The Matryoshka Doll

"What would you like to talk about today, Nadia?"

"Shhh!" Nadia pressed her index finger against her lips and watched as her therapist, Caroline sat attentive with a notepad and a pencil.

"You have to listen to this for one second."

Nadia held her phone out and waited for the soft flutes to pan out from the beginning of the King Crimson song, "I Talk to the Wind". Right after the first verse began, she lip synced to the chorus. "I'm on the outside looking inside... What do I see?..." She strummed an imaginary electric guitar riff, "...Much confusion, disillusion... All around me...", then she tossed her head back and sunk into the comfort of the couch.

Caroline's face looked cold as a stone. "...Nadia"

"It's Ear-Porn!". Nadia said shrugging. "Speaks to the soul. Something heart-wrenching about the lyrics. Basically, it's about a traveler who feels separated, and useless from society. Makes me feel so...sentimental."

"Nadia, there's nothing wrong was this song, but I see the lyrics are taking you to a melancholy place. We've spoken about taking a break from these types of consumptions." Caroline pressed the tip of her pencil to her chin. "I'm only saying that because I'd like you to try getting out of your comfort zone. If it helps you to cope with your depression and anxiety, great, but stimulating a more positive mood, wouldn't hurt."

"I don't know. This is what I grew up listening to though, its my Dads favorite genre, the memories of when he introduced me to it makes it all the more comforting."

"I understand you believe that but-"

"You don't think it's true? The memories are vivid. He caught me playing air guitar once with a broomstick then introduced me to his vinyl discs. We spent all day diving deep into obscured American and British Progressive Rock stuff! It's the only bit I really remember about him."

"That's odd...I think you're embellishing your stories again, Nadia. You told me a different memory about the vinyl discs. Your friend Rachel from the Foster home gifted them to you. Her father was an antique collector. Your memories about your father were never so grandeur. You said you had only vague memories of him and his strange accent."

Nadia paused and stared at the carpet floor trying best to remember that particular story. Her father was born in Cincinnati in 1965, at least that's what she remembered. She kept picturing this man from her dreams, but felt emptiness. He had still been a stranger in her memories. 

"Yeah, Ok? Any profound revelations from that?" she barked back defensively.

"Nadia, we need to work on recollecting your past experiences and not fabricating them. If we're going to tackle where this mythomania comes from. I believe, it stems from you not wanting to deal with a past experience. I need you to cooperate and be truthful with me. You need to be susceptible to therapy if you want to make a change."

"Maybe you're just not following the stories carefully."

Nadia stood up abruptly and grabbed her jacket from the coat rack.

"Nadia, please."

She headed out through the therapist's door.

Nadia checked her phone and noticed a message from Heidi, her best friend. 

It was a Happy Birthday-themed gif sent. A bear riding a tricycle holding a birthday cake. The cake fell flat on the ground.

Nadia texted back, "Gee thanks!"

She returned back to her small apartment, where she held a clean minimalist decor. She quickly changed into a dark hooded sweater and black leggings to begin her daily jog at the public park in Downtown Cleveland.

After a few miles running, she turned through a long alleyway to take a shortcut behind some small restaurants to get to the park. She jogged over slowly minding the movement of the truckers hauling produce.

She turned to a group of men smoking cigarettes and lounging in the back.

"Damn, thank God for leggings." one of the younger guys yelled, the couple of men were busboys from the local establishment. There was an older man besides them sitting on a stool, with heavy-lidded eyes carving an orange. He noticed her walking by. The rest of the younger guys continued catcalling, another let out a shrieking wolf-whistle.

"Hey, girl. Seriously! What's your work out routine like?"

She glanced back and continued on increasing her speed.

Then a truck backing out from the loading zone forced her to stop and wait. "Scuse me, miss. I know you from somewhere?"

A man had approached behind her, he got a little handsy reaching to grab her by the arm after Nadia ignored his calls for attention.

Like second-nature, she trapped his hand into a tight hold. Then twisted his arm and dislocated it. 

"You bitch!" yelled another man with a beard approaching.

He grabbed her tight by her arms. "You like to play hard to get, huh!?"

Nadia jabbed him in the groin with her knee and watched him tip over. She noticed the old man was the first one she attacked, he held his arm and moaned. She reached for his pockets to check his license, Vitaliy Novikov.

"It's you." she stammered, then ran out of the alley. 

The park had been lively and filled with dog walkers, and teenagers skateboarding.

A slightly older woman in her late 30's approached Nadia holding a tote bag.

"Nadia! It's good to see you! What a coincidence finding you here."

"Heidi, you know I jog here every Friday."

"You seem... agitated. You okay?"

"Oh. Yeah, I'm fine."

"So, you excited about the big Three-O! Your Dirty-thirty!"

"Please don't call it that."

"What do you have planned tonight?"

"Eh. I have a date night. We're having tuna, then going to lounge back in the apartment to binge a TV show."

"Oh fun! So, what's his name?"

"His names is Oleg. We met in a cafe... In Japan."

"Nadia, I've met your Siberian cat. Quit messing around. You need to do something fun today." Heidi scolded her like she was her younger sister, she frequently watched over Nadia, since they were both raised in the Foster system, Heidi would volunteer to guide the youths there. They were like sisters during her duration there. 

"Heidi. It seems I'm always running into you."

"Oh shut up. I go to this park all the time. Guess what though? I brought you a present! You're going to absolutely love. And I just happened to have it with me right now." Heidi pulled out a small horizontal box from her bag. Her eyes stared eagerly to watch Nadia's reaction opening it.

"Oh... you shouldn't have." Nadia said in a dry unenthusiastic way. She tore the wrapping and noticed the high tech gadget, a digital smart watch.

"Isn't it perfect? I know you told me not to get you anything, but this is just perfect for you." Heidi leaned in for a hug while Nadia stood there awkwardly stiff, her arms lying limp to her sides.

"Um. Okay. Thanks I guess."

"I'm calling the gang and we're going to do something tonight, OK? Just worry about wearing something comfortable, I know you have those fur coats you love to wear and its been so chilly. Meet up around 8?"

Nadia groaned. "Fine."

She made her way to the apartment building to find Oleg napping on her bed. She joined him there as he purred and glided his curled tail around her chin. She hoped to finally have time tonight to catch up with her projects online. Nadia loathed celebrating her birthday, she found it a mundane trivial day. She preferred blending in like a wallflower instead of having all the attention on her. The inevitability of having to go out felt like a drag.

"Meh. What have I gotten myself into, Oleg? Why are you so lucky? You have no responsibilities, you just get to lay there all day sleeping for nine hours, licking your own butt." She pulled him and rubbed her nose against his face. "You probably missed your Mommy all day, didn't you?" Nadia turned to the box that she tossed on the bedroom bench.

Curious about the watch, she quickly reached for it and tore away the packaging. There were different options and ways to use it. One particular one was intriguing to her. Having frequent issues with her lack of sleep, which possibly originated from her overactive imagination, she opted for the option to measure her sleep patterns. There was even an option to record her when she snored.

After toying with the device, Nadia took a short nap.

Having slept for three hours cuddling with her cat, she woke up and looked at the watch. It was almost time to go out. She would have felt happier with her feline friend and inviting Heidi and her boyfriend instead, but Heidi wanted to make the day special. She opted to appease her friend and suck it up.

Nadia fumbled through her closet, navigating through her wardrobe indecisively murmuring complaints about each outfits.

"I think this shrank. Too slutty. God no. I think my thighs would stick to the chair if I wear this skirt." She ogled at one she liked. "Oleg, what do you think? I'll send Heidi a photo to see if it looks good."

Then she remembered to check her watch which had a recording already completed. She pressed the button to listen in, curious to know if she had been a snorer all this time. Instead, she listened to something uncanny and surprising.

She was sleep talking in perfect Russian. She spoke with the native intonations, and the phonetics of it signified a fluency she couldn't believe, it was off-putting. The language itself sounded beautiful but, she never remembered learning Russian before. To the best of her memory, she had never even set foot in Europe.

"Oleg, I'm freaking out, kid!"

Oleg meowed.

"I know. I know. My minds not there, I'm anxious. I can't trust myself."

She pressed the recording again, it was still in an audible Russian.

She quickly opened a translation app and played it once again, reading the subtitles displaying as she spoke. She dropped her phone and took a few steps back. It sounded like something sinister.

Her phone produced a loud ring and she jumped up and screamed.

"SHIT!"

It was Heidi calling. Nadia didn't pick up, but Heidi kept calling. Two. Three. Four. Five times. She kept calling, and the more her phone rang the more shaken Nadia was. It was a cryptic message she couldn't decipher.

"Beware the enemy you seek. Walls have ears. Doors have eyes. The Trees have voices. Remember your ancient Moscow Kremlin. The two-headed eagle is always hovering near. Glory to Russia, my Fatherland..."

"What the hell is going on here, Oleg!"

She picked up the phone call from Heidi.

"Privet."

"WHAT?!"

"Ribbit. Jesus, Nadia. Listen. The Ribbit club house. It's on 5th and Augustine Road. Why didn't you pick up your phone earlier?"

Nadia felt she couldn't be home alone now when the paranoia had stricken her pretty rough, she knew she couldn't trust herself alone. She kept imagining laser sights coming through her window. She closed the blinds then heard little footsteps from the hallways approaching her apartment door. She peered through the fish-eye lens and found no one. When Oleg approached and started hissing, Nadia freaked out and rushed back to find an empty hallway again.

Maybe she felt comfortable spending time with Heidi and the gang after all. She needed to be around the only person who really cared about her, despite her inability to show her affection at times. She wanted to forget about the recording, she couldn't take it anymore, surely it had all been another example of an over reaction. She took a pill to dull the anxiety she felt, and her hands jittering. Something brewing in her gut made her feel high strung and overly cautious about something.

Nadia walked out to sidewalk and ordered a cab to get to the club. It had only been a short duration away. She wore her favorite thick furred coat, dark high-waist jeans and a low-cut cropped top.

"What's your ETA?" Heidi texted.

"Five minutes."

She felt hyper-vigilant waiting for her cab on the sidewalk. She watched the people walking across the street, memorized the license plates of the passing cars and even figured ways to kill someone if they attacked her. Nadia wasn't sure why she was thinking of such thoughts. She wouldn't share the recording with Heidi just yet, she'd like to have one last normal night for a change.

There was a long line outside the Ribbit club when Nadia arrived, she looked at the giant neon Frog mascot on the door and felt uneasy.

She texted, "I'm here. Where are you?"

"Move aside, the Birthday-girl has arrived!" Heidi gently shoved the bouncer out of the way, slightly slurring the words to a drunken version of, Japanese Denim by Daniel Cesar. Ha! Song is about you, Nadia."

The bouncer had opened the velvet ropes to allow Nadia in and turned to Heidi with an arched eyebrow. "Are you good?"

Nadia rolled her eyes to the inebriated Heidi. "What have I gotten myself into..." She placed her arms around her and guided her back in the club. "Yes! She's totally fine. Sorry my dude."

The people were packed like sardines, every table was filled with rowdy drunks. There was a full dance floor playing Eighties music. "Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order blared for the lively crowd of twenty and thirtysomethings. Some huddled over to the bar to watch the Columbus Blue Jackets lose against the LA Kings.

Heidi had been there with a few other mutual friends of Nadia, they had ordered bottle service. There was another guy, Nadia had recognized from the foster homes years ago, his name was Sergio. The others were mutual friends who were a couple, and a guy Heidi was dating.

Nadia read Sergio's lips say something to Heidi's boyfriend as she approached. "Yep. She broke the Long-Arm's Arm." Then he laughed.   

"Hey! It's the Birthday girl. Happy Birthday!" Sergio said. "You probably don't remember me, do you?"

Nadia hugged him. "Sergio, of course. Nice to see you again."

He sat down and poured her a shot. "You need to catch up."

"Ok but first." Nadia turned to Heidi. "Heidi, can we do a smoke break?"

"Nope! No serious talks tonight. Not until you take a shot, it's kind of the rule."

"C'mon. I'm serious."

"Right. She only drinks Stolichnaya vodka." Heidi got up and pulled her boyfriend to the bar.

"I haven't drunk that shit since college." Nadia sighed. "What's gotten into her? She is never this drunk, ever!"

"She's not herself tonight. " Sergio said making a strange face as if holding back something.

"What's up?"

"Let's take that smoke break."

Nadia followed Sergio into a designated area outdoors where a couple others took puffs of their cigarettes and blunts. The music had been fainter here, so she could finally hear her own thoughts.

"This is going to be a lot to take in. Nadia. First let me say Heidi loves you and has done everything in her power to ensure you had a normal life and protect you."

"Fuck. This is going to be heavy, isn't it?"

Nadia pulled out a cigarette and hovered her hand over to light it.

Sergio smiled, he found a corner where they could better speak. "I think it's time" he sighed. "When you were a teenagers in the foster homes, we were part of an organization in Moscow. Heidi, me, and you."

Nadia forced a dismissive laugh. "Ha. Sure."

"I'm serious."

"This all sounds like a really cliché 90's movie starring Sylvester Stallone."

"We know what happened behind the Pizza joint downtown this morning."

Nadia pulled the cigarette out of her lips and gawked at Sergio.

"That man you've been obsessed with, Vitaliy "The Long Arm" Novikov. He helped us escape here in the early 2000s."

"Ok. You've been stalking me!? God, the recording makes sense now..."

"Go figure, he thought we'd have a better life as orphans in America, than child soldiers back home. They sentenced us to death in absentia."

"Vitaliy?"

"Yes. You owe that man your life, Nadia."

"I don't understand... Why tell me now about my past?"

"Wasn't supposed to be tonight. Heidi found out he was in the ICU."

Nadia blew smoke from her lips and tapped her hand repeatedly.

"Ok. What do you know about The two-headed eagle. What does that mean? and who the fuck is Rachel? Why do I keep thinking about a Rachel?"

"Oh, so you've known?"

"I heard myself sleep-talking tonight..."

"Well... that's interesting. Wasn't ready to tell you that you were a sleeper agent. Did you somehow activate yourself?" Sergio laughed. "Means they always have eyes on you, comrade. But, don't worry about that. We've been out of sight for a while now. Those memories though, I guess you can't ever get rid of them, can you? Rachel was your case, but it never happened obviously. I'm surprised you suppressed Vitaliy though. He helped us assimilate to the culture. The man has gone through some rough times in his years, getting tortured to save us. Heidi says you've been stalking him."

Nadia flicked the cigarette out onto the curb.

"His name kept coming up in my dreams. Yes. I was able to track him down. I wasn't expecting this shit though. Ugh. Can we get out of here? This is a lot to take in."

"Yes. Let's do that, besides you're smoking the butt out of it now."

Nadia walked back into the bar and saw Heidi returning with a bottle of Vodka.

"Get me a double" said Nadia. "I'm drinking in behalf of "The Kremlin" now, I guess."

Heidi spit out her drink and dropped the full bottle on the floor.