Little Miss "Perfect"

Opening my front door, I stepped into my house, dragging my feet along the cold wooden floor. As I took off my shoes, my mother came downstairs.

“Why did you come home so late?” She asked me. “It’s past your curfew! You should have called.”

I spun around and opened the closet where the shoes are stored, taking off my sneakers and placing them on the metal rack. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be, Amanda. We have church in the morning, we have to be up early.”

“I know, I know.”

“Well clearly you don’t.” She put her hand out as I turned to face her. “Give me your phone.”

“Mom-”

“Now!”

Without any more hesitation, I took my phone out of my pocket and placed it in her hand, staring at the pink phone case as she spoke again, but I didn’t hear her. I simply nodded and walked to my room, locking the door behind me. I changed into my pajamas and strolled to my bed, stopping at the wooden shelf mounted above my desk that displayed awards, every award that you could think of from track, cheer, DECA, poetry, and awards for my good grades.

I was so burnt out.

Without warning, the doorknob started to turn. In panic, I threw myself onto my bed only to realize my mother was charging at me. Oh gosh, what now?

“Who were you with?”

Oh no. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Amanda. What boy were you with?”

What was she talking about? “I honestly have no clue what you are speaking of.”

“Yes you do, young lady.” She pulled out a phone from her back pocket, my phone. “Fine then. If you won’t tell me, I’ll simply check your phone.”

Silence.

“Fess up, or else I go through it.” She spoke again.

More silence.

“Alright then.” She opened my phone. I felt like I was going to explode. Why did she think I was hanging out with a boy, and why does she care?

Is it even worth it to ask her?

My mother’s eyes widened. “Who’s this?”

Glancing at my phone, she opened up a message that was pinned on my phone. “That’s just Cassie.”

“Just Cassie?” She asked. “If it’s just Cassie, then why is there a heart next to her name?”

“Friends do that, Mom.”

“Well yes, but a red heart?”

My heart stopped. “What does it matter?”

“It matters a great deal, Amanda.”

“She’s just a friend, Mom.”

“She better be just a friend.”

“What are you accusing me of?”

“I’m accusing you of having a girlfriend.” She hollered.

“Why are you screaming?”

“Because this cannot be tolerated!” She said, “You cannot have a girlfriend!”

“What makes you think that I do have one?”

“I saw you.”

Silence. “What?”

“I saw you yesterday at cheer practice with Cassie.” She sighed. “I saw you kissing her.”

“People kiss their friends-”

“Enough lying, Amanda! Be straight with me!”

“Fine!” I shouted. “I am dating her. I’ve been dating her for months, and it’s been great-”

“Oh don’t you say that to me.” Mom screamed. “We must get rid of this.”

My heart shattered and my voice cracked. “What?”

“You heard me.” Mom said. “This will not be in my household.”

“How is this my fault?”

“Are you being serious, Amanda?” She shouted. “This whole thing is your fault.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” I felt tears stream down my face. “I cannot control who I love, no one can! None of this is my fault!”

“Amanda-”

“Be quiet.” I snapped. “None of this is my fault. I didn’t have a choice in any of this. You don’t know what it’s like.”

“Excuse me?”

“You want me to be this perfect girl.” I argued and pointed at the shelf with all of my achievements. “Captain of the cheer squad was your dream. You wanted me to win all of those trophies.”

“It was for your future!”

“I am so burnt out, Mom!” I shouted. “I am sixteen years old, I haven’t even gotten halfway through my junior year of high school and I already feel like I want to drop out because of you!”

Mom laughed. “Oh please, you won’t do that.”

“Are you seriously laughing right now?” I said. “I just told you that I have feelings for a girl, and you're laughing?”

“I’m laughing at the fact that you think you’re going to date her.”

“I am dating her.”

“Not for long.” She said, “I am deleting her number.”

“I have it memorized.”

“Why?”

“Because I love her!”

In shock, my mom dropped my phone on the floor. As if Cassie heard our conversation, she called me. My phone rang softly as my mom crept out of my bedroom, shutting the door behind her, but I didn’t hear her move. She was just standing there, though she left after a few minutes. She didn’t understand, how could she? In high school, my mother was the perfect child. She always had good grades, graduated at the top of her class, played sports, and had amazing friends, but I don’t have any of that. Sure, I’m smart, but not that smart.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to tell myself that stuff counts in high school. I used to fail everything.

Even though I’m a cheerleader, people hate me. People are going to dislike me even more if I say that I have a girlfriend, mainly because I’m supposed to be dating someone on the football team. Everyone wants me to have the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect grades, but no one gets how hard it is to maintain it all.

What do I do? More importantly, what do I do about Cassie?

Do I break up with her? No, I can’t, I don’t want to. My mom has controlled too much of my life already, she can’t take my girlfriend away from me, right?

She doesn’t get it, no one will. I can’t help it. I didn’t have a choice on who I love. Sometimes I wish I was different.