One-Sided

The video chat jingle rings again, so I smooth down some flyaway hairs using the camera on my phone while I wait for Steph to answer. I’m about to end the call when my face finally minimizes and a dark screen greets me.

“Steph?” I can hear distant laughter and the kind of jostling sounds that remind me of a toddler running away with Mom’s phone. Did she butt-answer me? Is that a thing? Is that even possible? I mean really though, if anyone were to find a way to butt-answer a video call, it would be this girl.

Stephanie and I have been friends since Kindergarten, and we’ve gone through all of our biggest moments in life together. I introduced her to her fiancé, she was the maid of honor at my wedding. I sat front and center at her college graduation, she used that degree to help me get my business up and running. We’ve been together through thick and thin, so of course she’s the first person I think to call when I win a social media giveaway with tickets to see our favorite band in concert next month.

I try calling her name again, louder this time. “Steph!”

Finally, the image brightens as my best friend pulls the phone from whatever hole I’d been stuffed in, and I realize she’s in a car with someone. “Hey Emma, what’s up?”

I can’t tell who is in the driver’s seat, but it doesn’t matter. Steph is going to flip!

“Girl, clear your calendar, because your bestie just got two tickets to the concert next month!” I squeal, waiting for her reaction. But instead of the utter delight and matching squealing I expect from Steph, her eyes dart to the driver beside her and she lets out a low sound of…disappointment?

“Stephanie? I won that contest. I got us tickets.” I repeat, my smile melting as a sinking feeling pulls my heart to my gut. “Why you look like I made you an appointment for a root canal?”

“Yeah, no, I mean…” Stephanie looks back to me and shifts in her seat, pulling the seat belt away from her chest to reposition it. “Hayley actually already bought us tickets last week.”

“Hey Ems, sorry girl!” I hear Hayley from across the car, internally cringing at the nickname she’s decided she gets to use. “I bet you could talk Ricky in to a date night though.” The camera pans from Stephanie over to Hayley; the now identified driver. “You guys don’t get out enough. I’ll be fun!”

Because of course Hayley got two tickets and didn’t think about including me. It hurts that Stephanie would have taken her up on the tickets though because I thought this was our favorite band. Ever since Hayley was hired on as the marketing assistant at Steph’s office last year, they’ve been hanging out a lot more.

I mean, I’m super happy that Steph has a friend at work, but I’m starting to feel a bit left out. Sometimes I even wonder if Hayley does things to try and drive a wedge between us. I do work a lot; it’s hard keeping my little boutique open though and I’m my only full-time employee. Stephanie helped me at first but she’s moved on to bigger things that utilize her degree more and pay way better, which I totally can’t fault her for.

“Um, yeah, for sure. I bet Ricky would have fun.” I try and force cheeriness into my tone but it falls flat even to my own ears.

The video shifts again and Stephanie is back. “Emma I’m so sorry. I would have told you but I figured you’d be working and I didn’t want to rub it in your face. Tickets were expensive and I know you’re pouring a lot into the store right now.”

I nod and wave her off with my free hand. “Hey it’s fine. I’ll go with Ricky. It’ll be good! We should get dinner or drinks before the concert. I’ll text you. I didn’t realize you were busy, sorry, I’ll go. Text you later.” I jab the end call button and toss my phone to the couch.

“Fucking Hayley.” I grumble, my heart clear down to my downstairs neighbor’s apartment at this point. I’ve gone from shaking with excitement to heavy with what honestly feels like heartbreak. Maybe that’s dramatic but this is the first time we are going to see what, again, I thought was our favorite band, but Steph is going without me.

I let out a huff as I plop onto the couch beside my phone. It’s not like I have a right to be possessive of all Stephanie’s firsts. Sure we have been best friends for basically forever, but we’re grown adults now. She is allowed to have other friends and do things with said friends. I mean, I kind of wish that I still got to be involved with the things she does with the new friends, but hey, that’s fine. Right?

So why do I feel like I’ve been shoved to the sidelines? Sent to pasture? Traded in for a new model?

The front door swings open and my husband tosses his keys on the entry table as he closes it behind him. “Hey, Bug. I wasn’t expecting you home yet. Is Mandy working at the shop today?”

“Yeah, she’s getting in some hours in before spring break. Apparently, her parents booked them a cruise this year.”

Ricky walks up to me and braces himself against the back of the couch with a hand on either side of my head. “Another one?” he asks before planting a kiss on my forehead. “Are they looking to adopt because I’m available.”

I chuckle lightly and pull him down for a quick kiss on the lips. “I’ll be sure to ask.”

After the kiss, Ricky slides down onto the couch beside me and turns to look at me more intently. “Didn’t win the giveaway?” he guesses, seeing my sour mood.

“Actually, I did.” I correct him, forcing that fake smile again. “I already called Steph but she already has tickets. With Hayley.”

Ricky deflates and reaches over to rest a hand on my thigh. “Babe I’m sorry, I know how excited you were to go do this with her. I’m getting kinda fed up with her doing shit like this to you though.”

I stiffen and pull my leg away. “What do you mean, shit like this? Shit like what?” I snap.

“No, Em. I mean like…” he trails off, seeming to search for a way to backpedal before he finds himself on my shit list. “I mean it just doesn’t really seem like she takes your feelings into account.”

Immediately I jump onto the defensive. “Steph is my best friend. She always takes my feelings into account. She knew the shop has been busy and it’s not like she bought the tickets herself. Hayley bought them and invited her. I mean I’m not her only friend. I don’t own her, Ricky, she can have other friends.”

Ricky pulls his hand back and seems to surrender. “That’s true. But Emma, when’s the last time she did invite you to do something?”

I open my mouth and find I don’t have an answer immediately ready. I have to think for a second before I remember she invited me to lunch last week when her plans fell through with Hayley.

Oh.

But last month we went shopping to find a housewarming gift for her cousin. Not a big girls’ night out on the town though I suppose.

“Emma I hate seeing you hurt every time Stephanie lets you down. It’s been this way for years and it’s not fair to you.” Ricky reaches towards my hand slowly, as if I’m a stray dog. “You do so much for her, but this best friend thing feels so one sided.”

I suck in a breath to protest, but is he wrong though? She was the maid of honor at my wedding, but she hasn’t even asked me to be a bridesmaid in hers yet. I mean, I’m sure she’ll ask me to be matron of honor, but it’s still weird she hasn’t yet. I cheered for her when she walked across the stage at her college graduation, but she missed the grand opening of my boutique. And sure, she used help me get my business off the ground as part of one of her business class projects, but she would have totally helped me even if it wasn’t for school, right?

No, Ricky is just getting into my head when I’m already in a bad headspace. This isn’t the time to have this conversation, and he doesn’t know Stephanie like I do. “You’re wrong. She’s a great friend.” My voice lacks any conviction though, and I struggle to even believe myself.

-------

The day before the concert, my phone buzzes with a text from Stephanie. We haven’t talked much since she told me she was going with Hayley, so I’m hoping this is to set up plans to meet for dinner or something beforehand.

Steph

Hey! Great news. I can take your xtra ticket tomorrow! So excited to go to the concert wu

My pulse thunders with excitement for a moment, until I see the messages above this newest one. The ones where she left me on read. The messages asking about concert outfits and should we do dinner or drinks or both and if we could carpool even though we had different seat sections and the one about my new social media manager doing a kick ass job getting the boutique’s name out there.

She didn’t answer any of them except maybe with ‘Yeah!’ or an emoji.

“This best friend thing feels so one sided.” Ricky’s words bounce in my head in time with my pulse. Even our text messages are one sided. I’m putting forth all the effort, and Ricky’s right. It’s not fair.

Steph has always been my go-to for everything. She’s always been my first choice. When I get good news, I want to call her. When I need a shoulder, I call her. When I want advice, she’s the one I call.

I close out of my text messages and pull up my call log. Of course, the majority of calls between us are outgoing; I call her, but she doesn’t call me.

She’s my first choice, but there’s no way I’m hers.

All of our shared history rams into me as my rose-colored lenses fall and I realize what while I’ve always given everything to Stephanie, she only has ever given me the scraps. Suddenly, I feel like I just read a breakup text instead.

I can sense Ricky behind me before I feel his hands slide across my shoulders. “Stephanie wants my other ticket now.” I tell him.

“Are you going to give it to her? I can go hang out with the guys instead if you want to take her. That was your original plan.” he asks. There’s no judgement in his tone, but maybe a little disappointment.

I type, delete, type, delete. Obviously, something happened with her and Hayley, or at least with their tickets. I wasn’t good enough to go to the concert with last week. She doesn’t deserve to go with me now.

Me

I don’t have an extra ticket

I’m through being her number two. I’m finished being her backup plan when things fall through. I’m worthy of being someone’s first choice.

Our friendship was one based on convenience and her needs, but I’m over that. I finally realize that Hayley was never the problem. If it hadn't been Hayley, then it would have been an Olivia or a Brenda or a Marie or insert literally anyone. The problem is Steph, and acknowledging that is bittersweet.

“No.” I lock my phone and slide it into my pocket as I turn in my husband’s arms and smile at him. “I’m not her backup plan anymore.”