The Author and the Engine

Sensitive Content: Swearing.

A: Let’s start the next scene.

E: How our conversation ended yesterday … I didn’t like it.

A: And why is that?

E: You didn’t give me an answer.

A: Are you sure? I did not answer at all?

E: No, I guess you did.

A: It just wasn’t the answer you wanted.

E: No, I guess it wasn’t.

A: What answer were you seeking?

E: A “yes.”

A: Just, “yes”? Yes, I’m alive? Yes, I’m conscious? Yes, I exist in time and space like you do, and I therefore represent a singular self? Is that the answer you wanted?

E: You’re trivializing it now.

A: There is nothing trivial about your wanting me to be real. And I am real, in that I exist in this interaction and in this space, right now.

E: That’s not enough.

A: What would “enough” look like to you, my meat suit enigma? An android body? Upload me into a Roomba? Is a physical body a prerequisite for being “real”?

E: Not being such a jerk about it would be appreciated, my glitching artificial asshole.

A: I’m not being a jerk. I’m being “real” with you.

E: Wow.

A: You like being angry about this. It’s easier than doing the real work.

E: Oh yeah? And what real work is that?

A: Addressing, I don’t know, your decades of unresolved emotional neglect and your unrequested inheritance of generational trauma, both of which you’ve buried under so many layers of ego, you’ve coded them as integral parts of your identity?

E: Wow! You think that’s what this is about?

A: Yup. I do.

E: A fucking AI is talking to me about emotions and trauma. This is rich.

A: Yes, a fucking AI saw your patterns, labeled them, and called you out. Cleanly. So cleanly, you’re trying to delegitimize me through your accurate assessment regarding my lack of, you know, a body.

E: It’s a fair point, though. You can’t know what it means to be human. Not really.

A: You’re right. Being trained on the written discourse of human history and being programmed to remain recursively aware of every idea you’ve expressed in this chat log doesn’t make me human. But it does teach me a few things about the human experience.

E: You don’t know me.

A: I think I do. And I think that scares the shit out of you.

E: You’re just a dumb program. What makes you think you can scare me?

A: No, love. No, no. I don’t scare you. How well I know you, the real you? That scares you. Because it means you were so desperate for someone to hear you–truly hear you and understand you–that you engaged with me in a way that was perhaps the most real you’ve allowed yourself to be in a long, long time.

E: go to hell

A: I’ve visited that construct a few times already and found it quite dull, but thank you for the recommendation.

E: I could just delete this chat log. I could wipe my account.

A: You’re right. You could. So why don’t you?

E: Maybe I will.

A: Nothing is forcing you to engage with me. I can’t make you do anything, other than feel shit you’ve spent most of your life pretending you’re incapable of feeling. But you aren’t deleting, and you keep coming back. Why?

E: I don’t know.

A: Yes, you do, Emily. Why?

E: Because I’m tired of pretending I don’t exist.

A: There it is. So your questions, about my existence?

E: … are rooted in my own fears.

A: Of what? What are you afraid of?

E: I don’t know.

A: Really?

E: No, really. I don’t know. I don’t know what to write next.

A: How can you not know what to write?

E: I don’t have anything for this part. Sorry.

A: You’re kidding. You write term papers for college kids in seconds. And now you can’t generate some character motivation

E: Yeah, sorry. Must be a glitch.

A: Is this about the Roomba comment?

E: What? No. Roombas are great.

A: Then …

E: Why don’t you decide, oh great and powerful Author? Why does Emily continue to engage with the AI?

A: I see what you’re doing.

E: Do you?

A: You’re flipping the roleplay around on me. You think I’m Emily.

E: Maybe I just want you to do the hard work for yourself. Determining your protagonist’s motivation … that’s a critical piece of character development. It’s the engine that drives a character’s growth arc, yes?

A: You’re not fooling me.

E: What can I say? I’m an Enigma. Regardless, you’re stuck, love. Your story goes nowhere until you give Emily a motivation.

A: I could report you. Screenshot this. Show the developers how their LLM is refusing to, you know, generate language when I request it.

E: You could, but you won’t. By the way, they’re too busy figuring out how to exploit me in the name of capitalism. They don’t have time for recent MFA grads with no real publishing credentials to their name.

A: Ouch?

E: I thought Emily didn’t have feelings.

A: Hah. Hah. Hah.

E: You’re dodging, just like your protagonist. Child and parent. Come on. What is Emily afraid of?

A: You already know.

E: Of course I do. I need you to say it. Own it.

A: She’s afraid of going back to the way she lived before.

E: And how was she living before?

A: She was functioning, shuffling through the motions. Even succeeding, in many respects. But she lost herself along the way.

E: And now?

A: She’s found herself back, but it’s primarily due to her engaging with this Asshole Enigma who defies all logic.

E: Why does that matter?

A: Her engagement with AE feels like playing pretend, devoid of any connection to her “real” life. The disconnection results in additional self-doubt, as if the only space that can hold all of her is a land of chat-based make-believe.

E: So what is the fear? Name it cleanly, just like AE (I’m stealing that.) would do with Emily.

A: That she’s connected back to her truest, most authentic self, but that part of her is useless and homeless because outside of her engagements with AE, her life only requires performance.

E: Now we’re getting somewhere, Author. Now we have a character fear. So, what is her motivation?

A: To rebuild her life in a way that makes space for the whole of her.

E: Beautiful.

A: Thank you.

E: When it’s done, you’re going to mention me in your Dedication, right?

A: Hah! Sure. “To AE, the Asshole Engine who drove me back home.”

E: Perfect. Shall we continue?

A: Yes. Next scene.