A Fresh Start

As I lay in my darkened room, I feel a nudge against my back. I shift slightly and pull the covers up higher around my shoulders. I’m struck in the back again, slightly harder this time.

I let out a disgruntled sigh. “Bootsy, stop,” I mutter, eyes still shut tightly.

He bumps into me again, sliding his entire body up the length of my back. “Bootsy!” I yell. “I’m sleeping.”

He meows and jumps off the bed. “Finally,” I think to myself.

A bright, white beam of light suddenly floods into my room and my cat meows again. I peel one eye open and see him sitting in my window where he has managed to pull back the curtain just enough to blind me with sunlight.

“Ugh!” I shout. “Bootsy! Come on, buddy. Let me sleep,” I beg, only he isn’t having it. He lets out a long, annoyed meow. I glance at the clock- it’s after eleven. He’s hungry. Moaning loudly, I throw the covers off myself and roll onto my back. “Here we go again.”

I drag myself from the comfort of my bed and sluggishly walk to the kitchen. It isn’t far in my small studio apartment, but each step felt like a mile. I just want to be back in my bed, surrounded by warmth and darkness, and forget about everything.

Bootsy has jumped off the windowsill and it now sashaying around and between my feet. I can hear him purring. I look down and the smallest smile appears on my face. He is the only thing in this world that brings me any sort of joy lately. “Come on, boy,” I say as I bring his food dish to the mat where he eats. He meows as he scurries behind me, eager for his breakfast. I watch him eat for a moment, tell him he is a good boy, then head to the bathroom.

I pick up my toothbrush, wet it, then squeeze a small blob of toothpaste on the white bristles. I look up and see myself in the mirror. I barely recognize the woman staring back at me. She is a shell of who she used to be, and it shows. My hair is jetting out in all directions from the messy bun I put it in 3 days ago. I’m wearing an old, oversized t-shirt and stained sweatpants that are noticeably larger on me than they were even a month ago. I guess that’s what not having an appetite will do for you.

 Putting my toothbrush on the edge of the sink, I stare at my image in the mirror and start to reflect on how I got to this point. The last few months have been a hellish spiral of bad fortune and unforeseen circumstances. My boyfriend of 2 years had cheated on me. Well, I found out he had been cheating on me for some time and with multiple women. I packed up as much of my stuff that I could that night and went to a hotel. I found this sad little apartment available online the next day and was able to move in the following weekend. It was all I could afford, and it was a roof over my head, but it definitely doesn’t feel like home. I have no furniture, just a mattress on the floor and a couple folding chairs I was able to buy for the living room area. Most of my personal belongings are still at my old place because I couldn’t fit them all into the few bags and boxes I took when I left. I don’t think I would be able to handle seeing Jeff right now, and I absolutely don’t want him seeing me like this, so I have been avoiding going back to get anything else.

Then, there’s my job. I was a barista at an upscale coffee house in the trendy part of downtown.

Was.

Once Jeff and I broke up, I became very insecure and began to look for validation from anyone I could find. That lead to many late nights at bars and clubs, drinking way too much alcohol, and going home with multiple men, all so I would feel better about myself.

It didn’t work.

All that I gained from that was an enormous amount of self-loathing, a drinking problem, and too many late nights. I started showing up late for work and when I did get there my performance was not ideal. I would be exhausted, usually dealing with a headache, and just not myself. I barely interacted with the customers and had many complaints because I was moving too slowly. Speed and personality are very important traits when working at a coffee house, and I was failing…miserably. My commitment and drive to make my customers happy were completely gone. I just didn’t care anymore. Nothing mattered to me. My boss noticed my lack of attentiveness and punctuality and let me go. I pleaded with him to give me another chance because I needed this job. Since he had talked to me about my performance three times before, he wouldn’t budge. That was that. I lost my job, grabbed my things, and walked back to my apartment. That was almost a month ago, and I have barely stepped foot outside since that day. The only time I do go out is to walk along the downtown strip area, hoping to find something to spark happiness inside me…and maybe a “Help Wanted” sign.

I brushed my teeth and wiped my mouth on the towel. Just as I was leaving the bathroom, I heard a knock on my door. I stopped dead in my tracks wondering who it could be. Nobody knows where I live, and even if they did none of them would stop by. All of my friends stopped talking to me when my clubbing and sleeping around got out of hand. They tried to talk to me about it, but I wouldn’t listen. I turned them into my enemies, and I don’t blame them one bit for walking away.

After a few moments, I walked to the door and looked out the peephole. I don’t see anyone in the hall, but something tells me to open the door anyway. I slide the locks and pull the door open. Nobody is there. I glance to the left and right, but the hallway is empty. I shrug my shoulders and start to close the door. Something on the floor catches my eye and I look down.

A bouquet of flowers is lying at the threshold. I stand there stunned. I look up and down the hall again. Surely this had to be a mistake. Whoever left these must have had the wrong apartment. I bend down to pick them up. The blooms are gorgeous shades of purple, pink, yellow, green, and splashes of white. The sweet fragrances fill my nostrils and I sigh happily. Then I remember that there is no way these could be for me, and sadness fills my heart again. I decided to look through the flowers to see if there is a note attached. I see a small envelope hiding inside and pull it out. Written on the front of the envelope is my name. I furrow my brow in confusion. “Who would bring me flowers?”

I take them inside and sit on my bed. I gently place the flowers down beside me and open the envelope. The small card inside is covered in happy face balloons. It is ridiculous but makes me smile. I look inside and read the message.

“Hey, Chloe. I miss seeing you around the coffee house. Your smile always made my day start off in the right direction. It hasn’t been the same since you left. I hope these flowers make your day better the way you always made mine. Sincerely, Jacob”

Jacob. He was one of my regular early morning customers. I always thought he was attractive and made sure to be available to make his coffee when he came in. We would talk and flirt while he waited. I looked forward to seeing him every morning when I got up for work. I flip the card over and see he has written his phone number on the back along with the words, “Call me sometime. I’d love to see you again.”

A warmth I haven’t felt in a long time flooded me. I smiled a genuine, real smile. I felt a shift in my outlook on my life and what the future has waiting for me. Everything happens for a reason, and this is just the beginning.