Paradise Lost

TW: death (discussed, no description)

Spring. The season of blossoms, beautiful flowers, a warming sun, awakening the grass that appears after the snow has melted. A time associated with the beginning of life, joy, and beauty. In the middle of a forest, where the snow hasn’t yet fully melted, where the trees block the sunshine, much appreciated in the summer, but a bit cool in the spring, there we find a cottage, next to a partially frozen river. Around the house we see wooden sculptures, artwork made from the wood of the forest, and proof of the skills of the dwellers of this house. The cottage, built with wood, still young, the tree next to it stretching towards the sun. Within the cottage, we see wooden furniture, all of it unique. A fireplace stands in one room, a small fire crackling: it is obvious to us that here, we are in the living room, the centre of life in this cottage. On a comfortable looking bed we see two people, covered by a blanket that was diligently knitted. The sun rays do not yet reach their windows, as the sun is still too low. Upon closer inspection, we see a man lying in the arms of another person, a woman. Her eyes are damp. It looks as though she’s been holding back her tears. He turns around, and within moments of their gazes meeting each other, tears flow from her eyes. A shadow of sadness appears over his face. “Ayla,” he says, softly wiping her tears out of her face. Her tears continue flowing, and it seems as though he’d never wiped them away in the first place. “I – can’t do it," Ayla sobbed, “I don’t – want to – I don’t – like – I just – I can’t! Grey!,” every word she wants to say seems to make her feel as though she won’t be able to stop crying. Grey caresses her face affectionately, his eyes not yet as damp as hers. He softly puts his hand on her cheek, holding her face, and looking at her eyes. “It’s not your fault,” he says, smiling weakly. “We knew, it would end like this. At least, we enjoyed our last time together.” Ayla violently shakes her head. “Grey! Have you ever lost someone?,” she cries. Grey stops focusing on her, and his eyes wander towards the floor. A silent no. “I... Grey! I don’t want to lose you,” Ayla grabs his hand, pressing it against her face. He lays his arm around her, pulling her closer and letting her cry while he caresses her back. The sun rises. The fireplace radiates warmth to the still cold room. The burning wood crackles.

After a long silence, Grey speaks again. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone,” he whispers. Ayla moves, trying to look at his face, trying to tell him, “No! Save your energy!”, but her voice won’t come out, and Grey pulls her closer, squeezing her with one arm as if to say that it is his turn to speak, and her time to be held. “I don’t really know what death is. I never expected to die. I didn’t even know that was possible.” Ayla sobs. She’d always known he was an immortal being. Or that he should have been. How was it fair, that an immortal God now had to die? Her tears continue flowing out. This time, Grey loosens his grip and looks at her face, a weak smile forming despite the watery eyes. “Without death, I would never have learnt what life really is,” his weak smile faltering while he clearly tries to hold back his tears. Ayla shakes her head. “But live! Live with me! Live until it is time for both of us!,” she cries, knowing as well as he does that she is asking for the impossible. “I wish I could,” he whispers. “I just feel my time coming closer. I know there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Really, I…I wish I could. It seems I cannot just not die,” he mumbles, looking towards the window, as if might have the answer.

Ayla giggles softly. Her tears seem to have stopped for a bit. “Huh? How did that make you laugh?,” he asks surprised. She answers by softly caressing his face. “Honestly, you’re the only one to say something like that. Of course you can’t just not die, but nobody would ever say that. Except for you, of course,” she smiles at him through her puffy eyes, and snuggled up against him. “Why ever did I fall for you if I always had to lose you? I just want to continue living by your side,” Ayla mumbled. Grey caresses her shoulders. “I know,” he says, kissing her forehead. “But it was beautiful. Even if I knew from the start that I’d have to die, I would choose you again and again.”

Ayla looks up at his face, her eyes once again filled with tears. His face seems to blur, and Ayla wipes her tears off again, but it is no use. “Grey, I,” she looks away, then puts her hand on his chest, looking up again. “I’d choose you again and again, even if I knew I’d always have to lose you, even if I knew I’d have to live the rest of my life without you! Even if it were the last time that I’d ever love someone, I’d choose you again!”

Grey smiles at her softly, caressing her face. “Ayla, I don’t want you to give up your own future for me. We always thought you were the one leaving sooner, and I’d be the one left behind. We always thought I was immortal. Now, you’ll outlive me. Please, do me this one favour,” he lifts her chin, looking deep into her eyes, “Live for me, Ayla,” he whispers. At once, his eyes fill with tears.

Ayla hugs him tightly. “Grey, I’ll keep you in my heart, no matter what Is happening! Even if – even if you shouldn’t be immortal,” she squeezes him harder, “I will keep you in my heart! Even if – you leave – this earth – physically,” Ayla takes a deep breath, trying to not interrupt herself with her sobs, “you will stay immortal in my heart!”, Grey squeezes her. “I will never leave you, even when I die”, he whispers. Their life together comes to mind. The small and big differences at the beginning. How they’d managed to come together despite the obstacles, despite the ones against it. How they’d repaired this cottage together, how they’d decorated it together. How at the very beginning, he’d thought he’d never develop feelings, because love between Gods and humans was not only inappropriate, but rather doomed to fail, the Gods more powerful than humans, and the humans would die, while the Gods would move forward for eternity. A lonely eternity awaiting him, an immortal God. This is what he’d always believed. It seemed that it would not come to that. “Oh, what would I have given to live a full life with you? Being by your side until we both die?,” he whispers, unable to speak. Ayla squeezes him again. There is no need for further words.

After a while, Ayla looks up. “Grey,” she whispers, her voice breaking. “Could we – could we talk about our time together? When my grandpa died, it helped me a lot to talk about the memories I have of him. You’ll survive as a memory too, right? Please, stay with me”, she sinks her face into his chest and squeezes him again. Grey smiles, while he hugs her tightly in return. Then, he starts telling the story of how they met – their story – from his point of view.

The day is over. Grey knows that this is his last day. He puts his arm around Ayla’s shoulders and looks at her with worry in his eyes. “This is the last time that we fall asleep together.”

Ayla nods, her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want to fall asleep if it means waking up without you.”

Grey looks at her eyes, noticing not for the first time, but maybe for the last time, how beautiful they are. He nods. “I understand. I don’t want to ever wake up without you, either.” Ayla kisses his forehead. “If this is how you want to die, then I will allow you this last wish.”

Grey nods again. Both of them snuggle up to each other for the last time. “I love you, Grey”, Ayla whispers. Grey nods and kisses her forehead in return. “I love you too, Ayla”, he responds.

And they both fall asleep.