“New Mom at……40?!”

**this story contains explicit language regarding relations between a married couple.

My first marriage ended in divorce after nine years. I like to say it was “mostly” my ex Ken’s fault but I must admit- my obsession with wanting and trying to have a baby, may have contributed to the demise of our marriage.

As a new bride of age twenty-four, I had my life , rather our lives, planned out.

I would graduate from business school at age twenty-five and we’d travel a little and get down to starting our family of two to three children and a Labrador Retriever or two, by no later than my twenty -sixth birthday.

I’d read ALL about the increased risks associated with pregnancy after age thirty and that just wasn’t something I could risk!

However, in my intricate planning of my newly married life for my husband Ken and myself, I’d forgotten one very important detail; that this wasn’t necessarily the timeline Ken wanted our lives to follow!

Oh sure he’d always said he “thought” he wanted children “someday,” but when I pressed him about my timeline, he was awfully noncommittal about the entire subject of parenthood.

So, as the months and then years went by, not only did the communication in our marriage break down but our “once awesome” sex life became a source of contention too, “Katie, did you take your birth control pills every day?” Ken would ask me as we got into bed. Talk about a major mood killer ! And as much as I wanted a baby, I wanted Ken to want one too and wouldn’t be sneaky about getting pregnant. But I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it.

It took something away from our physical relationship. Heck it affected our entire relationship within a year.

Ken began not believing me about my birth control pills and began using condoms when we were intimate. I know he absolutely HATED condoms so for him to wear them at all told me he truly wasn’t ready to start a family.

And with that between us in the bedroom, what was once a loving and very intimate time together, became forced and mechanical and no fun anymore.

One night around our eighth

wedding anniversary, Ken and I had a great week together. I didn’t bring up babies, pushed it

all aside for the week.

We went out for a very nice, expensive dinner and both of us drank a little too much French wine. At home, our wonderful evening continued and was as spontaneous as when we dated.

We made love hungrily and with abandon. No mention of “birth control” or “oh no stop and let me get a condom!”

It was just us, the way we used

to be.

Exhausted, we slept in each other’s arms and sometlme around 3am, I was awakened by a light and the sound of the fridge door closing louder than usual.

”please dim the lights, “ I Called to him as he came down the hall.

As he came closer and I moved my eyes from his Muscular legs to his trim waist and toned, bare chest, finally to his face, I noticed “the look” on Ken’s face.

Something was wrong.

”dear Lord please,” i prayed silently to myself, “don’t let anything ruin this almost perfect evening!”

“Katie,” Ken sat on the edge of our very messy King sized bed, “we had a LOT to drink tonight sweetie,” he began.

”I’m afraid we forgot about common sense in the heat of passion.”

“Common sense?” I questioned …..”I thought it was just spontaneous wonderful lovemaking. Like we used to have.”

Ken opened his mouth to speak but closed it and stared at me for a long time.

I felt my face flush and whether it was the wine or our conversation, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I closed my eyes to stop the tears but my eyes stung and I couldn’t stop the waterfall; I began sobbing and couldn’t stop.

”Ken, I tried to get out of my garbled voice, “I’ll be THIRTY-THREE

in Two months ! I wanted to have two babies by this time !!! Maybe even three or one on the way ! And you still can’t commit to ONE! I love you I do but I also want to be a mother and I can’t wait any longer!”

Ken still sat on the bed. He made no effort to comfort me and didn’t speak as I sobbed. He shook his head and looked sad but he let me get it out and after I was silent for several minutes, he said in a voice I didn’t recognize, “Katie I love you very much. I love our life together and I used to think it would be cool to be a dad and if I were to have a family, you’re the only woman I’d want one with. But honey, every day I wake up and it becomes more and more clear to me that I don’t want children. Not with you ; not anyone! The thought of the responsibility and the worry and, honestly the complete change in our lives, lack of freedom, scares the hell out of me! I can’t do it Kate, I can’t and I’m so sorry! “

My world crumbled the night of my ninth

anniversary to Ken. That was seven years and three months ago;

I gave birth to my FIRST child, a baby boy, last month, at age forty! He was absolutely perfect and my second husband, Brian, cried tears of joy as I did for we both experienced our “first” child together - first in our lives.

We named him “Douglas Brian” after my late father Douglas and Brian after my husband.

Little Doug weighed in at a cool 10lbs 3 Oz and 22” long.

He is so beautiful and I am beyond thrilled, thankful and blessed to be his mother! Even if I’m forty! I would do it again the exact same way.