a thing. Is it waiting for me to cave?

The worst part is I realize I want to ask for help. Never needed too. Usually, people came up to me with those specific silly problems!! "You can't wait in line too long? Sure, I'll make your coffee now run along…"I know where you can park nearby..."

I miss feeding of this. I miss getting what I want.

If I ask for help someone will get what I always had.

The reality sinks in , nothing is going to change and eventually someone will feed from me, because I need this outlet, the illusion my problems are fixed, just for them to get worse.

"True. Everything comes with a price. Are you willing to have this until your death?

Or live forever with everything we ever wanted?"

It's been a month. I hoped ill get used to having difficulties ….I guess I have decades to catch up. My nails are chopped the skin bruised. Can't stop biting on them…I have so much time since the corona epidemic. My store is closed so I'm losing my mind every day. how am I supposed to make a living like this? my friends are doing well. seems like everyone knows how to handle the stress. not me, I feel a need to distance myself from everyone and everything, the unknown terrifies me. I was always so sure.

I got up from the couch, walking through the room "why won't I live my perfect life? Who the hell cares, my suffering doesn’t change a thing here"

saying it out loud might ease my morals…

"Nobody else notices the tiniest problem is horrible! They can't tell anymore so might as well right? they don’t deserve to live prefect. peaceful... longer life …"

I fall back to my couth sighing. "especially if they don’t notice how wrong life is….gosh a stupid epidemic shutting the whole world down… no alarm bells?!?! " I sigh trying to answer for them in ridiculous voice "no that’s supperr normal……its just life ……heheh were going to be in history classes!" ….accident virus …yeah right, someone is enjoying from this for sure."

Just not me.

" I'm changing the life span while creating more problems insuring people suffer worse and worse, whatever they don’t even know! I'm probably not goona be a person anymore just like the creature…...hmm but when they experience pain, I feel so good its like all the good in the universe that was there leaves their body and comes to me surrounding me, taking care of me forever."

What if I just do the little suffering …ill avoid diseases but create everyday kind of problems….the coffee shop was perfect…I can think bigger getting to more people... writing? Journalism is pretty good …I might encounter diseases stories. Maybe I'll open a supermarket…."

Yeah, my morals are almost convinced.

Three years later

" …BTW this bath gives my body time to relax…. remember if you are relaxed your face will lookit . yeah, guys so that’s my morning routine on vac while working online on my business! Having responsibilities doesn't mean you can't enjoy your vacations. be sure to follow I always post on insta ... on a personal note I love answering your questions and giving you guys hacks and tips about … well I guess everything hahaha I have a bunch…. yall know I learned a thing or two from ………..

The end.