You Must Be So Proud

“You must be so proud of your husband!” my father in law wrapped me into a warm embrace. We were standing on the driveway in front of our house. The shade from the tall oak tree covering the hot summer sun, but I could still feel the heat coming from the black tar driveway. The in-laws were in town for a quick overnight visit. My father in law was referring to the fact that my husband was so active in his professional life and in the National Guard. He himself was a retired military man and was a true patriot. He felt everyone should serve their country. He completely bought into the phrase that freedom is not free.

I enthusiastically hugged my father in law back and we carried the overnight bags inside. “It sure keeps him busy, did he tell you what happened last week when he was away?”

At this point my husband catches my eye and rolls his eyes towards the ceiling. “Wait,” he says. “I can’t help it if you need a map. Or maybe to listen more closely.”

“Very funny, wise guy,” I responded. 

“Grandma! Grandpa!” A chorus of cries and the pounding of feet signaled that our three children had heard their grandparents voices and were making their way into the kitchen to receive hugs and kisses, and possibly any candy that hadn’t been eaten already by Grandpa. Or nixed by mom this close to dinner time. 

“My goodness, what is your mom feeding you all? You just keep growing taller and taller! You must be the tallest in your classes! Have you graduated from high school when we weren’t here?” Grandpa said.

The oldest giggled, “No grandpa, I just finished fifth grade.” 

“I’m in second grade!” the middle said.

“No dummy,” said the oldest. “You’re done with second, now you are in third grade. Or you say you finished second grade.”

“No name calling,” I said on auto pilot. “Now you say two nice things.”

“Aw, mom...I was just trying to…” the withering look stopped him from speaking any further. With a sigh, “You are good at coloring. Your breath doesn’t stink.”

The youngest, at age four, was sitting in Grandma’s lap sucking on a lollipop. “He reminds me so much of his dad at that age. You're so good with the kids, honey.”

"Thanks, mom." I was thinking that I wished the kids wouldn’t act like a bunch of monkeys around the in-laws on their brief visits. Their dad was home so infrequently; it was hard on everyone to have their routine upset. The kids the most as they seemed to be confused that their dad didn't know the routine.

“You were going to tell us what happened last week, dear.” My mother-in-law reminded me.

“Oh, well...it’s not that big of a deal, really. I had called Sam to tell him about something, I can’t even remember what now, and he mentioned how he and a bunch of the guys from the conference had rented a car to go see a Cardinals game. I really didn’t think much of it. Honestly. I am, after all, calling a cell phone number. I could be calling anywhere. He could be anywhere.”

At this point, my husband chimed in, “Yeah, but I wasn’t just anywhere, I told you where I was as I was packing my bag for the airport. I was flying to St. Louis. You knew this. I was halfway across the country and you didn’t even know it!”

“Yeah, a different time zone, different part of the country, yada yada. I’m here working full time and keeping track of where the kids' shoes are. You keep track of where you are.” I threw a dishrag at him. “So what’s the deal, are we ordering pizza for this mob or am I making hot dogs on the grill?”

****

“You must be so proud of your husband!” my father in law wrapped me into a warm embrace. We were standing on the tarmac in front of the airport hangar. The early spring breeze still held a scent of snow. It was cold, but the sun was trying to warm up the earth and our faces. The in-laws were in town for a quick overnight visit. My father in law was referring to the fact that my husband was returning from a year long deployment. He himself was a retired military man and was a true patriot. He felt everyone should serve their country. He completely bought into the phrase that freedom is not free.

I enthusiastically hugged my father-in-law back. We waved our flags as the men and women in battle fatigues deplaned and walked towards us as one mass. One united group; it was hard to tell who was who. One from the other. They had just spent the last year together living and breathing in the same space of unspeakable experiences. One by one they broke apart, broken. We wrapped Sam into a hug, my father-in-law and I, along with the kids and my mother-in-law. My hero was home. Yes, I was proud.

****

“You must be so proud of your husband!” my father in law wrapped me into a warm embrace. We were standing on the driveway in front of their house. Fallen leaves swirled around our feet in the brisk wind nipping at our noses. The kids and I were visiting the in-laws for Thanksgiving. My father in law was referring to the fact that my husband was so active in his professional life and in the National Guard. He himself was a retired military man and was a true patriot. He felt everyone should serve their country. He completely bought into the phrase that freedom is not free.

My husband was away. Again. Another conference. Or Reserve weekend. Or a workshop. Or meeting. Or just away. Again.

****

“You must be so proud of your husband!” my father in law wrapped me into a warm embrace. 

“Your husband is always so helpful,” I often hear from the people I meet. “Your husband is always so friendly.” That’s another popular description of him. 

Everyone on the outside sees the wonderful terrific guy that I once saw too.

But then…

But then those rose colored glasses shattered. 

“You know, he’s gone all the time because he doesn’t want to be home with you, right?” my mother-in-law said one day over the phone. “There’s someone, or perhaps, many others, over the years, that he has chosen to be with. You get what you deserve in this life, dear.” 

****

“You must be so proud of yourself!” my father in law wrapped me into a warm embrace. We were standing on the driveway in front of the house. The sun beat down on us but all I felt was the warmth coming from the love and support. The in-laws were in town for a quick overnight visit. My father in law was referring to the fact that my husband had moved on and so had I. My mother-in-law was right. We do get what we deserve in this life. And the kids all ran down the driveway to greet their grandparents.