Tell the Truth

TRIGGGER WARNING:CURSE WORDS, SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND PHYSICAL VIOLENCE .

  Sasha Chapter 3      Chapter Song:  _________ 

 Turning the knob to the front door, we entered. ________ it's a lot of things that I need to talk to you about. I'll make sure to come upstairs before I leave, I said while watching him climb the steps upstairs to his room. Turning his head slightly towards me he gave me a reassuring smile. "I know” he stated as his body disappeared up the stairway. 

  Making my way through my grandparents' foyer I could smell the aroma of freshly fried chicken through the air. Walking into the living room I positioned myself on the Cream-colored love seat. I sat there in silence, my head laying on my folded arms. I was glad my grandparents hadn't noticed my arrival. I just needed time to myself. My TRUTH is now playing on my conscious. My eyes began to scan every picture that decorated the white walls... Every picture had a special purpose. A special moment that we could never recapture. My eyes stopped at a picture of my grandparents and I. Our bodies hovering over a baby's crib. The vivid memory of our prior conversation before this picture. Something I held so close to my heart. 

         (FLASHBACK) 

  My____ year old frame resting directly in the center of the couch. My hazel eyes watching the ceiling fan spin to a rhythm that only I could understand. Dropping my head down I was now looking directly into his innocent eyes. It made me want more for my life. It's been hell for the past___ years I've been on earth. Lifting my head, I looked towards my grandparents' direction. I began to speak, breaking the awkward silence that occupied the room. Parting my lips to speak “I want to be someone who is needed as long as the Earth revolves around the sun. My grandfather brought his rocking chair to a complete stop. His Hazel eyes lifted away from Sunday's paper. My grandfather has always been my father figure since birth. (I should have called hi, dad instead). His eyes became focused directly on me. Lately his eyes have always rested on me. He said nothing. I knew this was a queue for my grandmother to speak. 

My grandmother began clearing her throat. Her voice sounded as if her mouth was dry. 

“ASAH you're young but you have experienced more than the average adult has. You will soon have a testimony that will save people around you. My grandfather began to rub my grandmother's arm to provide comfort. As if that was her confirmation to continue, she did." Consider yourself the main character in a Movie titled “YOU". Clearing her throat she smiled, 

“This movie of you was already written, and GOD didn’t need your input on the SCRIPT. Let your movie play out but make sure God helps you tell your story. Finally looking away from him I looked at my grandmother. Her direct stare was stern but compassionate. I sat there motionless, lost for words. My eyes began to move quickly at all of the 3 faces that occupied the room beside me. My grandparents' eyes leaving mine their eyes now resting on what was cradled in my arms. My grandfather's eyes said a lot of things that words could not describe, and I knew that his words would have a different effect on me than anyone else in my life including my mother. 

Now my grandmother began to rub the side of his arm, I knew it was all the comfort he needed to speak.so I waited 

“I don’t want you to feel as if Hes a burden to you’ ’Now every one's  eyes rested on him now including mine. It was as if the conversation we were having he had been eavesdropping on the whole time. His body shaking slightly an indication that he would begin to cry soon. 

  “I heard his cries, "it was real.! 

 His cries quickly snapped me back to my reality was too much for my mind to continue the memory. I only wanted to relive the good parts of my past. I was tired of being a burden, not only to my grandparents, not only to my grandparents but others as well. The quilt that was now placed on my heart was ___________. The hurt and regret was too much too bare . Quickly rising up, I grabbing the pen and pad off the end table. This was something I had to escape. A feeling of worthlessness began to shadow my image. I was glad ______went directly to his room. I knew that the plans of us having a deep conversation were NULL AND VOID, so I quickly dismissed. It was shit he needed to know but at this moment I only cared about making my exit unnoticed knew that he would be disappointed, but I knew after he knew THE TRUTH it would become hate. Shaking my head. I began to Writing only the word “IM SORRYI LOVE YOU.I placed the pad back on the table. Walking towards the food I made my exit just as quickly as I had entered. My feet moving so fast it was as if I were running. I was always great at running away from my problems. Pressing my alarm to my Honda I quickly started the ignition and pulled off FUCK IT!!! 

  Driving down ____ street. I couldn’t stop the tears that began to stain my cheeks. As quickly as I wiped the old ones away fresh ones quickly appeared. Everyone knew the perception I gave them. Hitting the fluffy blue coating the occupied my steering wheel, I began to scream. A scream so loud I knew it echoed outside of my car. I knew the entire world felt the pain of my cry,I felt the rumble in the Gound, That one particular picture. That one particular picture put me in a turmoil of pain it made my denial somehow become my truth, maybe that’s why I stayed away so long, I didn’t want to have memories invade my mind and heart....The deep depression I've always tried to dismissed was welcoming me. My struggles with depression were something serious. Pressing my foot on the gas I daydreamed the whole ride home. 

   Pulling into our driveway. I wiped the remaining tears away from my eyes. Flipping my visor mirror down the reflection of myself instantly made me flip in back up. I was disgusted with what I saw. 

  Hopping out and hitting my car's alarm I could see Gavins's truck parked ________. I could only hope he was taking his usual nap. Putting my key into the lock turning the knob to enter. A quick gasp was all I managed to mumble before I felt his fist connect to my rib. Talk about a Muthafucka being in shock. Dropping everything that had once occupied my hands. I hit the carpeted floor that had once rested beneath my feet. 

  There he was illuminating my dreams' the devil himself. The same one from my childhood. Even after so many years he still made his presence known, no matter the setting nor circumstances. I needed to escape before he got closer. His horns were so close I could reach my hand out and touch them. His horns were made of wood sharpened to a point. Dark red in color as if they were heated by fire. His long tail swinging back and forth as if he was happy to see me. I wanted to touch his horns, but I knew if I did it would cause me a lot of pain. I placed my hands directly Infront of my body and I began to watch him. He taunted me as if I was a little girl. He stuck his tongue out and wiggled his fingers by his_______he was dancing in complete circles while laughing at a joke only he heard. I stared at him watching the show he put on for me. I waited for the light to touch my face.THe light I knew would come but I didn’t know when.it was the only way to remove myself from this nightmare. My c reality was bad, but nothing was worse than reliving my childhood. Finally, there it was the white light evading my vision. The bright light always brought me from hell. Even though Gavin was the reason for my nightmare to occur, I knew he was the reason it ended. He knew the light would remove me. I didn’t know how long I had been away from the world or how long the world had been away from me. Time always stood still when I was in hell. This was the one time I was grateful to be back to my reality. I knew I would have to confront some of my biggest fears' it couldn't it be worse than what I just experienced. 

   Opening my eyes slightly just to get a glimpse of him. His body resting near my____. The wall behind him was the only thing that supported his body. His head lay flatly in his hands as if he were deep in thought. I knew he blamed me for putting us in another fucked up situation, ONE OF MANY.!! I know you are probably thinking why not leave, even if it was his first time hitting me it would continue to occur. That type of advice was some shit easier said than done. It was so much harder than people made it seem. Nothing in life was ever that easy. I couldn’t leave someone who myself damaged and destroyed.NO this wasn’t his first time but leaving him would never ne an option for me. Gavin was lost and it wasn’t entirely his fault. I played a major role in this shit. Skeletons were coming out of my closet ONE BY ONE leaving me no time to push them back in. My only thought was; what skeleton had escaped out of my closet running full speed while Gavin sat back and watched. I was back to SQUARE ONE starting over was going to be some hard shit to do.

(Chapter Quote: NO, I'm not Perfect but I pretend to be) 

CHAPTER Gavin         Chapters Song:You’ll be sorry: Yung Bleu 

  My eyes fixed on the ___ for Sasha and me. Could we come back from this and even come back to the environment where the trauma occurred. 

 I know I know!!I'm dead ass wrong for hitting her. I already told you a nigga like me had demons. I'm not afraid to admit it but what I am afraid of is saying it out loud for others to hear. I've spent thousands of dollars helping Sasha shake the demons that she possessed. I couldn’t even shake my own demons because I was too busy helping Sasha shake her own. Once I made it back home the betrayal began to attack my spirit all at once. I blacked out how long did she think this shit would be a secret? 

 Seeing the movement of her eyes snapped me away from my thoughts. She tried to stop the flickering of her eyes before I noticed. "Too late I had already seen them move. I was happy that she had been removed from her nightmare. My back resting against the___ wall. I sat near her. My knees propped up against my chest. Looking _____ into her eyes. I wanted her  to open her hazel eyes. I wanted her to see through my eyes that what I was about to say was my truth. Fuck it I had to speak on this shit, 

   Sasha “IM sorry” for putting my hands on you. You need to admit that you’ve fucked up in the worst way this time. Your worst enemy has reappeared. The only sign that she heard me was the flickering of her closed eyes, that’s all I needed, so I continued. 

“We should question where this thing we have is taking us. Both of our demons have reappeared. “I will admit I love you but at this point in our life I question are you worth loving.? "I will no longer blame myself for the decsioons you continue to make. Your secrets are being EXPOSED. Lifting my body away from the wall I stood on my feet. Pulling the blue trimmed business card from my back pocket I placed the card directly Infront of her_______.Only _of your secrets were revealed to me today. It's no telling the other shit you have hidden. If you wanted my opion the first demon of addiction is the demon, you should concur first. Pointing my finger towards the card I signed but continued. This is what you have been asking me to do for years. This is what I had to do to save US.Ive done that now! Now it's time for you to save you, I said. 

  Walking to the stairs I took the 2 by 2 until I reached our bedroom Slamming and locking the door behind me. 

(Chapter Quote:Déjà vu-Already seen: The feeling that one has already lived through present situations before.