Typical annoyance

''Ummm... Would this be alright? An entrepreneur or a worker?'' Estella paces the floor and asks herself the same rhetorical question repeatedly. Still, no answer...

She would like to do something different; yet, she has no idea where and how she starts. She just want to do something utterly disparate- not the same path forever until she died. Yes, she knows it. But what is more-all expectations around her.

'' To find a stable job! Are you qualified to be an entrepreneur? No! You have nothing!'' Sam says. Sam, Estella's ex-boyfriend always despises what she is doing. Simply to say, he thinks she is day-dreaming: it is never realistic to follow something vague or can be called as ''illusion''. When Estella pops up an idea, you don't need to ask more suggestions from Sam, he must reply: you are an idiot! What makes you alive till now? When she got any dreams or hopes, he must ''wake her up''. He thinks he just nudges the pendulum; whereas, he makes her much more confused-where should she go? Or turn to the corrected version- what could she do?

''Could you give me a few years? Just two years? Maybe one?'' Estella always responses or so-called begs.

''No! You have no choice but have to.'' Sam speaks authoritatively.

'' But I believe I can do this.'' Estella claims softly like a mosquito and asks herself, "am I too inferior?" She starts to be indecisive: will I regret my upcoming choice? What if I failed? What if I get nothing? What if I teased by others? She's afraid of the future which is doomed dull. And her bright eyes become hollow gradually. She asks herself: maybe I should find a stable job? At least everything would be fine.

But still, in her deep heart, there is a flickering ignited candle- guiding her to look forwards the bright future as well as reminiscing the past she was.

'' Do you think I can be an entrepreneur?'' She asks her friend. Her friends look at her dull eyes and answer dramatically, "yes! Why not? Of course." And Estella grins from ear to ear. And response positively, ''I do think so.''

''Do you think I should be an entrepreneur?'' She asks her teacher.

''Once you don't need to take care of your family. You can do it!'' And then the teacher started to grumble- seemingly all the plaints what she had encountered will appear in your upcoming situation. Estella is trembling unconsciously. Her smile and face skin cannot break the deadlock which is strenuously fixed on her pale face.

'' Would my family be wronged if I follow my dream? How they can live during their aging? They will become older and will I become a tough pillar in my family?'' she mumbles.

'' I want to be an entrepreneur. Will you support me?'' Estella asks her boyfriend.

'' I want somebody to take her own responsibility to her lives. You are selfish to put aside yours and request me to support you! '' Sam yells.

'' I don't really need you to do anything. Just say you will support me. I would be glad and happy. It is enough for me... Will you? Tell me you will...'' Estella is looking into Sam's eyes and searching for something called hope, toleration or tender and so on; lamentably, she can only see his anger, grievance or even repulsiveness in his eyes- how cold-blooded at the moment. Her dream is shaking now.

He is the sole one- she esteems that he will support her without conditions. She doesn't request more- just a sentence- it's enough. Some words are enough to empower her envisage all problems boldly. Just a sentence. Estella starts to hesitate- either entrepreneur or worker with stable salary.

Suddenly, '' I will support you for whatever you do except entrepreneur. Do a job with only a few dollars. It is better than the one like you nowadays. You are nothing like a garage. How terrible right now! If you cannot be a worker, we break up.'' Sam urges.

Tears suddenly pop on Estella's face and she cannot believe what she had heard. '' Break up? For my job? We have been living together for a year and now we break up? Just because I want to live something differently?'' The words like a knife and poke to her heart harshly again and again.

Sam's cold-blooded eyes with poker-face stares at Estella and he is waiting for the ''corrected model answer''- being his slave forever on his same boat.

''Ummm...'' Estella falls into meditation- for their future. She is scared that any mistaken words may be contributed to their break up. She is shaking, so the dream is.

Time is idling- tick-tock, tick tock, tick tock... Procrastination say hello to Estella. She thinks it is her best friend- at least she can elude from the reality once- as long as she want.

At the moment, time elapses. No news is the best news; no answer is the best answer. At least that moment she doesn't want to take any decision yet. She doesn't want to confront any obstacles yet. She doesn't want to choose from quagmire- choices from what she loves.

'' Hey, Sam! Look! Today's weather is good. The birds are chirping and the view is great. Let's go for a hike? ''Estella slowly responses during blinking her big round eyes.

Estella doesn't want to ruin anything in her life. In indecision, she always knows what is it. It is not about ignorance or confusion, and what's more, she knows everything- every challenges, painstaking processes and hidden gems. It is a long story without a storyteller; It is a tirade with empty words if you never do; it is only fear if you never dream.

At least she knows- she wants to safeguard her dream and lover- without them is equal to a soul losing a body.

She is afraid to make choices. Time flies. Indecision saves her, rescues her but also ruins and damages her. Do you agree with me?Probably it is commonplace in our daily life- typical annoyance.