First Day
Hazel stood outside Danny’s Diner, running her hands down the pretty pale pink uniform and white apron to smooth out the creases. Of course, there were no creases. It was her nerves she was trying to smooth out. She had lived in this small town all her life and she loved it. She always felt safe. Everyone looked out for her, not just her three brothers. But that was also the problem. Everything she did was under scrutiny from everyone, and today was her first day at work. She took a deep breath when a voice came from behind.
‘Everything will be fine once you step inside. We are all happy to have you on board. We definitely need the extra hand now that Joanna has left to be with her family.’
Hazel looked up into the eyes of the man she had called dad for the last eighteen years and smiled.
‘I know, it is just I know nothing about the other side of the counter.’ She knew everything about the food and the people working there, and even the customers. But she knew nothing about serving or running a till or keeping the salt and pepper and paper napkins and sauces filled. ‘What if I make a mistake?’
‘Honey, we all make mistakes. Julie will be by your side for the complete day and tomorrow if need be. You pick everything up so quickly. I doubt you will need help after the lunch rush, but it will be there, anyway.’ Danny smiled down at his only daughter and opened the door.
Julie walked up and greeted Hazel, and nodded her hello to Danny. Cookie was behind the kitchen hutch getting everything ready for breakfast. Donna walked in behind them and walked out into the kitchen to help there. Hazel was worried that they would think she only got the job because Danny was her father, but no-one said a word regarding why she was here. They all greeted her like they did every other morning. It didn’t take long for Julie to walk her through the daily routines and get her started getting the tables and counter ready. And then came the morning diners.
‘Mornin’ Hazel, good to see you. Bring me breakfast, would ya?’ Matt Donavon said as he sat at the counter. He came in at the same time every morning and had the same meal. Cookie and Donna already had it cooking, and it was ready as he sat down. Julie just had to hand across the plate and fill his coffee cup. Hmmm, she thought to herself, this is easy. But then George and Brenda entered. George was another diner who had the same thing every day, but Brenda could never make her mind up and it could be very exasperating. Now Hazel was finding out just how bad it was when you were waiting to take the order, while watching the place filling up with people. Julie raised her eyebrows, but said nothing. Julie nodded to Hazel and then went off to take some more orders. Hazel waited patiently.
‘How about today’s special? Lamb’s fry with eggs, tomato and mushrooms. Fresh from Mr Halorans butchers.’ Hazel said to Brenda.
‘Well, I’m not sure. That might be a little too much.’ Hazel sighed.
‘I’m sure Cookie can do a slightly smaller plate for you dear.’ Said George, smiling at his wife.
‘Well, if you think so dear,’ and Hazel wrote it down and raced off before she could change her mind again. She came back with the coffee pot and the salt and pepper. The place was buzzing now as it filled up with the morning crowd, and there was no time to think about anything but her job. Then the door burst open and a stranger walked into the diner. He was tall and wore dark clothing, boots, and a Stetson hat, but what Julie saw next made her heart skip a beat. He was wearing a bandana over his nose and mouth, not around his neck. Then they all saw it. A gun. You could hear a pin drop. But then Mavis piped up and her voice seemed to echo around the entire diner. Almost like a whip cracking, everyone else in the place jumped.
‘What is it Harold?’ Mavis had her back to the door, and she was as deaf as a post. Harold took his wife’s hands in his and just motioned to her to hush.
‘Don’t hush me, Harold. I want to know what is happening.’ Mavis would not be silenced this morning. That was, until the gunman walked up beside her and put the gun where she could see it.
‘Oh!’ That was it. Silence.
‘Now that I have your attention,’ the gunman said, ‘I want you to carry on as usual, while I go sit in the back booth. I’ll have some bacon and eggs and a black coffee and I will sit with that couple.’ He pointed to George and Brenda, who were in the very last booth. ‘I expect you all to act normal when the police get here. I will just be another customer, got it?’ Everyone nodded. Hazel walked him back to George and Brenda. ‘I’ll sit beside the lovely lady. Thank you, on the inside next to the wall.’ He looked at George. ‘And don’t forget I have this. She will be the first to get shot if any of you say or do anything untoward.’
Brenda was so taken aback she was frozen in her seat, but he took her by the arm and brought her out of the seat as he slid in and then pulled her in after himself. ‘I believe there was more conversation going on when I walked in. That would be expected.’ He lowered his bandana to his neck, but also lowered the brim of his hat at the same time. His face was still hidden. ‘Talk people.’ He almost shouted at everyone. Hazel walked on wobbly legs as she put his plate down in front of him and poured coffee. She was grateful that Cookie was not fazed by any of it and made the food quick smart. Luckily, George and Brenda’s breakfasts were also ready, and she brought them over next. She heard him say quietly as she walked away from the booth, ‘Eat.’
The conversation level was just ramping up to normal when the door swung open again and a state trooper walked in the door. Hazel had seen him come through this way a few times, so he was not a total stranger. The conversations became hushed as he sat down at the counter.
‘Well, on the other side of the counter now are you?’ he said to Hazel as she asked him what he would like.
‘Yes,’ she answered meekly.
He smiled, ‘First day I’m guessing.’
‘Yes,’ Hazel was too nervous about the stranger to be talkative.
‘So, did Joanna have her baby yet?’ he asked.
‘No.’
‘Wow. You really are green. Oh Well, I guess you will get a little better at conversation, once you have settled in.’ and with that, he picked up his knife and fork and cut into the eggs on toast. Then, he stopped eating as he realised the place was quieter than the last time he was here, and it was packed with people. He twisted in his seat to look everything over as the noise level lifted again. Oh well, he thought to himself, maybe it was just because I’m not a regular. He nodded to a couple of people who just turned away and went back to their food or coffee. He shrugged his shoulders and did the same.
‘Hi Dan, how are you? You haven’t been passed in a while.’ Julie walked up beside the trooper. ‘Want a refill on your coffee, honey?’
‘Yes, thanks. Glad to see a smiling face. Everyone is a bit sour today.’ And he laughed at his own joke.
‘Yeah, we are waiting on some rain. We are farmers, you know. Can’t grow if the rain don’t come. My Wally is tryin’ to get extra water rations from the council. Not a lot to be happy about right now.’ He instantly knew something was wrong. This town was filled with ranchers, not farmers, and Julie wasn’t married. He had tried asking her out a few times. So he finished up his meal and coffee. Paid the bill and left. But, he didn’t go far. He pulled the car out of sight and called for backup. Then he waited. Sure enough, about thirty minutes later, a man fitting the description of a wanted bank bandit walked out into the car park. The trooper quietly came up behind him and put his gun between the bandit’s shoulder blades.
‘You’re under arrest,’ and the bandit groaned. He didn’t resist and backup had arrived only minutes before. They were all glad they did not end up with a hostage situation.
‘How did you know?’ when he was handcuffed and in the car.
‘Well, you’re not a local and so the waitress told me you were there.’
‘I never heard her say anything like that.’ He frowned at the trooper.
‘Buddy, this town is home to ranchers, not farmers, and Julie doesn’t have a husband, so you were the “Wally” she was telling me about. And we’ve just had torrential rain for the last week, this is the first fine day there has been. So you were trying to get something that was not yours.’
‘You got all that from what she said?’
‘You have to know the people and the area. They will not go quietly, ever.’ Trooper Dan smiled at the comment. He really did like everyone from this little haven. He might even move here once he retired. The roadside diner was only one of the many delights the little town offered.
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6 comments
I really like the set-up to this story, and it has a good sense of voice to it. If I had to give some constructive criticism I would say remember to use quote marks to denote speech. Also, it seems unusual that the bank robber would announce his presence to the whole diner. Maybe it would have been better if he had walked in quietly and sat with George and Brenda, then Hazel spots the gun that he is hiding under the table, and is able to alert the trooper. Just a suggestion, anyway. Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you for your kind words, however, I would like to point out that there are quotes around every piece of speech (I went back and checked...lol). And yes, it can be unusual for a bandit to announce himself, that was my intention, to have Hazel unable to function under the strain but have Julie alert the trooper as she was an old hand and nothing surprised her anymore. I am glad you like it. Feedback is the one thing we don't get enough of. Our friends would never tell us there was anything wrong.
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this is an inverted comma: ‘ this is a quotation mark: “
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Hi, I thought as you did in all of my stories, this is how I would write any speech. However, in 2019 I sent a manuscript in to a professional editing team and got back a massive amount of changes. My heart sank until I realised that the majority of the changes were in fact the following, and I quote them:- Use single quotation marks for direct speech or a quote, and double quotation marks for direct speech or a quote within that. In addition, a comma precedes a name in a direct address, and the punctuation is placed within the dialogue. So...
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Nice story, I read the whole thing with interest. One suggestion, though. You switch from having the 3rd person narrator closely tied with the main character of Hazel, only knowing things Hazel would know. But by the end, that 3rd person narrator is gets tied to the trooper instead, and tells us things he did that the narrator at the start couldn't possibly know. Do you know that I mean? Anyway, great job, I enjoyed the story.
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Thanks for the feedback. And no I didn't realise that I switched personas.... oops.
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