Do you remember

Do you remember.

Hey Brother,

Mum told me when I was born you were so excited to find out you had a baby brother. She said you would creep up to my cot when I was asleep and just stare at me. She said you were so gentle, stroking my hair. You would sing nursery rhymes to me when I cried. And you would bring me your toys and leave them in my cot. She said she knew we would always be ok because we were brothers. She said you were like my guardian angel.

Remember back when we were kids? I was five, you must have been about seven. Mum used to love to dress us the same. Like we were twins. We wore those stonewashed jeans, and had matching superman t-shirts. I used to feel invincible in that t-shirt...like superman. Mum kept a photo on the mantelpiece of us wearing them. Standing side by side, looking like summer, with our blond hair and sun-kissed skins. She kept it there for years, all the colour faded from it. You were my hero. If I shut my eyes I can still see you now, running through the golden corn fields behind our house. You hardly took that t-shirt off the whole holidays. Summer just seemed to go on for ever. Mum sent us out, we were getting under her feet. Told us to stick together. Look after each other. We went deep into the woods to find the rope swing over the river, all our mates were talking about……..I was having such a great time, then you left me there……You ran away…..You just left me there. It took me two hours to find my way back home……I was so scared. Scratched and stung. You just laughed. You said it was ok, because we were brothers. I never went back into those woods again.

I hated you that day.

Do you remember brother? Do you remember that?

I do.

Do you remember my first day at middle school, mum made me wear your old blazer. I remember, it had a hole in the pocket. I always had to wear your old clothes. I would prey you would put holes in everything, but when you did my just patched them up and gave them to me. I was so small, and that playground was so big. I wanted to walk with you, I begged you, my big brother, but you left the house early before I was ready..…Do you remember? I cried all the way there. You and your mates were waiting at the school gates. You waited just so you could laugh at me because my face was all red and blotchy. I got bullied for years for that. You weren’t my hero any more.

I hated you that day.

Do you remember?

I do.

I remember your first motor bike. It was crazy fast. You were seventeen. You came and picked me up from a party. I felt so cool getting on the back. All my mates watching as we disappeared into the warm summer night. I had to hold on to your T-shirt as tightly as I could. We went so fast I couldn’t see….the hedgerows and country lanes were just a blur. I never told you but I was so scared on that bike, never quite sure if I could trust you. I used to lay awake at night waiting. Waiting until I could hear your engine outside on the drive. You would rev it up one more time before you turned it off. Then I knew you were safe. Then I could sleep.

I loved you that night.

You won’t remember that.

I do.

Do you remember catching me with those cigarettes? I found them in the park. I wasn’t going to tell you but I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. You showed me how to light one……You said we should smoke them together….Then you made me smoke the whole packet. You watched me smoke the whole packet. You said you would tell mum if I didn’t. I smoked the whole packet….I was so sick that night….. I never touched a cigarette again.

I hated you that day.

Do you remember brother?

I do.

Do you remember my first car brother? Cost me two hundred pounds. It was a death trap. I followed you out of town that first night on the backroads, the weather closed in, it was snowing really heavy. Black ice everywhere. Nothing was going to stop me going out. I had a car full, music pumping…..I tried to keep up with you, lost control and spun out…..damaged it pretty bad. Do you remember? You towed me home in the freezing cold…..you fixed it up real good. It looked amazing. When I asked you why you helped me, you said, it was because we were brothers. You never told mum about it.

I loved you that night.

Do you remember brother? Do you remember that?

I do.

What about the time we got into trouble at the club. I was ready to run that night…...We should have run that night. Those guys looked like they were just out to hurt someone, hurt me, but you stood your ground next to me. ‘Brotherly solidarity’ you called it. We laughed until we cried that night. We showed them….and plenty of others, what sticking together meant. I felt invincible That night....like superman.

You were my hero that night.

Do you remember that brother?

I do.

Do you remember the day you slept with my wife………

I should have killed you that day.

Do you remember that brother?

I do brother.

I do.

Do you remember burying mum…..We hadn’t spoken for years, can you blame me brother? It was like mum had dressed us the same again. You put your arm around my shoulder, we didn’t speak….We didn’t have to. We carried her coffin…..We laid her to rest brother. We did that together. Because we’re brothers.

Then it was just us….Do you remember how that felt?

I do.

I remember the day you phoned. You were sat in your car at the hospital.....you never phone me. You couldn’t speak. I knew it was serious the moment my phone rang. Six months the doctors gave you....six months. I cried all night after that phone call.

you wouldn’t have known that.

I remember.

I do.

I never hated anyone the way I hated you.

I never loved anyone the way I loved you.

And now it’s just me…..

The last one standing.

I promised you I would stay with you until the end…...and I did. Because we’re brothers.

I stood next to your bed, singing to you quietly, stroking your hair gently, until I felt you go.

The nurses said I was like your guardian angel.

So I stand here in these woods, just as you asked, and I throw your ashes to the wind my brother. 

Thanks for the solidarity. 

I’ve always been ok.

Because we’re brothers.

Hi Reedsy readers!

Thanks for reading this story. I hope you liked it.

If you could take the time to read one or two of my other stories and like them ( if you like them! ) that would be amazing 😉

Thanks Phil