Palmer's Box

Watching the world around him, Palmer seemed to feel himself isolated from an unforgiving world. Emotions are overwhelming between a family who gave him love and the same family who gave him grief. Like the waters that don’t mend in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, there lived his mind and heart. Torn between a psychological war; big or small, right or wrong, clothing too short, too much or not enough, this box was all a reference to his name and how he found his identity all in itself… Palmer. Why did he matter if all he did was neglect the perception of others, try to ignore the mindlessness of those not in his realm? Yet, in this box in which he outgrew; were awaiting all the answers to his questions in small portions, as quests. Palmer needed to understand the journey, yet never wanted to face the truth, therefore he never really surpassed it in his soul but physically he did, emotionally, he’s still mending such a puzzle. Words are much stronger than materials imposed to him, although he outgrew such pieces, he never expanded the hems that were sowed into his memory, he has yet to comprehend. He continues to hold this box as he is told he hasn’t outgrown it in his mind; therefore, he hasn’t outgrown his purpose. These worlds continue to collide in the most frustrating way. Not wanting any confrontation, he eases everyone else yet fighting his own demons to appease the frame he was to mature from. How can he, feeling stuck and weary, he just runs with these memories fading every night as they become his clutch. Change is never easy, yet the contrary is much scarier because of the attacks, the verbiage, the hurtful and inconsistent responses. He only has this one wilted emotion; one only he can understand without judgement, nor deceit from anyone protects it and only with the strength, only he knows how to do so with many years of preparation. One that he can speak of and keep these secrets of thoughts. One who he one day will outgrow without a tear on his face, yet a smile of content and one he would be proud to energize with love and only then will he have outgrown it and only then, will he donate it to someone who needs to go through such a journey. The lack of recognition of the past and one to marry into the now is not a kind one. He is humbled as a result and caring, yet there is one thing they don’t have, his memories, his experiences, his journeys, and mainly, his forthcomings, this is in the box, one everyone asked to rid of as he had outgrown it. Palmer learned with time and experience to have matured it, it’s time to open this box and send a better energy someone else can grow into. It’s time to share the love, the experience, and mostly, the wisdom but this is not to be shared. It is to be learned and nothing else would grant anyone such a journey without it. Outgrowing trauma doesn’t equate to sharing it in its raw stages, such a small square of emotions may only share its healing, involvement, and love! It is not a task for the faint, it is a task for the ones who are willing to take the time to understand their inner demons and learn to tame them with kindness and understanding.

Palmer was willing to face everything in his box and made a goal to acknowledge each episode head on but slowly and carefully. It is important to dissect each memory and emotion before moving onto the next one. In doing so, it proved to be a grim undertaking, Palmer had to relive each experience as he held his heart in his hand. Feeling all the emotions was more like walking on grass in the rain, felt the earth with each step, then the wet grass, occasionally sliding and having to catch himself as he fell, getting back up and carefully understanding how to walk through the field. Each time he fell, he learned how different paths to take, Palmer learned to take smaller steps, then wider ones, there came a point where he would just sit and feel the rain pour on his face, washing it all away. He learned to sit patiently and listened in awe. Like this field of wet and slippery grass, was how he meandered the past and mended it with the present. He began to be kinder with himself, his inner dialogue had strength and girth yet was gentle and forgiving. Creating a safe walkway for his thoughts, he opened his heart and gradually began an introduction to himself. Being mindful of all the pain he once endured, he knew this was different, this was a path he chose, no one else inflicted it on him. Having this bordering his peripheral view of what peace felt like. Palmer was certain and confident he would one day be able to give someone the gift he was never offered: a manifestation of a divine and supernatural being, an epiphany. He often daydreamed what inner peace felt like, as he combed through his emotions one by one, he was closer to being someone he has never met. This forced him to learn who he was, is, and becoming. A very hard pill to swallow as he has always walked through life with a plan orchestrated by others, it was now his undertaking to rebuild his own church. It is at this moment when he realized that he will be able to grow successfully with circumspection, foresight, and discretion. One can’t always give advice without having experienced it for themselves, this was very apparent to Palmer, and he was being cautious of his journey before having anyone else inherent his hardships and setbacks. He was to be careful and kind with himself through his journey. Palmer then had finally realized that having such consideration for the world around him, he was genuinely outgrowing his box. He was ready now to allow himself to donate the life he once couldn’t reach. In the box were clothing that no longer embraced the memories he was afraid to let go of. Palmer donated the box of his clothing and as he walked away, the smile and peacefulness not only fulfilled his heart, but it also filled him with confidence and for the first time in his life, he raised his head and saw a world he can now live in peacefully.