The Last Conversation

TW: substance abuse, mental health, suicide

The music had completely faded behind Evelyn’s retching. She sucked in air, hoping the worst of it was over. The beer she had spilled when she ran into the bathroom soaked through her shoes. She untangled her legs from underneath her. She tugged at her pink sequined dress to try and get it back down over her hips. The dragonfly that had made its home in the bathroom flew by her face and she attempted to swat it away.

“This again?”

Evelyn turned to see Mia standing at the door, shaking her head. Her sharp eyes that always made her look like she knew more than she let on were currently staring daggers into Evelyn’s skull. The black t-shirt she wore advertised a band that Evelyn had never heard of, but she was sure Mia would tell her about.

“I didn’t think you’d show,” Evelyn said before returning her head to the toilet.

Mia squatted next to Evelyn and pulled her hair back as the dry heaving continued. “This is the third time this week you’ve been at this house.”

“Look Miss Goody Good, I don’t need your judgment.” Evelyn’s words echoed off the porcelain bowl.

“Honestly, some judgment would do you good right about now.”

Evelyn rested her face on the cold seat. “You should be studying for finals.”

Mia dropped Evelyn’s hair as she leaned back. Her voice softened to a whisper. “You know—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” The blue and green flowers painted on the wall began to dance in circles. Evelyn closed her eyes to focus on swallowing the last of the bile traveling up her throat. She blindly reached for the door. After a few tries, she managed to get the door open and stumbled a few feet forward. The smell of weed and sweat coated the Delta’s house. She opened one eye to see this year’s pledges strutting around in mini-skirts, offering partygoers joints and shots. The couches that once sat in the center of the room had been pushed aside to allow for a makeshift dance floor. Speakers lined the walls, while a single rainbow strobe light hung in the middle of the room.

“Milady, care for a shot?” The pledge’s deep voice swirled into her ears.

“Don’t,” Mia warned from behind her.

That was all the motivation Evelyn needed. She reached for the mystery liquid and emptied two cups before placing them back on the tray.

“Ah, a lady after my own heart,” he said before strolling away.

Mia circled around to face Evelyn. “Please. You need to stop this.”

“Just leave me alone!” She pushed Mia aside and the liquor rushed to her brain. She attempted to take a step and her ankle curled beneath her. She screamed out and stumbled into a nearby pledge, knocking a full tray of shots to the ground.

“Whoa, looks like someone might need to call it a night,” the pledge said as he knelt down to pick up the plastic cups.

“Watch where you’re going!” Evelyn’s scream carried through the room and several people turned their heads toward her.

“Hey, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” Her fists clenched tight as the blood rushed to her face.

A woman with long blonde hair and a dress as pink as Evelyn’s approached her. “Hey, sweetie. Are you alright?”

“I’m not, if that wasn’t apparent.” A sharp pain filled her chest and she attempted to scratch it away. Her jaw clenched tight as the room spun around her. The stench of previously digested beer filled her nostrils and she felt the vomit rising back up again.

She limped through the mob of students and made her way to an open door. The cold breeze that greeted her sobered her up much more than she enjoyed. Her heels sunk into the dirt as she scanned the backyard for more mini-skirt cladded men. She was alone outside except for three people passed out in the hammock that hung in the corner.

“What do you want from me?” Evelyn asked.

Mia appeared next to Evelyn. “Nothing. I don’t need –”

“Bullshit.” Evelyn felt tears forming in her eyes, but tried to convince herself it was just the cold air irritating them. “What if I say ‘I’m sorry’? If I apologize will things go back?”

Mia sighed. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

Evelyn pulled out her phone that had stayed tucked in her bra the whole night. “Here. I’ll call you right now.” She opened her contacts and clicked Mia’s name at the top of her favorites list. Putting it to her ear, she heard three rings and then a woman announcing the number was no longer in service.

She let the phone fall, but the rings from her call continued to echo in her ear. She felt her legs shake, then crumple below her. The tears she had held back began to fall.

Mia lowered herself to the ground to sit in front of Evelyn. She pulled at a loose thread at the hem of her pants. “I’m sorry I can’t be here for you.”

“You’re here now.” Evelyn tried to make the words come out as coherently as possible.

“And why is that? Why do you think I’m here?”

She had never questioned why Mia kept coming back; she just wanted it to keep happening. The last three weeks had been a blur of memorials and casseroles. This week was the first break she had gotten since the coroner’s call. Evelyn searched her mind for a reason and found only one: Mia was here because Evelyn couldn’t think of a world that existed without her.

“Because I don’t have a life without you,” she managed to choke out. The tears fell fast from her eyes as her vision and brain continued to fog. Evelyn’s throat burned as she searched for air.

Mia placed her hands on Evelyn’s knees. “You have so much life left in you.”

“But I don’t want it if you’re not here.” She gripped her chest to try and silence the ache that continued to grow.

Mia reached up and placed her hand onto Evelyn’s, cradling her heart. “Today, you might truly believe that. But one day, you’ll want to live again, and I promise: it’ll be wonderful.”

The aching in her heart lessened as a cool breeze brushed her hand. Evelyn looked up to see a single dragonfly making its way up to the stars.