Thank you

Dear God: Thank you for accepting me into your home. I was told that you were very generous, but honestly, I never would have imagined that you would reward me in this way. I'll write to you as much as I can, I promise. I wanted to tell you that I already received my baptism. It was a very impressive ceremony. You've probably already seen it, so I don't need to describe it. I thought it was a good gesture that they disinfected the needles before sticking them in my body. I can take the pain, but the thought of dirt on my body is something that could make me sleepless. And although I couldn't see my godfather because he was blindfolded at the time, I trust he was someone very respectable. From today, I answer to the name of Merceire. I may not remember my old name, but it doesn't matter. Honestly, I don't remember anything before I met you. And that's fine. It's no use clinging to the past, besides, I doubt very much that a life without you is worth remembering. All I can think about is the fate that awaits me. The destiny I have as Merceire. I promise I will never forget that name. It is marked on my skin, on the back of my right hand, just like all the other children here. Now that I'm like them, maybe we could get along better...wait, don't get me wrong. I am not complaining. I repeat, I really like being here. There is good food, we have classes where we learn very interesting things, we are very protected and we dance at night. I wouldn't leave here even if I could. But something I learned in class is the importance of being honest with you, so I'm going to say it: I think there is something that keeps other children away from me. They always keep a certain distance from me and speak to me only when necessary. They look at me and then whisper things in each other's ears.

I didn't get it. We're all supposed to be siblings here. We will spend the rest of our lives together. Some of us may even have children and our children will also have children with each other. I think you would like that.

At first, I assumed the stares were due to the mark on my neck, the one that goes all the way around it like a necklace and hurts when I tilt it too far. It is a mark of a very dark purple, almost black. When I asked the elders about it, they told me it was just something I had always had. If I had been born with it, it wouldn't have to be a bad thing. God, I know that you have created everything in the world and that each of your creations has a purpose. Surely you had a reason to make me born like that, that's why I don't reject that mark. Probably no one would. So if we can all agree to that, there's nothing wrong with my neck.

So, I guessed that maybe it was simply due to the fact that I didn't have a name yet, or a mark to indicate it. Maybe they just wouldn't see me as a sibling until it was "official". After all, it hasn't been long since I arrived, while others, as far as I know, were born here. I trust that things will change tomorrow now that I have received my baptism. I may not have many memories in this place, but I know I belong here.

There is something else I want to let you know. Lately, my dreams haven't been very good. I think if this continues like this, I'm going to start being afraid to sleep. I don't know what exactly happens in these dreams…in these nightmares, I mean. Most of the time, they feel all too real. They all start with me in a dark place. Very dark. All I know is that I feel a very thick and hot liquid in my throat. I'm not swallowing it, it's on my skin. I want to move or scream, but it's impossible. I hear screams in the distance, repeating a word I've never heard anyone say. So, there are steps. Many steps. I could swear there is more than one person. The screaming intensifies, followed by crying. Suddenly, a pair of arms jerks me up.

That's when I wake up. I thought maybe I should tell someone...and I realized I couldn't. Other children aside, the people here have been very kind to me. I don't want to scare them. And now that I can finally write to you, I hope you can make it stop. My life is good here, I won't let it become a nightmare. I trust you, God. Not this life.

On the other hand, I have good news. I've been thinking about what I might do when I grow up. I already have an idea: I imagine that it would be very good to invite more people to live with us. I know how it feels to be the new one, I would welcome you all with open arms. Surely, they would like to stay that way. Or even if they didn't want to, we could just bring them here and that's it. I may not know how I got here, but that doesn't mean I want to leave. No one who sees this place would want to, because a better life begins here. Who knows what will be out there? Maybe I don't remember because I don't want to remember. As simple as that.

No matter what nightmares or problems I have fitting in, at least I know that my life as a Merceire will not be bad by your side. Thanks for the name. Thanks for the home. Thanks for the new opportunity. Thanks for communicating with me.

Thanks God. Thank you an awful lot.