Sorrow and Sweethearts

Author Note: This doesn't fit this prompt very well but I wanted to publish it anyways.

The Air was wet.

The Night was dark.

The lights were bright

My heart was broken.

That's when I let it all go.

May 28th

The very last day of school had been looming over me for months. I liked the rigid schedules, the endless studying, and the social security of highschool. It was familiar, some would say normal. Until May, I hoped and prayed it would just pass by quietly. May didn't pass by as I had hoped. I gained and lost things during the thirty days that May existed. I gained a weekly visit to a psychologist. Then I lost him. I still can't believe I lost him.

May 2nd, that's when it happened. I remember every second of that day so vividly. I hardly left the hospital all week. He was there, but not really. I hadn't seen him in two years .Not the father I had grown to love so dearly. I saw him on May 2nd. He wasn't Papi anymore, he was just a shell. He was just breathing, until he wasn't.

Even though I knew it would happen. Any day, any moment. I still cried. I cried so much I couldn't eat. I just wanted Papi to be there to tell me it was okay. Not rotting in some stupid box like an old toy. Papi didn't want a funeral, they had one anyway. I'm fine, I swear I'm fine. I don't lie, I don't cry, I don't fail, that's what Papi would have wanted. Now summer sixteen can just float away into the distant banks of my soul where my childhood lives, that's all I want. To wallow, to be strong, and not to die. For Papi.

June 1st

June 1st, the day Mama told me about the new house, the  new town, this summer, she told me everything. On August 4th we would move to a new town, in Maine. Mama got a job there. I really didn't want to go. Everyone, Everything I have ever known is here. Even though I'm seventeen, still too young to live alone, not that I want a world without Mama in it always. So I will do it, move to Maine. Buy a jacket. Make new friends. Not that I ever had friends in the first place. They all left after middle school. The new house would be a three bedroom, one for guests, for Mama, and for Me. This is our life now. One without Papi in it. Just Estrella, and Mama, and Carina our old dog, But only if Mama says we can take her. I really don't want to live in a world without Carina either.

June 4th

We go to the beach house every summer. We started going when I was four. My parents wanted me to grow up with good summer memories. But it won't be the same this time. I have the islanders, it will be okay. Carmen, Andre, Freddie, and Estrella. In Summer Nine we started a band. "The Islanders." That is all we have been ever since. Papi was the first to call us that. He was always there at practices and when we had little concerts in the garage. Papi, my number one fan. The Islanders never stay in contact during the school year. Then the salty air comes and snatches us up, leaving us to believe no time has passed since last summer. It's comforting. It's confusing. But I am excited nevertheless.

We pack our things into our 2000 Cadillac Deville. The car my parents bought together when they were first married. When they first got to America. That's the one thing that's not changing. Memories live here. Momma shuts the trunk and hands me the keys. I slide in the driver's seat and rub the dust off the dash with my fingers. Momma starts her Menudo playlist. I pull out of the driveway. We arrive at 3:03 p.m. The Islanders are waiting outside the house. Looks of anticipation pasted on their faces.

"ELLA!!!" I open the car door and they all run to hug me.

"How are you?" I direct the question at Carmen. She goes on about school and her new boyfriend. I grab my suitcase and throw in a few uh-huhs to satisfy her.

"So how are you?" Carmen smiles. We walk into my room and I begin to unpack.

"I'm okay."

"How's Mr. Santos?" She blurts.

They don't know.

"Papi isn't here."

"Is he feeling okay?"

"HE'S DEAD! HE DOESN'T FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE!!" I scream, a sudden wave of anger and fear swallows me whole.

Carmen looks terrified.

"I'm sorry I yelled." I sigh.

She is silent, all I can hear is her muffled sobs.

June 5th

Carmen told the rest of them. They all know about Papi. I bring over some muffins to her house so she can stop thinking I am a total monster. At 10:24 a.m. Carmen and the rest of the gang come over. We just sit at the kitchen table in silence. But it is a nice silence. It isn’t quiet in my head. It couldn't  be louder. Intrusive thoughts try to consume my brain. I fight every little thought off like a knight fighting a dragon. After the silence I am so mentally exhausted I cry. In front of all the islanders I cry. So do they. Every last one of us is crying and holding hands, and binding souls, and hurting inside. But we've got each other, that's enough.

June 6th

Things could go back to normal now. They WOULD go back to normal now. The kids all go to Freddie's house for breakfast. We are already in our swimsuits. We have eggs and toast and talked about the events we have plan for today. Surfing and a picnic on the beach.

"Sounds Lovely." Mrs. Anderson announces as she enters the kitchen.

"It really does." Freddie happily sighs.

I look over at him. I really look. He looks so different. He has grown a few inches since last I saw him. His shoulders are broad and strong looking. I glance at each of the Islanders. We all have grown so much. I suddenly miss summer eight.

"Freddie has his boating license now." Mrs. Anderson laughs.

"Awesome!" Andre shouts. This is going to be a great day, I can just feel it.

Andre grabs all our plates and throws them in the sink. I pick up my beach bag and follow everyone out the door.

“BYE MRS. ANDERSON!” We all shout in unison.

Freddie leads the group down to the beach just a ways away from the houses. We set out our towels and surf boards and run out into the ocean. I let the water wash over me. I feel free. I feel good for the first time in a really long time. Carmen splashes me and we go back and forth for a while. Then we all surf or boogie board till we are exhausted and hungry. At last we return to the beach. 

Andre hands out our sandwiches. 

“Freddie, PBJ. Carmen, BLT. I get ham and cheese. Ella, Turkey Club.” Andre says matter of factly as we all receive our food. We also brought watermelon and some chips. Our favorite summer meal. Carmen talks about how her boyfriend is being dumb again and we all share looks of hidden laughter.

“Drake will be Drake.” Carmen sighs, finally finishing her hour-long rant.

“Boys.” I sigh.

“Hey!” Freddie throws a pool noodle at me.

“Oh you know I don’t mean you.” I laugh.

“I know, You loveee me!” Freddie says sarcastically.

“Do not!” I shoot back.

“Do too!” 

We argue in good fun for a little while and then head back out to the water to look for seashells. We decide to go home at 5:12 p.m. Five hundred and twelve, Freddie's favorite number.

June 10th

The last few days have been pure bliss. No darkness looming in every corner. No intrusive thoughts. No crying, just easy. It’s like how it used to be. I woke up to hear the rain against the house. I sigh, the Islanders had planned to go out on the boat today. Oh well, plan b. I remember the rainy day bucket list I always keep in the dresser. I get it out and skim through. Board Games, Cocoa, Dancing in Puddles, Ultimate Hide and Seek. All of the dreams and fantasies of a young version of myself. The ideas aren’t bad though. I guess it’s better than nothing. I text the group chat and tell them to all come over to my house. I hear the doorbell and open it. 

“Come on in, Freddie.”

“So, what are all the magical plans you have for the day?” He jokes.

“Oh you know, just the average dragon taming and epic battle or two.” I shoot back sarcastically.

“Clever.” Freddie Chuckles.

“You want me to make some Cocoa?” We both say in unison.

“Great minds think alike.” Freddie laughs.

“You get out a few board games from the cupboard. I will handle the beverages.” I respond.

The rest of the clan arrives within the next fifteen minutes. We start off with Clue. Andre won. Professor Plum, in the lounge, with the dagger. Andre is a master of board games. We won pretty much every game after that. Monopoly, Candy Land, Uno, The Game of Life, and Twister. The only game that Andre didn’t win was Pictionary. Andre’s Art skills are seriously lacking. Freddie and I won that round. 

“One to Six.” Freddie Sighs.

“I’ve got zero to six.” Carmen says while she puts her empty cup in the sink. Cocoa Finished, Board games played. Just Hide and Seek and Puddle Dancing Left.

“We should play hide and seek.” I suggest.

‘What are you, twelve?” Carmen jokes

“Sounds fun to me.” Freddie pipes up.

“Okay, but can I seek? I hate hiding in the dark.” Complains Andre.

“Okay, fine.” 

He starts to count.

“One, Two, Three…” The sound drifts away as I examine the house looking for the perfect spot. 

“Found it.” I whisper as I climb into the old reading nook. 

I hear breathing. “Hello?”

“Dang it!” The voice shout-whispers. 

I see Freddie peek out from behind the rocking chairs.

“Can I hide here too?” I mutter.

“Yeah I guess.”

I crawl back where Freddie is. Were so close we could kiss.  Did I just think-

“Ready or not, here I commeeee!!” Andre announces. I hear footsteps and Freddie pulls me closer. I feel his warm breath on my neck and my shoulders tense up. 

Andre paces around the room then the footsteps distance themselves. Freddie loosens his grip.

“What do you wanna bet Carmen hid in a closet?” Freddie whispers jokingly.

I snicker. “95% chance.” 

“Darn it!” I hear Carmen yell. 

“Really? A closet?” Andre announces.

We can’t help it. Freddie and I make eye contact and start laughing. It isn’t even that funny. But eventually we are laughing so loud Andre finds us. We couldn’t stop for a good 10 minutes.

“What’s so funny?” Carmen wonders.

“Closet.” 

“You!” We both manage between laughs. Once we finally stop Freddie brings up the last bucket list item.

“Are you guys ready to dance in puddles and fulfill our childhood dreams?” Freddie asks anticipatedly.

“I don’t wanna get wet.” Andre complains.

“Me either.” Carmen agrees.

“You up for it, Santos?” Freddie directed the question at me.

“It’s my bucket list after all.” I respond swiftly.  I grab my frog rain boots and yellow jacket. 

Freddie opens the door and gestures to the porch. 

“Your loss!”  I yell to Carmen and Andre as I step outside.

The rain feels so good. It soaks my hair and skin as I jump and spin happily.

Freddie joins me, he is wearing his navy rain coat he has had since we were fourteen. It doesn’t really fit; it only covers half of his arms.  He spins me in and out as we dance in the rain. I’ve never felt so free. 

Freddie pulls me to his chest. I feel his heartbeat. It’s fast, melodic, and calm all at once

“Can I kiss you?” His comment catches me off guard.

But still all I can think to say is “Yes.”

He kisses me. It is soft and beautiful. I hear a symphony playing against the sound of rain surrounding us. I look to the side and see Papi. I see Papi? He holds an umbrella over our heads. Smiles at us with a proud expression on his face. Maybe this is all a dream. I kiss him again just to be sure. I look to the side and Papi is gone. I look up at Freddie. He smiles down at me. I hugged him, hard.

“Are you okay?” He says concern in his voice. 

“I think I am now.”

August 5th

Freddie and I have been together since that rainy day in June.

I still have everything on my shoulders, Papi’s death, the move, long distance, and the fact I am never gonna come back here. Really everything that is going to happen when I go back to school in two weeks. Reality is coming, fast. I let a single tear trace my cheek as I pack away my summer clothes and polaroid's. My friends had come into my room quietly.

“Did Momma let you in?” I sniffle. I say it without turning to look at them

“Hey. It’s gonna be okay.” Carmen comes up to hug me.

“We love you.” Andre smiles, as he joins the hug. 

“So much.” Freddie says at last as he joins the hug. We stood there for a moment hugging, misty eyed. It was like this almost every summer. 

Then they finally let go. I ran out of the house to the beach. I feel myself fall onto the sand. I stare at the stars. It is utterly silent other than the gentle breeze and the ocean beside me. I let myself cry, I am not sure if the tears are happy or sad anymore.

The Air was wet.

The Night was dark.

The lights were bright

My heart was broken.

That's when I let it all go.

I’m not afraid anymore.